Bartcop Entertainment - Wednesday, 15 May, 2002

Wednesday

15 May, 2002

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

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Issue #2

Disinfotainment Today

By Michael Dare


"Not Affiliated in any way!"

 

ISSUE #2

 
 
Everything Goes into Public Domain After 24 Hours
 
In a landmark decision over copyright law, the Supreme Court of the United States decided that "All intellectual property goes into the public domain 24 hours after it's original release."
 
"We figure that's about how long you can control your product before someone's already giving it away on the Internet," said Chief Supreme Court Justice William H. Rehnquist. "Copyrights used to cover 30 years. Now you're lucky if they cover 30 seconds. Past a certain point, everything already becomes common property. We're just moving that point."
 
"Webcasting a major film over the net is so simple even George W. Bush could figure out how to do it," quipped Senate Majority leader Trent Lott. "There's no way to stop it," he said. "Let's just go with the flow." It was a sentiment echoed by the Dalai Lama.
 
"Eventually everything's free but the physical," piped in the plucky Tibetan, "and I'm glad to see America admit it."
 
"I don't spend my money on free music so I'm not interested," said Justice Ruth "Batty" Ginsberg in the lone dissenting vote.
 
"I spent many years laboring in America's intellectual property mines," insisted Canadian exile Wanda Layme who fought for the bill. "I say if you want the official VHS of 'The Little Mermaid' to keep on your shelf for the kids to grab, go right ahead. No one's stopping you. But if you just want to watch it one time only on your computer screen, let it be free."
 
"Hey, man," said Justice Clarence Thomas while ogling Wanda. "Don't go away. Sit your pretty self down here. I agree with you. If nothing has traded hands other than a progression of electrons, dig it, it's free."
 
"Everyone's just got to used to it," squealed Wanda.
 
"That's right, baby. You got it. Past 24 hours, there is no such thing as intellectual property."
 
"Oooh."
 
ASCAP and BMI issued a blanket statement: "It's intellectual Communism, that's what it is. Our parents died in the war for this? Why don't they just move to Russia."
 
Finally, the Dalai Lama, whom we thought had left, came back and told us that "Everything is everybody's. Get used to it, that's all. You can get used to anything. It's actually pretty cool."
 
Apology from Hell
 
Several readers wrote to contradict my statement last week that broadcast radio stations didn't pay royalties. "What are those checks radio stations send to ASCAP and BMI?" they shrieked.
 
At http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/internet/05/01/radio.reut/index.html, they say "Traditional radio stations pay no performance royalties for music played on air because they have proven promotional value," which is technically true as far as individual songs are concerned. BMI or ASCAP grant blanket licenses to stations allowing them to play whatever they want without worry. Then BMI and ASCAP, not the radio stations, pay the artists the actual royalties based upon their own monitoring systems. But there are no blanket licenses for webcasters, who it now appears will have to pay licensing fees for individual hits on individual songs. It's sort of like saying renters don't pay mortgages. There's a middleman. Renters pay owners who pay the mortgages.
 

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE

 

Merger Announced

 

"Disinfotainment Today"

is merging with

"Who's Going to Hell This Week?"

. Editor Michael Dare and writer Helen A. Handbasket couldn't decide whether to call the new publication "Who's Going to Disinfotainment Today This Week" or "Crap." After batting it out for hours, they ended up in bed together where, after a couple cigarettes, they decided they both worked for the same boss so what the hell difference did it make.
 
United States Decides French Election
 
That was one of last week's headlines and is entirely inappropriate this week. The editor apologizes and promises no more unwanted interruptions from old material.
 
As Long As Your Hands are Showing
 
Child Pornography on the Internet is still officially legal.
 
Now They Can Finally Get HBO 
 
The United Nations Security Council voted to reform sanctions against Iraq to release more humanitarian aid.
 
Street-Widening Project Declared Success
 
"The streets in those Palestinian refugee camps were just too narrow," said Ariel Sharon in an official statement. "Now they're just right."
 
Editor's note:
 
Don't tell her I told you this but Helen's been in somewhat of a rut lately, you know what I mean? I finally had to lay down the law, that I was the publisher, she was the columnist, and if I wanted to include her column as one of many columns, well, that's the way it was going to be. She was furious at first but I wore her down. I'm quite sure that by the time we settle this, you'll find Helen's column somewhat further down the page instead of in a separate e-mail. If not, well, tell my mother I love her and watch out for Andre.
 

WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

by Helen A. Handbasket



He made my picture smaller, didn't he? And he cut out my bio. That bastard. I'm lucky he left that animated gif of the blood dripping down. This is never going to work out. You see what I mean? Men. They always have to have the last word. We'll just see about that. 
 

May 13, 2002

 
5.  Yasser Arafat publicly stated that he accepts the existence of a Jewish state called Israel. He also stated that he accepts the existence of a chocolate bar called Hersheys and a cholesterol enhancer called McDonalds.
 
4.  Former Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Israeli Likud party's central committee publicly stated that they refuse to accept the existence of an Arab state called Palestine. They also stated that they refuse to acknowledge the existence of a rodent called hedgehog and a cholesterol enhancer called bacon.
 
3. Fidel Castro welcomed Jimmy Carter to Cuba but they still won't cancel "Friends."
 
2. Britney Spears was caught smoking a cigarette after a threesome with Jack Nicholson and Russell Crowe. Naughty naughty. Britney, those things will kill you.
 
And the number one person going to hell this week?
 
1. ABC has cancelled "Politically Incorrect," vastly decreasing host Bill Maher's chances of nailing me.
 

ARITHMETIC FROM HELL

 
The $190 million farm bill divided by the new price of Sony's Playstation 2 plus everyone over 50 with HIV minus every Israeli living in the West Bank equals Cuba's $125 million per year biotech industry divided by the new price of Microsoft's Xbox plus every lesbian who attended the 1st New York Film Festival minus every Palestinian living in Tel Aviv.
 

CARTOON FROM HELL

 

TOURS FROM HELL

 
Jimmy Carter is touring Cuba, treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill is touring Africa with U2's Bono, and first lady Laura (Batty) Bush is touring Europe with her daughter Jenna. Tickets are going fast.
 

RENT CONTROL FROM HELL

 
Apartments in Kabul are going for $6,000 a month.
 

RUMMAGE SALE FROM HELL

 
The U.S. and Russia have agreed to cut their nuclear arsenals from current levels of 6,000 to 7,000 warheads to about 1,700 to 2,200 warheads with no monitoring system ;whatsoever.
 

ART FROM HELL

 
General Colin Powell admitted that the opening bombing campaign against Afghanistan was in the shape of a smiley face.
 

DEFENSE FROM HELL

 
Defense attorneys said Monday that American-born Taliban fighter John Walker couldn't have possibly fired on American soldiers because he left his gun behind in the restaurant.
 

FIREWORKS FROM HELL

 
This 4th of July, al-Qaeda has targeted U.S. nuclear power plants.
 

HEADLINE FROM HELL

 
"ARAFAT FEARS FOR HIS OWN SAFETY IN JENIN GARAFALO"
 

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

BACK WHEN IT WAS LEGAL
 

QUOTES FROM HELL

 
"One of the things we must do in this world, is laugh. In Hell there will be nothing to laugh about, and in Heaven it just won't be proper."
- Joannah Olson -
 
"Our patience will achieve more than our force." - Edmund Burke -
 
"Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
- Bertolt Brecht -
 
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." - George Orwell -
 
"The greatest thing that would happen in the state and the nation is when we get rid of the media. Then we would live in peace and tranquility and no one would know anything."
- Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen -
 
"The greatest book is not the one whose message engraves itself on the brain - but the one whose vital impact opens up other viewpoints, and from writer to reader spreads the fire that is fed by the various essences, until it becomes a vast conflagration leaping from forest to forest." - Romain Rolland -
 
"One must shock the bourgeois."
- Charles Baudelaire -
 
"She can no longer make you change your mind, so she's making you suffer."
- Jessica Anderson -
 
"A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent."
- William Blake -
 
"Journalists say a thing that they know isn't true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true."
- Arnold Bennett -
 
"I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy."
- Samuel Butler -
 
"The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he's given the freedom to starve anywhere."
- S.J. Perelman -
 

BLANK SPACE FROM HELL

 
 

ANOTHER BLANK SPACE FROM HELL

 
.

QUIZ FROM HELL

 
What's with the blank spaces? 
 
a)
b)
c)
 

ALBUM COVER FROM HELL

"Oh please, not another caption contest."
 

CHILDREN'S SONG FROM HELL

 
Five Taliban 
 
Five Taliban
Sitting in a row
Five Taliban in a row
U.S Special Forces blow one away
Four Taliban
Sitting in a row
 
Four Taliban
hiding in a cave
Four Taliban in a cave
U.S. Special Forces blow one away
Three Taliban
hiding in a cave.
 
