Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 31 December, 2002

Tuesday

31 December, 2002

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

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Issue #35

Disinfotainment Today

By Michael Dare

ISSUE #35

is brought to you by
 
The Missing Link
 


 

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE

Featuring too much new stuff for a year end wrap-up
 
The Good News
 
JK Rowling read a dying girl her unpublished Harry Potter story so that she would know what happened before she passed away.
 
The Bad News
 
The child died on page 347 of the 1100 page masterwork called Harry Potter and the 20 Pound Novel.
 
Chart of the Week
From Ironic Times
 
Headline of the Week
 
Administration Cites Spelling Mistakes On Pages 4,482 and 11,549 As Grounds For Attack After days of meticulously analyzing Saddam Hussein's 12,000-page declaration of arms, the Bush administration believes it has discovered the grounds on which a United States-led attack of Iraq would be justified.
- The Chortler -
 
Doing George Orwell Proud
 
Halfway down this page you'll find a history of the dictionary definition of fascism, showing how the writers kept deliberately refining the definition, removing all references to it being a capitalist system in order to prevent people from perceiving it as a description of the USA.
 
Big Brother would love  smart billboards.
 
Turnabout is Fair Play
 
After police searched through a suspect's garbage, removed a used tampon, and sent it to a lab for drug testing, Portland's top brass said it was OK to swipe garbage, so a crack newsteam from Willamette Week grabbed theirs.
 
Top Internet Story of 6 Months Ago That Just Made it Into Print
 
"U.S. Had Key Role in Iraq Buildup" Trade in Chemical Arms Allowed Despite Their Use on Iranians, Kurds
- The Washington Post -
 
Maybe They'll Get Around to Printing THIS in 6 Months
 
Last Friday, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, and, you guessed it, Afghanistan, signed an agreement for the U.S. to build a $3.2 billion gas pipeline project passing through the three countries, but it's got nothing to do with oil.
 
If You Worked Airport Security,
Would You Stop This Man?
What Jesus Christ really looked like
according to Popular Mechanics
 
I Feel So Much Safer Now
 
Close to half the incoming members of Congress are millionaires and many will face votes that could affect their financial holdings.
 
Investment Opportunity
 
Michael Henderson only needs $5 billion to build a moon-themed hotel and casino in Las Vegas.
 
Same Headlines, Different Links
 
Some Israelis killed some Palestinians and some Palestinians killed some Israelis.
 
Apology of the Week
 
Jack Black's Lord of the Rings was taken down from wherever I said it was, so I've reposted it here because you need a laugh.
 
Alternate Laugh Riot of the Week
 
My GOP Wish List - A Republican agenda in five easy pieces by Newt Gingrich (free but requires registration)
 
But Seriously
 
The funniest George W. Bush video of the week.
 
Rockinest Video of the Week
 
Lie, Cheat, and Steal
 
Rockinest Internet Radio of the Week
 
Still the mouth that roars,  Meria Heller.
 
Internet Comedian of the Week
 
Marc Maron's napkins are funnier than yours.
 
If We Give Them the Aid BEFORE the War,
Will We Still Need the War?
 
The U.N. says Iraq will need $37 million in aid after the war.
 
How to Cop Feels from Pregnant Women
 
Just become an airport security man.
 
Cartoon of the Week
 
Yes, it's the wonderful world of Jobless Recovery.
 
Oy Vey
 
"First, we would certainly deploy one carrier and probably two into the theater. Heavy bombers based on Guam would participate. We also have substantial air assets in Okinawa and in South Korea itself, and there will be large numbers of uncommitted air units remaining in CONUS would could be deployed to the theater if need be. (If necessary, we could activate ANG squadrons, but there will be regular Air Force squadrons available as well.) Okinawa is not ideally placed to support a war in Korea, but there are plenty of excellent airfields in Kyushu, and I think that the Japanese government would permit their use. A new outbreak of combat in South Korea would be something that Japan would greatly fear, and there can be no question that it would actively help."
- blogger Steven Dan Beste on how we'll fight the war in Korea -
 
Wacko Conspiracy Theory of the Week
 
    Though Grape Nuts contain no grapes or nuts, Coca Cola is called Coca Cola because it is flavored with coca and cola. When they removed cocaine from the formula, they did not remove the coca, just the cocaine. It is still flavored with de-cocainized coca.
    This week, Bolivia's undersecretary of Social Defense, Ernesto Justiniano, reported that his office had authorized the exportation of 350,000 bricks (about 159 tons) of coca leaf to the United States "for the manufacturing of the soft drink, Coca-Cola." Since the cocaine must be removed from those leaves, there is little doubt that truckloads of pure cocaine leave the Coca Cola syrup processing plant every day.
    Ask the Coca Cola company what happens to that cocaine and they will tell you it is used for legal pharmaceutical purposes, but when's the last time your dentist prescribed cocaine for your toothache? Doctors NEVER prescribe cocaine, even though it's the best local painkiller in existance, because they would have to report the transaction to the government. Too much paperwork. Coca Cola also claim that cocaine was never an ingredient in Coca Cola, clearly a lie that's easily disproved by simply looking at their ads before 1903.
    So what happens to all those truckloads of cocaine? Can you say CIA? Can you say crack epidemic?
 