(Continue till we win the war on terrorism)
 

SITES FROM HELL

 
Mandatory reading: Archeologists found a map in Bakshir that's 120 million years old. That's a MAP. That's 120 million years. Older than mankind. Go ahead, explain this.
 
If you think what they sell on e-Bay is crap, you should see what they sell here.
 
In July of 2001, the FBI received a recommendation from its Phoenix field office that U.S. aviation schools should be canvassed for Middle Eastern men seeking flight training. One guess how they dealt with that particular recommendation.
 
I know what you need. You need hundreds of free demos of the latest computer games.
 
Sick of free AOL CDs? Here's something interesting to do with them.
 
WARNING: Do not go here unless you just dropped acid.
 
Don't be surprised if someone on the Internet has spoken your name.
 
I absolutely defy anybody to come up with something funny about this.
 

REMINDER FROM HELL

 
O.J.'s having the time of his life.
 

PUZZLE FROM HELL

PICK THE ALIEN

 
Caption Contest Winners!
 
" Why do you think I needed the cigar?
- Scott Wilson -
 
"It's about that long and crooked as my finger."
- Charles Smith -
 
What, you missed last week's dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY?
Somebody stashed it here.
 
And all of Helen's columns are still here.
 

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY

is free and may be reproduced in any form.
After 24 hours.
 
truthjusticeandtheamericanway@hotmail.com
 


http://home.earthlink.net/~dare2b


Many thanks to Michael Dare!

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From 'TBH Politoons'

Great Site!

Click Here!




Thanks, again, Tim!

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Weekly Review

HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW

May 14, 2002

The House Appropriations Committee passed a measure authorizing the President to use force to free any American detained by the new International Criminal Court, which Tom DeLay, the majority whip from Texas, called a "rump" and a "rogue" court. After noticing that some members of the committee seemed ignorant of the court's location, David Obey, a Democrat from Minnesota, pointed out that "we would be sending troops to invade the Netherlands."

The measure also bans military aid to countries that ratify the treaty creating the court (which President Bush "unsigned" last week) but specifically exempts NATO countries and other major allies, all of whom have ratified it.

Government security auditors reported that several important federal agencies have done little or nothing to secure their facilities against terrorist attack: the Department of Agriculture, for example, was unable to account for three billion doses of a dangerous virus, and the Energy Department has lost track of nuclear material that it lent to foreign countries.

Tom Ridge, the head of "homeland security," showed off his office's new situation room to the news media.

Pim Fortuyn, a gay, right-wing, anti-immigrant politician, was assassinated in the Netherlands; police arrested an animal-rights activist in connection with the murder.

In two footnotes filed with the Supreme Court, the Justice Department reversed 60 years of government policy and asserted that the Second Amendment to the Constitution "broadly" guarantees the right of individuals to own firearms, thus challenging the court's current understanding that the Constitution protects only those gun rights that have "some reasonable relationship to the preservation of efficiency of a well regulated militia."

It was pointed out that in 1999, the most recent year for which statistics are available, 28,874 Americans were killed with guns.

Continued at www.harpers.org/weekly-review

--Roger D. Hodge

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Reader Comment

Re: 'Six Feet Under'

Anybody but me think that "Six Feet Under," after a spectacular first season, has really hit the wall in the middle of season 2?

I'm beginning not to care about ANY of the characters. This is common in politics, but a supposed no-no in drama.

~ Lar


Lar-
Seriously, I dated an undertaker's apprentice ~ I'll provide any gory details you wish on Saturday - but, for now, YES, you are right, they lost the spirit of the show in the 2nd season.
; )

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

The pickings were so slim opted for 'Dinotopia' again. YUCK! And, I see it's also a series for ABC in the fall. Jeez.

Watched 'Scrubs' and really liked the 4-part harmony on the theme to 'Underdog'. Damn. There was a fine cartoon! Wally Cox rules!



Tonight, Wednesday, it's fresh on CBS with '60 Minutes II' and 2-hours of 'Amazing Race'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave is Alec Baldwin.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers are Laura Innes, Hal Sparks, and Michelle Branch.

It's all fresh on NBC with 'Ed', 'West Wing' and 'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Reese Witherspoon, Jules Sylvester (Spider Expert), and The Calling.
Conan is still in reruns, with Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs.
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly are Jon Favreau and Ben Harper.

It's even fresh on ABC with 'My Wife & Kids', 'Jim', 'Drew Carey' and then 90-minutes of 'PrimeTime Special Edition'.
Scheduled on a fresh Bill Maher are Recording Artist Angelique Kidjo; Actor Michael Chiklis; Actor Daryl "Chill" Mitchell; Columnist Maggie Gallagher.

The WB is fresh with 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Felicity'.

Faux pulls a 'magic special' out, 'Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed: Escape From The Ice', followed by an hour-long fresh, season-ending episode of the always wonderful 'Bernie Mac'.

UPN has 2 hours of 'Enterprise'. The first hour is fresh. The 2nd hour isn't.



Anyone have any opinions?

Or reviews?



(See below for addresses)

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For 5/14 - 6/21, 2002

Celestial Sass!

By Gare Galbraith

Scorpio


Scorpio 10/23 - 11/22 We are now creeping out of your most challenging time of the year.... think back.... have you ever prospered under the Bull? Hell, no... you don't prosper under anything or anybody unless it was of your own making in the 1st place. But you don't get much satisfying symbiotice action/reaction in the Bovine time. You will have some relief of frustration from 8:38pm (EST) 5/23 thru 8:20pm 5:25. Rather than pushing for what you DESIRE then, contemplate and draw up plans that will serve you well in starting on 6/20 and/or 6/21. Then we will be out of the pesky Merc Retrograde and you can sell your plans without the fog of misunderstanding. Dare you not (I'm watching an old Roman movie now) to be pushy from 7:07pm 6/6 thru 5:29am 6/9 (i hate to "/" between those 2 #s), as what you want will be ignored, taunted or tainted. Observe and realize, as you amongst all signs know, that anything worth obtaining is worth waiting and working for.

1st Decan Scorpio 10/23 - 11/1 Your subconscious will be swirling during the Merc Retro.... It will be deja vu all under again. Did what you just hear happen in a dream or vice versa? Write down any inspiration, but don't follow up on it til after 6/9. Overuse of booze and drugs in this time will lead to lamentable confusion.

2nd Decan Scorpio 11/2 - 11/12 Enjoy the nurturing warmth of genuine friendship in this time... it could lead you to better fortune. Don't be calculating about it, let it come naturally. Fear not your intense feelings (oh, those gladiator epics), but have some good times with fellow soldiers in a cause that truly drives you. Doors will open for you that you thought could only come from mass mailing of resume`s.

3rd Decan Scorpio Ahhh... this week, until we leave Taurus on 5/22, will be quite the clenching bite on the tit. And not the good kind that is requested in personal ads. Delay all "big pushes" til after 6/9.... (that one keeps popping up... titter). What you DESIRE is imperative to you, but to push now will yield frustration and detouring. And don't come pouting to me if you try it anyway.

,br> ~ Thanks, Gare!

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Great Quote

Ozzy Osbourne

Ozzy Osbourne is coming perilously close to respectability. First the demonic rocker schmoozes with President Bush in Washington. Then former Veep Dan Quayle hails him as a model husband. Now Queen Elizabeth has invited him to perform at her Jubilee concert at Buckingham Palace on June 3. "I'm not proud of everything I've done," the venerated ex-Black Sabbath star has said on his MTV show. "I'm not proud of all the drugs and booze, or biting the head off a few animals. But I was young. ... Still, it could be worse. I could be Sting" ...

Ozzy Osbourne

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Good Thing The Grown-Ups Are In Charge

More Compassion & Dignitude



A flyer used by the National Republican Congressional Committee, showing three-pictures, including one of President Bush talking to Vice President Dick Cheney from Air Force One on Sept. 11, 2001, right, that the committee promises to anyone who donates $150 or more to attend their joint fund-raising dinner next month. The White House does not object to the Republican Party's making money from the photo, an administration spokesman said Tuesday. Democrats branded the tactic "grotesque."

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Sunbather Mistaken for Kournikova

The 'Nipples' Defense?

A St. Louis jewelry salesman who sold Penthouse Magazine a video of a topless sunbather misidentified as Anna Kournikova testified on Tuesday he mistook the woman for the tennis star because of the diameter of her nipples.