THE COCA-COLA RECIPE


1 oz. citrate caffeine
1 oz. vanilla
2½ oz. flavoring *
4 oz. fluid extract of coca
3 oz. citric acid
1 qt. lime juice
30 lbs. sugar
2½ gal. water
caramel
* orange, lemon, nutmeg, cinnamon, coriander, neroli oils, alcohol, and crack
 
What the Rest of the World Thinks of Us

     
Insane E-Mail of the Week
 
"George W. Bush gets credit for a very good year as president. His vision has been clear; his commitment to fight terrorism has not wavered; and his redefinition of America's foreign policy doctrines will change the way the world thinks about international aggression. The Cheney-Rumsfeld-Powell-Rice team has helped Mr. Bush in just two years in office join a small group of outstanding foreign-policy leaders--Churchill, Reagan and Thatcher--in leading the world to a better understanding of what it means to be free, and how freedom must be defended."
- Pete Du Pont -
 
Am I the Only One
 
...who writes these damn things?
 


 

 
Dear Doc Hollywood,:.
 
Happy New Year!
 
I am a screenwriter from B.C.  I have been writing for a number of years along with working as a nurse and coroner. (great fodder for writing).   Some years ago I had a number of options but have not had time to write and market as much as I like.  I have a number of solid producers who will read my work.  It is incredibly frustrating to come so close.
 
Is perseverence the answer?  I also managed to pitch to a popular 1 hour show a few years ago that since became really sucessful.  They will still talk to me from time to time but I'm still not making any headway. Is there hope in keeping going?  How long is reasonable to keep up the fight?
 
Charleen  
 
 
Charleen,
 
Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.
 
Allow me to tell you how I ended up writing for Animaniacs...
 
As a film critic for the LA Weekly, I was voted in as a member of the Los Angeles Film Critics Association. One year we gave our Best Picture award to Schindler's List, which meant that Steven Spielberg joined us for a private luncheon to receive his award. Of course I didn't get to sit at his table. I was stuck at a table in back with the unknown actor we were giving the award for best supporting actor to, a punk kid named Leonardo DiCaprio whom I had nothing to say to.
 
After lunch, I went up to Spielberg and mentioned that as much as I liked Schindler's List, my favorite creation of his that year was the TV show Animaniacs. He loved this and we ended up talking a bit about the show. I was pleased to find out that his involvement with the show was very "hands on," and that he personally approved of every script before it went into production.
 
Finally, he told me that the reason I like the show so much was because it was written by guys like me. I said I'd love to try to write for the show, and he told me the name of the guy to call, Tom Ruegger.
 
I called Tom Ruegger a half dozen times and he never got back to me, despite the fact my messages said that Steven Spielberg told me to call.
 
Then, months later, in a miraculous fluke of serendipity, I got a call from one of the editors of Daily Variety asking me to do a piece on children's television. They gave me a list of people they wanted me to interview, and one of them was Tom Ruegger. This time I called him saying I was a writer from Variety wanting to interview him for an article, and THAT got me in his office.
 
After the interview, I mentioned the Spielberg story, and he told me to get in touch with the headwriter of the show, Peter Hastings. Six months and a dozen phone calls later, I still hadn't gotten into Hasting's office.
 
At a party for the opening of a film, I happened to meet a show biz attorney, and I told him my Animaniacs story. He told me that HE could get me in, but only after I signed a contract with him agreeing to give him a percentage of anything I would make. I signed and he finally got me a meeting with Hastings, though he told me later that it even took HIM more than half a dozen calls to get me the appointment.
 
Once in Hasting's office, it became clear that he was one of the most creative people on earth (he now runs Disney's One Saturday Morning), that he was thoroughly capable of writing every single Animaniacs himself, and that who needed me. I persisted. I pitched idea after idea. Half of them they were already doing, which was actually good since it showed we thought alike. Other people came in and out of the office to do important business on that week's show. I didn't leave. I just kept pitching and pitching and pitching until he looked at me like he couldn't believe I was still in his office. Finally he said he'd let me know and I left.
 