Frank Ramaesiri, the salesman, testified at a hearing to determine whether Penthouse will be forced to recall unsold issues of June magazine which carries about a dozen photos of the sunbather, who is actually Judith Soltesz-Benetton, the daughter-in-law of Italian fashion designer Luciano Benetton.

Last week Penthouse, which is owned by financially troubled General Media Communications, acknowledged its mistake and issued a public apology. However both women are pursuing cases against the magazine, whose circulation has dropped to about 650,000 a month from almost 5 million.

Guccione testified that he spent five or six days comparing the video to Internet photos of Kournikova. Although Burstein seemed incredulous his client could be mistaken for Kournikova, Guccione maintained there were similarities in their faces, rib cages and how they extended their pinkies.

Ramaesiri, who is not a professional photographer, testified that he had videotaped some topless sunbathers several years ago. When he was reviewing the tape earlier this year, he saw a woman he thought was Kournikova and contacted Penthouse. "I couldn't believe it, it was a match," he testified.

The 'Nipples' Defense?

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Interesting Link

Re: Bill Maher

Re: Bill Maher

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Finally Coming Back

''Sopranos''

Da good news for youse viewers: The Sopranos will finally be back for a fourth season on September 15.

The long-coming new season will premiere nearly a year and a half since the third season ended in May 2001. The seemingly interminable delay has been blamed on series mastermind David Chase's perfectionistic ways.

For those who may have forgotten what happened when last we saw the Jersey boys at the end of season three (which will be released as a DVD box set on August 27): Jackie Jr. (Jason Cerbone) had gone to sleep with the fishes, Soprano made men Silvio (Steven Van Zandt) and Christopher (Michael Imperioli) were out on bail after getting pinched on gambling charges, and young AJ (real-life mischief-maker Robert Iler) had narrowly avoided being shipped off to military school when he appeared to suffer from the same panic attacks that sent Tony into therapy.

As for the new season, originally set to debut this spring but pushed back when series creator David Chase asked for more production time, cast and crew risk the need to join the Witness Protection Program if they spill snippets of upcoming storylines.

'Sopranos' Returning

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Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop

ANOTHER New Look & Even More Information!

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Watch Fetches $1.5 Million

Duke Ellington

A gold wristwatch which belonged to Duke Ellington sold for 2.5 million Swiss francs ($1.56 million) in Geneva where the legendary American jazz musician bought it, the auction house said on Tuesday.

A Swiss private museum bought the Patek Philippe chronograph which fetched about twice its pre-sale estimate at Monday evening's sale, according to Phillips, de Pury & Luxembourg.

Duke Ellington

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Useful Link

Fat Chuck's

Fat Chuck's - Banned Books Index

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Cancellations & New Series

ABC

The beleaguered ABC television network on Tuesday unveiled a fall prime-time roster heavy on lighthearted family fare, benching some urban programs and setting its once-golden game show franchise, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," to return only in mid-season spurts.

Returning shows include "The Drew Carey Show," which moves to Monday at 8 p.m., veteran police drama "NYPD Blue," and ABC's entire Sunday lineup, anchored by legal thriller "The Practice."

Gone are long-time comedy favorites "Dharma & Greg" and "Spin City," last year's legal newcomer "Philly," and comedian Bill Maher's controversial late-night round-table talk show "Politically Incorrect."

"Millionaire" will return as a special-event program, similar to when it debuted in 1999, in consecutive nightly installments.

ABC said it will market its daily 8-9 p.m. programming block as "Happy Hour," driven by the returning shows "My Wife and Kids," with Damon Wayans, on Wednesday; 13-year-old series "America's Funniest Home Videos" on Friday; and on Tuesday, "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" a new show starring John Ritter of "Three's Company" fame.

Some of the network's new shows are thrust against established winners. On Tuesday, half-hour comedy "Life With Bonnie," starring Bonnie Hunt, takes on NBC's "Frasier." ABC hopes that "Dinotopia," a spin-off of the mini-series, will woo families tired of CBS's "Survivor" and NBC's "Friends."

ABC's Cancellations & New Line Up

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In Paris

Jenna



President Bush's daughter Jenna adjusts her glasses on her head as she leaves a Paris shop Tuesday, May 14, 2002. Jenna and her mother, first lady Laura Bush, are in France in part of a tour that will also take them to the Czech Republic and Hungary.
Photo by Francois Mori

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Snarky Gossip

Sir Ian McKellen

Hunky male model Nick Cuthell turned heads when he accompanied Oscar nominee Sir Ian McKellen to the Academy Awards. But a spy told us when the 22-year-old Kiwi isn't working the knight shift, he's in bars hitting on women, boasting he's only dating McKellen "for the lifestyle." Not true, says a rep, who said "Nick is in a loving, committed relationship with Ian." She also dodged reports that Cuthell admitted having a girlfriend in New Zealand. "Women are always throwing themselves at him. Maybe he said that to resist the attention."