Three months later I called the attorney and asked if he'd heard anything. He said no but he'd give them a call. He called me back ten minutes later to tell me that two months ago they had decided to buy several of my ideas but had neglected to get back to me. I had an appointment the next day with Hastings to go over the scripts they were hiring me to write. This was close to one year after my meeting with Spielberg.
 
I wrote the scripts, they were accepted, I got paid, the attorney got his percentage, then the show was canceled before any of my scripts got made.
 
Is perseverance the answer? Fuckin' A. You've crossed the first major hurdle that 99% of Hollywood hopefuls trip over, you've actually gotten somebody to pay attention to you. Be ruthless. If you're working in a coroner's office and you've got the ear of somebody at Crossing Jordan, call the bastard EVERY SINGLE WEEK with a couple of new stories. Make it so they expect your call every Monday. Make it so if they don't get your call, they wonder what the hell happened to you. Eventually they'll get so sick of you that they'll ask you to please go away, or you'll actually hit on a premise they haven't thought of and you'll make a sale.
MD
 
Calling All Filmmakers
 
For cheap used equipment, go here.
 
Send your questions to "Ask Dr. Hollywood" at disinfotainment@earthlink.net
 


 

WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

 

December 30, 2002

UNDO THE COUP

Satan for President in 2004

 

BELATED CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM HELL

Mr. President-Head
 

JUSTICE FROM HELL

 
A millionaire won the biggest lottery in U.S. history.
 

QUIZ FROM HELL

 
Why did America tear out 8000 pages of the Iraq dossier?
 
a) because it was boring.
b) because it exposed American corporate ties to Iraq.
c) so JK Rowlings could read it to a dying child.
 

HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL

 
Prior to 9/11/01, more than twice as many FBI agents were assigned to fighting drugs than fighting terrorism.
 
The only death sentence George W. Bush ever commuted while Governor of Texas was serial killer Henry Lee Lucas.
 

SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

 
A small piece of bread in your cookie jar will keep your cookies crispy.
 

SATAN DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

 
If you'd bought the following stocks two months ago, here's how much you would have made: Art Technology 176% gain, Kana Software 204% gain, Priceline 72% gain, Navisite 206% gain, Viisage Tech 90% gain, Visionics 41% gain, Amazon.com 38% gain, Copper Mtn 54% gain, Entrada 56% gain, ICGE 118% gain, Internap Network 33% gain, iVillage 36% gain, Niku Corp 54% gain, Scient 50% gain, and Fidelity Select Gold  59.9% gain.
 

QUOTES FROM HELL

 
One of these statements was never made.
 
"I want to see the proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq before we engage in a war that will send tens of thousands of civilians to their deaths, enrage the Muslim world against us, grievously wound the American economy, and guarantee more terrorism here at home. I am sure the Bush administration's incontrovertible proof that these weapons exist is a sheaf of shipping manifests from roundabout 1984, when we sent the stuff to Saddam in the first place, but I want to see it anyway."
- William Rivers Pitt: All I Want for Christmas -
 
"These are the times that try men's souls."
- Thomas Paine -
 
"These are the souls that try men's ties."
- GQ -
 
"A neo-conservative Washington-based organization known as the Project for the New American Century (PNAC), funded by three foundations closely tied to Persian Gulf oil and weapons and defense industries, drafted the war plan for U.S. global domination through military power. One of the organization's documents clearly shows that Bush and his most senior cabinet members had already planned an attack on Iraq before he took power in January 2001."
- Christopher Bollyn: America "Pearl Harbored" -
 
"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
Herman Melville -
 
"Years ago, my mother gave me a bullet, and I put it in my breast pocket. Two years after that, I was walking down the street, when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon bible out a hotel room window, hitting me in the chest. The bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet."
- Woody Allen -
 
"Bush is unusually incurious, abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically uncultured, extraordinarily uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things."
- Christopher Hitchens -
 
"Saddam Hussein is a creep and besides, it would be fun."
Don Imus on why we should go to war with Iraq -
 
"To promote their wars and imperialistic agenda, Bush and company continue to deceive the populous with the inevitable, unsubstantiated propaganda and demonization of their quarry. This administration's unilateralistic arrogance is now supported by manipulated and misguided patriots. This ploy has worked time and time again throughout history, while the peace advocates are castigated and dismissed as unpatriotic and dangerous. Mark Twain said, 'History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes.' Well, I've heard this rhyme before and I'm ashamed and embarrassed for myself and all Americans."
- Randolph Branch: For the Love of War and the Cowboy Kill -
 
"But what really struck me as so absurd about the statement [ from Patty Murray] was the notion that bin Laden has built day-care centers. Just think about that! There are no day-care centers in an Islamist society, except the built-in day-care center that every family has – the mother. The idea that Islamists would build day-care centers to permit women to work is one of the reasons I was so sure Murray was the subject of a hoax. But no. She wasn't kidding. She really said these words. And she really meant them."
- Joseph Farah -
 
"If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?"
- Jimmy Carr -
 
"One thing I can give George W. Bush, he is at least smarter than anyone who voted for him."
- Rack Jite -
 
"How should a small country feel when it is told that it is all but part of forces of evil of biblical proportions and should be fought against until total annihilation?"
- Georgy Mamedov, Russia's deputy foreign minister blaming George W. Bush for the Korean nuclear crisis -
 
"We must not completely forget that Osama bin Laden may not actually exist — except in the minds of war publicists. It is already a virtual certainty that this dreaded al-Qaeda bunch is actually a department of the U.S. CIA, designed to wreak fake terror in order to facilitate more oppressive laws to keep the unruly population in check.
    And right now the United States is making war, right in front of our noses, in more than a dozen countries, and on the wrong side of honor and justice — against the rights of the people — in every single case. Land of the free and the home of the brave? Shit! Land of the duped and home of the chickenshit chickenhawks! The big one is not really Afghanistan or Iraq — it's Colombia, where rapidly increasing numbers of U.S. troops are preparing for action next door in Venezuela, but also in Ecuador, Peru and Brazil, all countries in which people-power movements have broken out."
- John Kaminski: The New Resistance -
 
"The only path to ending narco-trafficking is drug legalization: that is to say, the regulation of its production and sale."
- from An Interview with Gustavo de Greiff, former ambassador and Attorney General of Colombia -
 
"2002's Most Suspicious Coincidence: George W. Bush's prostate examination and the search for Dick Cheney's missing Rolex."
- L.A. Weekly -
 
"The goals for this country are peace in the world. And the goals for this country are a compassionate American for every single citizen."
- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2002 -
 
"You haven't lost your freedoms, you've gained limits on your civil liberties."
- Stephen Colbert -
 
"It isn't the things we don't know that get us in trouble. It's the things we know that aren't so."
- Artemus Ward -
 
"I think there is very compelling evidence that at least some of the terrorists were assisted not just in financing -- although that was part of it -- by a sovereign foreign government and that we have been derelict in our duty to track that down, make the further case, or find the evidence that would indicate that that is not true and we can look for other reasons why the terrorists were able to function so effectively in the United States. It will become public at some point when it's turned over to the archives, but that's 20 or 30 years from now."
- Senator Bob Graham on PBS -

"It was not by making yourself heard but by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage."
- George Orwell: 1984 -
 
"Knowing that the other person is angry, one who remains mindful and calm acts for his own best interest and for the other's interest, too."
- Buddha -
 
"Did I say truth and humor? I meant lies and sarcasm."
- Mike Jasper -

 

ANOTHER BELATED CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM HELL

Sex Toys - The Connecting Toy for Adults

BUDGET FROM HELL

 
  • Number of seniors who will be cut off meal programs because of Bush budget: 36,000.
  • Number of families who will be cut off of heating assistance because of the Bush budget: 532,000.
  • Number of homeless kids who will be cut off of education programs because of Bush budget: 8,000.
  • Number of kids who will be cut off of after-school programs because of the Bush budget: 50,000.
  • Number of kids who will be cut off of child care because of Bush budget: 33,000.
  • Number of workers who will be cut off of unemployment insurance on Dec. 28 because of Bush budget: 800,000.
  • - Molly Ivins -
     

    REWRITE FROM HELL

     
    God Bless America (Iraqi version)
    with apologies to Irving Berlin and Kate Smith,
    though you should certainly picture Kate Smith singing it.
     
    God bless America
    Land I distrust
    They'll destroy us
    Annoy us
    Turn us all into powdery dust
     
    From your hot dogs
    to your burgers
    and your milkshakes
    white with foam
    God Bless America
    The fast food king
    God bless america
    Of thee I sing
     
    God bless America
    all through the day
    I ignore it
    I'm for it
    Just as long as it stays far away
     
    From your A-bombs
    and your drone planes
    to your blowjobs
    white with foam
    God bless America
    The place I fear
    God bless America
    Just watch your rear
     

    SITES FROM HELL

     
    Mandatory reading: Jon Rappaport writes about the root of the problem, and Unhappily ever aftermath, or I didn't have to do a year end wrap-up because I couldn't do it any better than Barry Crimmins.
     