Sir Ian McKellen

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Awarded Degree

Johnny B. Goode

Johnnie Johnson created memorable lyrics in collaboration with Chuck Berry, but words left the blues pianist after he received an honorary college degree.

"You are now looking at a man who is at a loss for words. I cannot find the words to express the way that I feel right now," Johnson said Saturday at Fairmont State College's commencement.

"This is more than I could ever explain," said Johnson, who was given an honorary doctorate in music.

Born July 8, 1924, in Fairmont, Johnson was the son of a coal miner. He taught himself how to play the piano, absorbing the sounds of big-band jazz, swing and country-western that he heard on the radio.

He later formed a band called the Johnnie Johnson Trio, which Berry joined in 1952. In 1955, Johnson let Berry take over the band but continued to write and perform with him. Together they created "Roll Over Beethoven," "Sweet Little Sixteen" and other tunes.

Berry wrote "Johnny B. Goode" as a tribute to Johnson, who was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2001.

Johnny B. Goode

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Graduating CSULB - The Local Spin

Steven Spielberg

If Steven Spielberg's college career were a Hollywood movie, you might say it started off OK but the ending didn't really go anywhere.

That's because after three years at Cal State Long Beach, Spielberg left in 1969 to pursue a professional filmmaking career. (It's hard to question his decision, since his resume could easily be mistaken for a list of the highest-grossing flicks ever.)

But after more than three decades of directing mega-blockbusters such as "E.T.," "Jurassic Park," "Schindler's List" and the "Indiana Jones" trilogy, Spielberg opted to go back and re-edit his university experience. And after quietly accumulating enough credits at CSULB, the legendary storyteller will finally be able to add a college diploma to a cache of honors that includes three Academy Awards.

Spielberg, 55, plans to take part in CSULB's College of the Arts' annual commencement ceremony May 31 in Long Beach, where he'll be awarded his bachelor's degree in film and electronic arts, according to university officials and a spokesman for the director.

Spielberg re-enrolled in CSULB's Department of Film and Electronic Arts last spring, working independently - and secretly - off campus while maintaining direct contact with his professors.

Spielberg started at Cal State Long Beach in 1965, but left three years later to pursue what he hoped would be a successful filmmaking career. The following year, his 22-minute short "Amblin" was shown at the Atlanta Film Festival, and he soon became the youngest director to sign a long-term contract with a major Hollywood studio.

For more details, Spielberg Graduating CSULB - The Local Spin

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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

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Olga & Darva; John & Joey; Refrigerator & Manute

More Celebrity Boxing

Fox goes with 2nd round of 'Celebrity Boxing' -- Olga Korbut, John Wayne Bobbitt on card

The Fox television network will air its second installment of 'Celebrity Boxing' on May 22, luring celebrity, athletic and newsmaker has-beens into the ring.

Former Olympic gold medal gymnast Olga Korbut will take on Darva Conger, the short-lived selection on TV's "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?"

Other matches: John Wayne Bobbitt (his wife cut off his penis) vs. Joey Buffafuoco (his wife took a bullet from his mistress), and former Bears lineman William Perry (he's big, very big) vs. former NBA center Manute Bol (he's tall, very tall).

More Celebrity Boxing

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From The Smoking Gun.Com

The Finleys

Firing back at her baseball star husband, Tawny Kitaen contends that Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley is a heavy boozer who frequently smokes marijuana, injects illegal steroids, and has "bragged" that he knows how to "get around drug testing within the baseball league." Kitaen leveled these charges in a May 1 declaration filed in the couple's ongoing divorce case in California's Superior Court (the declaration was filed in connection with Kitaen's request that Finley return the couple's two daughters to their Orange County home from a temporary Cleveland residence).

For all the gory details, The Smoking Gun: Kitaen: Finley Abuses Booze, Pot, Steroids

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Flew Over The House Tuesday!

Stones Zeppelin

That big yellow-and-red blimp bearing the tongue-out-of-cheek logo that's been seen floating over Big Town and its surrounding hamlets since Friday is the band's way of announcing its latest U.S. tour.