    Roger Masters has discovered a correlation between the presence of silicofluorides in the water supplies of Massachusetts towns - as a result of intentional fluoridation - and elevated levels of lead in the blood of children.
     
    Money from tobacco settlements that was supposed to be used to fight smoking is being reinvested in Big Tobacco.
    Rhawn Joseph believes there is a neurological, even genetic, explanation for religious belief and spiritual experience.
     
    Gee, I wonder why Dick Cheney stopped poor countries from getting cheap drugs?
     
    The world needs a practical guide for lie detection, or it doesn't, depending upon if I'm telling the truth.
     
    This incredibly useful site converts any measurement to any other measurement.
     
    Limpfish is a blog where people post a lot of very funny pictures.
     
    Microsoft is completely pulling the plug on Windows 95, so if that's what you've got, you're up shit creek, and very soon, without a paddle.
     
    There's a 500 pound gorilla missing from Judicial Watch's list of the dozen most corrupt people in politics today.
     
    Get Rael. (insert clone joke here)
     
    Don't miss the 2002 Year-End Google Zeitgeist.
     
    Stop global warming and see the Rolling Stones.
     
    The United States REALLY didn't let Santa cross the border.
     
    The White Rose Society is fighting the rise of the new fascism.
     
    NASA has films of UFOs they don't want you to know about.
     
    Beyond God and the Devil, beyond material matter and thought, there is THE ALL.
     
    Joshua Micah Marshall explains why the myth of Republican competence persists, despite all the evidence to the contrary.
     
    Oh, by the way, no need to be paranoid or anything, but the next major terrorist attacks will probably hit our country as soon as we attack Iraq, maybe in the next few weeks, so why not be prepared?


     
    Contact pResident Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

    Contact Saddam Hussein - press@uruklink.net

    White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414

    Contact your Senator - http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm

    Contact your Representative - http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html

    House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121

    Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/



     
    Don't let this happen to you.
    Subscribe.
     
    dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are  here.
     
    All of Helen's columns are here.
     
    Dr. Hollywood archives are here



     
    Acknowledgment
     
    dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.
     
    Thanks,
     
    Satan
     
     
    dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form.
    It is made entirely by slave labor.
    Unless you think I deserve to get  paid.
     
    disinfotainment@earthlink.net
     



    Many thanks to Michael Dare!

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    'TBH Politoons'

    Click Here!



    Thanks, again, Tim!

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    Reader Reading Suggestion

    Paul Shaffer Interview

    from Mad Dog

    This appeared in this month's International Musician magazine from the AFM. I receive the hard copy, but it is posted online:

    [snip]
    Support is the key to Shaffer's role as Letterman's sidekick each night. He is there to be the brunt of jokes, banter with Letterman, and occasionally slip in his own gag or two. And he takes it all in good fun. "After 21 years of doing this day in and day out, it still stays fresh," says Shaffer. "I joined the union when I was 15 and have always been a gigging musician. The fact that the 'Late Show' is a little under-rehearsed sort of pays off and keeps us on edge. Live music is where it's at. There is nothing like the sound of a live band."
    [/snip]

    Paul Shaffer Interview

    ~~ Mad Dog



    Thanks, Mad Dog!

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    Fresh Komix

    ...A grocery clerk,sent by errand boys...

    Thanks, Rob!

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    Interesting Reading

    'Nazi Panda'

    from Tim H

    A cross-cultural misunderstanding about one of the world's oldest religious symbols might be at the heart of a mystery that had "Nazi pandas" popping out of Christmas crackers.

    On Friday, a Lachine manufacturer was horrified to learn some Albertans had found plastic pandas with swastikas on their caps in his firm's party crackers.

    In the Western world, the swastika is indelibly linked to Adolf Hitler, Nazi Germany and the horrors practiced by that regime. This, Martin Walpert - president of Lachine's Walpert Industries Inc., where party crackers are a family tradition and business - knew without a crash course on the subject.

    But as the businessman's investigation into the suspected sabotage of his crackers quickly revealed, the Nazis had appropriated the swastika, a symbol still widely used in several major religions, including Buddhism.

    In China, where Walperts' crackers are put together, the swastika has become an icon and denotes prosperity, among other things.

    The tale began when Walpert's firm bought a supply of another Chinese icon - the panda bear - to include along with jokes and other tiny items in 1,350 boxes of crackers. The pandas Walpert approved were unadorned, he said.

    For the rest, 'Nazi Panda'

    from Tim H


    Thanks, Tim!

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    In The Chaos Household

    Last Night

    Another beautiful, crisp, sunny day.

    We made it up past the snow line, as planned. Went up to Angeles Crest, toward Mt. Wilson. Kid got good & wet & cold.

    Has anyone else noticed the commercials/promos for the NFL with Don Cheadle? Shame they didn't start the campaign earlier in the season.

    Gladys, my beloved computer, took the big dump last night. I've been able to scrounge up a replacement, but it feels funny.



    Tonight, Tuesday, the is nothing fresh on CBS - RERUN 'JAG', RERUN 'The Guardian', and RERUN 'Judging Amy'.
    Scheduled on Dave are Robin Williams and Emily Procter.
    Scheduled on Craiggers are Andy Garcia, Natasha Henstridge and Nick Carter.

    NBC opens with a RERUN 'Just Shoot Me', then a RERUN 'In-Laws', followed by a RERUN 'Fraiser', then a RERUN 'Hidden Hills', and caps the night with 'Dateline', where Dr. Phil will show off his newly refurbished teeth.
    Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Jay Mohr, Snoop Dogg, and Bring In Da Noise Bring In Da Funk.
    Scheduled on Conan arer Darrell Hammond, comic Paul S. Thompkins, and Sarah Vowell.
    On a RERUN Carson Daly (from 9/4/02) are Vincent Pastore and Duncan Sheik.

    ABC starts with a RERUN '8 Simple Rules', then a RERUN 'Jim' (with Dan Ackroyd), followed by a RERUN 'Bonnie', then a RERUN 'Less Than Perfect', and it's followed by the first hour (of 3 1/2 hours) of Dick Clark.

    The WB has a RERUN 'Gilmore Girls' followed by a RERUN 'Smallville'.

    Faux offers nothing fresh - RERUN 'That 70's Show', RERUN 'Andy Richter', and a RERUN 'John Doe'.

    UPN has a RERUN 'Buffy' followed by a RERUN 'Buffy'.

    Sci-Fi has 48 hours of 'Twilight Zone''s.

    TCM celebrates cross-dressing with 'Some Like It Hot', 'I Was A Male War Bride', and 'Victor/Victoria'.



    Anyone have any opinions?

    Or reviews?



    (See below for addresses)

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    'Happy New Year 2003'

    Glasses

    A street vendor wearing glasses that are shaped to represent the year 2003 and a hat that reads: 'Happy New Year 2003' sells his products in Lima, December 30, 2002. Thousands of yellow products are sold in Lima, because the color yellow in Peru is a symbol of good luck for the coming year.
    Photo by Pilar Olivares

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    CNN-Time Poll

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    Only Videos, No Commercials, for New Year

    MTV2

    Commercials are SO 2002. That's why MTV2 is airing eight straight hours of videos, without commercials, to ring in 2003.

    "MTV2's Monster Mix" will include club-style dance, hip-hop and party videos. They'll begin airing at 10 p.m. EST Dec. 31 and will run until 6 a.m. New Year's Day.

    At midnight, MTV2 will take a break to join the live coverage on sister channel MTV of the ball dropping on New York's Times Square. The Foo Fighters, Avril Lavigne and Busta Rhymes are among the acts performing that night at "MTV's New Years Eve Pajama Party."

    MTV2

    MTV2 Web site

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    Russia

    Winter

    A Russian woman jumps into cold water as a fisherman sits on ice, outside Moscow, December 7, 2002. Frosts came early to Moscow this winter season giving winter swimmers an opportunity to open the season earlier than usual.
    Photo by Viktor Korotayev

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    'Middle-Of-The-Road Greatness'(?)

    Chuck Barris

    Chuck Barris is worried "The Gong Show" may be his only legacy.

    Barris — whose book "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" is about to open as a movie directed by George Clooney— revolutionized the game show genre with the 1965 launch of "The Dating Game," followed by "The Newlywed Game," and "The $1.98 Beauty Show" among others.

    In 1976, he debuted his signature program, "The Gong Show," a wacky amateur talent contest in which judges clanged a gong to show their disapproval.

    Though successful with audiences, the shows were blasted as trashy and demeaning by critics. "I don't know if I'll ever get over it," he said in an interview with the Los Angeles Times, noting he only intended the shows as good fun.

    "I've created hit TV shows, but nothing has been great. I've written rock songs, but I'm not a big music star. I've penned a best-selling book, but I'm not Hemingway or Fitzgerald," he said. "I've never saved any lives. It's just middle-of-the-road greatness. So I know what my legacy will be: it's 'The Gong Show,' and that's a shame. It's not the legacy I want to have."