Meanwhile, the Long Beach Airport-based Stones zep will zip around local skies at least through Wednesday and possibly longer.

Stones Zeppelin Rocks L.B. skies - By Tim Grobaty

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BartCop TV!

BC TV

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Suing Virgin Over Fatal Crash

Aaliyah's Parents

The parents of Aaliyah filed a lawsuit against Virgin Records and others on Monday, alleging they were negligent in not preventing the plane crash that killed the singer and actress and members of her entourage last year.

Aaliyah and eight others died last Aug. 25 when their twin-engine Cessna crashed just after takeoff in the Bahamas, where the 22-year-old R&B star had been shooting a music video.

The lawsuit filed on behalf of Aaliyah's parents, Diane and Michael Haughton, in Los Angeles Superior Court alleges that the overloaded plane was the wrong one for the charter flight to Florida and that the pilot was unqualified to fly it.

The suit was filed just two days after a report the Bahamian government was wrapping up its investigation and planned to cite pilot error, inexperience and excess weight as the three main contributing factors to the crash.

Aaliyah's Parents

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Get 'Em While They're Hot

Bush Moon Cards

Get Your Bush Moon Cards

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Stepmom Drops Suit

Liza Minnelli

Liza Minnelli's 94-year-old stepmother has dropped her lawsuit accusing the entertainer of elder abuse and breach of contract.

In the action filed last month, Minnelli claimed that her late husband, Vincente Minnelli, guaranteed her housing in his will, but her stepdaughter recently sold the Beverly Hills home where she'd lived for 40 years and instructed her representatives to remove her stepmother by "whatever means necessary."

The diminutive woman, who came to court in a wheelchair, told the judge she knew dropping the lawsuit could result in her having to move, but her attorney, Tamara Green, said she didn't believe that was clear to Minnelli.

Green added that her client had been influenced by a phone call from her stepdaughter on Monday. Outside court, Minnelli acknowledged the entertainer had called her.

Liza Minnelli

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Man With An Opinion

Eminem

Vice President Cheney may want to find a secure, undisclosed location where he and his wife, Lynne, won't be in danger of hearing Eminem's new CD.

Injured by the Second Lady's criticism of his artistry, the bleached-blond rapper sprays her with obscenities on his track "White America."

"[Bleep] you, Miss Cheney!" Slim Shady rants on the song, according to the Drudge Report. "[Bleep] you with the freeness of speech this Divided States of Embarrassment will allow you to have! [Bleep] you!"

"White America" is Eminem's second assault on the Cheneys. Desperate for controversy, he raps about the Veep's heart problem on "Without Me." The song's video features a mock electrocution of the vice president. Both cuts can be found on the CD "The Eminem Show."

Eminem

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Auction News At Faux

Ally & Jack

Fox's quirky and often-dumped "Ally McBeal" may be headed for the dust bin of television history, but fans can still get a piece of the show before its scheduled May 20 finale.

The necklace to be worn by Calista Flockhart's character Ally -- better known for her high-cut miniskirts and sorry love life than her jewelry -- will soon go on the block at a Fox site hosted by online auctioneer eBay Inc. .

The 18-karat gold necklace laced with diamonds, sapphires and onyx is the only item from the show up for sale, and will go on sale on Tuesday at (http://www.allymcbealauction.com). Proceeds will benefit the World Trade Center School Relief Fund.

Concurrently, Fox, a unit of News Corp. Ltd. , will also auction off three pieces of its "real time" series "24," the critically acclaimed action drama whose fate is up the air as network officials prepare to announce their schedule for the upcoming fall season later this week.

The three "24," items available at (http://www.24-auction.com) include a shirt worn by the characters Kim Bauer, a tie worn by David Palmer, and the Rolex watch worn by Jack Bauer, the main character played by Kiefer Sutherland.

Ally & Jack

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Warning!

Scheduled Yahoo! GeoCities Maintenance
Friday 5/17/02 9PM PST (GMT-7)

GeoCities will be performing scheduled maintenance starting Friday, May 17th, 2002 at 9:00 pm PST (GMT-7). Service will be restored the morning of Sunday, May 19th, 2002.

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Still Seeking Volunteers

'The Osbournes'

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C'mon....send your thoughts, your impressions, your views, your favorite quotes...

Scroll down for lots of addys to pick from (or 'from which to pick', for the truly anal retentive).

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