    Chuck Barris

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    The New Dumbledore?

    Michael Gambon

    Harry Potter's getting a brand new headmaster--and his name isn't Ian McKellen.

    Contrary to rampant tabloid reports over the past several days claiming the current Gandalf portrayer would pull double wizard duty as Hogwarts' Professor Albus Dumbledore, E! Online has learned that another acclaimed British thespian has in fact been tapped for the role vacated by the death of Richard Harris.

    Michael Gambon, who picked up Emmy and Golden Globe nominations for his virtuoso performance as Lyndon Johnson in HBO's Path to War, will be donning the robes as Dumbledore for the upcoming Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, according to a source familiar with the production.

    Following Harris' death from cancer in October, there had been much speculation over who would take over the role, with leading candidates supposedly including McKellen and even Harris' stand-in. But McKellen never seriously considered the role (he's already done the franchise thing with The Lord of the Rings and X-Men) and producers ultimately went with Gambon, a classically trained actor who studied with Laurence Olivier and whose credits include Gosford Park, The Insider and the lead in the British miniseries The Singing Detective.

    Although the exact terms of Gambon's deal are not known, he'll presumably play Dumbledore in the remaining Potter films. Aside from Prisoner of Azkaban, Warner Bros. is committed to turning Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire into a film. J.K. Rowling's still-in-the-works Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and the two planned but untitled final installments are also likely destined for celluloid, but no timetable is in place.

    Michael Gambon

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    Grateful For Longevity

    Neil Diamond

    After Neil Diamond went to see the animated hit "Shrek," he heard a group of giggling youngsters singing "I'm a Believer" in the lobby of the theater.

    "I couldn't resist. I went over and joined in, and we just sang the song together," Diamond said. "They had no idea that I had written it, or who I was. I was just some weird guy who wanted to join in on the singing."

    The 61-year-old singer-songwriter told the Las Vegas Review-Journal he's thrilled young people still like his music, even though critics haven't always hailed songs from the '60s to '80s that have included "Cherry Cherry," "I Am I Said," "Sweet Caroline" and "America."

    Neil Diamond

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    In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

    bartcook

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    Iraq Orders CNN Reporter Out

    Jane Arraf

    Iraqi officials have given the boot to CNN Baghdad bureau chief Jane Arraf.

    Iraqi chief information officer Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf informed newsgathering president Eason Jordan of the decree last week. The government gave no reason for her banishment, said a CNN spokesman, who added that the bureau will maintain operations.

    Nic Robertson and Ingrid Formanek -- veterans of the Persian Gulf War -- will report from the Iraqi capital, as will Rym Brahimi.

    Arabic-speaking Arraf has since hoofed it to neighboring Jordan.

    Arraf is now one of four high-profile CNN reporters to be ejected from the country in recent months. Christiane Amanpour, Wolf Blitzer and Richard Roth are all currently persona non grata in the country.

    Jane Arraf

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    For Times Square

    Balloons

    Aimie Sarkodie-Mensah, left, and her brother Aaron, both of Syracuse, N.Y., help inflate some of the 10,000 red balloons that will be distributed to revelers prior to midnight on New Year's Eve at Times Square Monday, Dec. 30, 2002 in New York.
    Photo by Kathy Willens

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    Man With An Opinion

    Harvey Fierstein

    Harvey Fierstein is the hardest-working man on Broadway - so it doesn't sit well with him when other members of the cast malinger. According to Filth2go.com, Fierstein is "not at all happy with the blasé attitude of the youthful 'Hairspray' cast." Fierstein, who never missed a performance of "Torch Song Trilogy" during its long run, started a "Wall of Shame" in which he posts the name of every cast member who misses a performance along with his or her picture. "An actor should be on stage unless they're in the hospital," Fierstein bellows, "or the morgue!"

    Harvey Fierstein

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    Buying More TV Stations

    Tribune Co.

    Media giant Tribune Co. announced Monday it has agreed to buy television stations in St. Louis and in Portland, Ore., for $275 million.

    The purchase of KPLR-TV in St. Louis and KWBP-TV in Portland from Acme Communications will bring to 26 the number of stations the company owns and operates.

    The St. Louis station is in the nation's 22nd largest television market, and Portland is the nation's 23rd. With the purchase, Tribune will own and operate stations in 18 of the country's top 30 markets. Both stations are in the WB Network, and their purchase will bring to 19 the number of WB stations owned and operated by the Tribune Co.

    The purchase will increase the Tribune Co.'s share of U.S. households to nearly 30 percent by Federal Communications Commission standards.

    Besides the television stations, Tribune's holdings include 12 daily newspapers, including the Chicago Tribune and the Los Angeles Times, and the Chicago Cubs baseball team.

    Tribune Co.

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    Formerly 'The Vidiot'

    pissed

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    Scaling Back

    U.S. Libraries

    Seattle's libraries were forced to close for two weeks. Denver doubled its late fees. And Sunday book browsing is out in Erie, Pa.

    Libraries across the country are cutting staff and services because of a budget crunch. Librarians say one of the most disturbing things is that the cutbacks are occurring at a time when an increasing number of people need libraries to help them find jobs.

    The problem stems from tight state and local budgets. When cuts need to be made, libraries are hard-pressed to compete against, say, fire and police protection.

    Elsewhere around the country:

    The Public Library of Cincinnati planned to close five branches in 2003, but after a public outcry decided to reduce staff and services.

    New York City, starting in October, reduced service at 67 of its 85 branches to five days a week, from mostly six; its 2003 budget was cut $16.2 million, or 14 percent, spokeswoman Nancy Donner said. The cuts came despite a 7 percent rise in attendance since September 2001.

    In suburban Detroit, the Berkley Public Library plans to cut hours and lay off its children's librarian, a 14-year veteran. "In 20 years I've never had to cut library hours," said director Celia Morse said. "To cut them twice in one year is particularly painful."

    Seattle shuttered its libraries for a week in August and December and will do so again in 2003, spokeswoman Andra Addison said. The budget has been cut $7 million in the last two years. Library workers voted for the closings and are going without pay during the shutdowns to avert job cuts.

    An American Library Association-sponsored study released this year found that circulation at 18 of the country's largest libraries was up about 8 percent in 2001 over the average of the four previous years.

    U.S. Libraries

    American Library Association

    Pennsylvania Library Association

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    After & More After

    Marcos

    A combination photograph shows(R) the defaced giant bust of former Philippine dictator Ferdinand Marcos after it was blown up in the northern Philippines December 29, 2002 and before the bust was defaced in this file photo taken March 5, 1997. Philippine communist rebels claimed responsibility December 30 for blowing up the huge statue which they said was a symbol of dictator-worship.
    Photo by Erik De Castro

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    DUI

    Diana Ross

    Singer Diana Ross was arrested early Monday for investigation of drunken driving, a newspaper reported on its Web site.

    A breath test showed Ross with a blood-alcohol level of 0.20 percent, which is more than twice the legal limit of 0.08, Tucson police Sgt. Judy Altieri told the Arizona Daily Star.

    Police pulled Ross over after someone alerted police to a vehicle that was swerving on the city's east side, Altieri said.

    Ross, 58, was cited for a misdemeanor and released, Altieri said.

    Diana Ross

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    To Cross Antarctic on Kite-Drawn Sleds

    Irish Duo

    Two Irishmen Monday sought to become the first people to cross the Antarctic on sleds pulled by large kites.

    Brian Cunningham, 59, and Jamie Young, 52, flew to the South Pole Sunday and were to begin the 650-mile journey Monday from the South Pole to Patriot Hills at the edge of Antarctica, Cunningham's wife Christine told Reuters.

    Their lightweight sled-like buggies, made of titanium and aluminum alloys and capable of speeds of up to 30 mph, were designed by an engineer with the Williams Formula 1 motor racing team, Kieron Bradley.

    The pair, both originally from County Antrim, are confident there will be enough wind to keep them moving and a spokesman for sponsors Nestle's Kit Kat said they would each be carrying five different sized kites to make best use of the breezes.

    The expedition has been timed to coincide with midsummer in Antarctica, giving them 24-hour sunlight that will enable them to travel for up to 18 hours a day. However, they will still have to endure temperatures of around minus four degrees Fahrenheit.

    They expect to complete their journey in under 14 days, as opposed to around 60 days for a conventional dog-and-man-hauled sledge expedition.

    Irish Duo

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    Lookout Mountain

    William Frederick Cody

    William Frederick Cody's tombstone with plaque is shown at the Buffalo Bill gravesite on Lookout Mountain outside of Golden, Colo., Dec. 2, 2002. Each year almost a half-million people visit the grave.
    Photo by David Zalubowski

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    'The Osbournes'

    'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4

    'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3

    'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2

    'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1

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    'The Year With George W. Bush'


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    Who served?

    The Chickenhawk Database

    Draft Dodging Conservatives

    Congressional Members with Military Service

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    Daily, hour-by-hour listings

    Internet Radio/TV For Progressives

    World Media Watch, updated M-W-F

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    Welcome !


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