"16 Badass Acts of Heroism (Done By Children)" (Cracked)
Children can be disgusting, infuriating, baffling, awful, and/or downright dumb -- and it turns out they can also be incredible badasses. Our readers combed the Internet to bring you incredible acts of bravery that'll make you second guess calling the neighbor kid a punk again.
David Bruce: Wise Up! Fans (Athens News)
While Johnny Cash was attending Dyess High School, Charlie and Ira Louvin - aka the Louvin Brothers - performed there. Johnny arrived two hours early, and he saw his heroes arrive. Charlie even spoke to him - to ask where was the bathroom. Johnny saw Charlie eating soda crackers - and thereafter Johnny ate soda crackers. The concert was fantastic, and when the Louvin Brothers drove away in their limousine, Charlie even waved to Johnny. It was a magical night.
Secret Squirrel is a cartoon character created by Hanna-Barbera, and also the name of his segment in the The Atom Ant/Secret Squirrel Show, which debuted in 1965. He was given his own show in 1966, but was reunited with Atom Ant for one more season in 1967. Secret first appeared in a prime-time animated special called The World of Atom Ant and Secret Squirrel, which aired on NBC on September 12, 1965.
Secret Squirrel (voiced by Mel Blanc) serves as a secret agent, taking orders from his superior Double-Q (voiced by Paul Frees) of the International Sneaky Service. His designation is Agent 000. Secret Squirrel is assisted in his adventures by fez-wearing sidekick Morocco Mole (also voiced by Paul Frees impersonating Peter Lorre). The pair fights crime and evil enemy agents using cunning and a variety of spy gadgets, including a machine gun cane, a collection of guns kept inside Secret's trench coat, and a variety of devices concealed in his fedora (which he almost never removes).
mj was first, and correct, with:
He retired to my back yard
That would be Secret Squirrel.
The 1960's ...in the heart of the cold war, we had lots of spy themed TV and movie entertainment.
Some of us are old enough to remember the '62 Cuban missile crisis - where the Soviets put ballistic missiles with atomic warheads a short 75 or so miles from our Florida shore...
of course, that was in response to US putting Jupiter ballistic missiles
in Italy and Turkey with Moscow definitely within easy range...
It was crazy - MAD actually...
...where the politicians and military crazies on all sides thought the really really smart thing to do would be to build so god-damned many nuclear weapons that if anyone got attacked, the whole world would be destroyed.
I'm not kidding - that really was the strategy!
"If you attack us we will burn the entire planet to a cinder."
That was the brilliant answer our world leaders came up with.
No shit: "You threaten us and we'll kill EVERYBODY."
Sorry... I got a little carried away (but it really WAS crazy and it really WAS scary)... the point was:
in the 60's, this all-consuming paranoia gave us all kinds of SPY-themed entertainment...
Jim from CA, retired to ID, responded:
OK, I know this - Morocco Mole was the sidekick of Secret Squirrel. It's been a long time since that character came up in conversation.
Secret Squirrel (voiced by Mel Blanc) serves as secret Agent 000. Secret Squirrel is assisted in his adventures by Morocco Mole (voiced by Paul Frees impersonating Peter Lorre).
Dale of Springy Diamonds, Norcaliful answered:
Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole. By the time they came on the air, I wasn't interested in shitty low-cost animation that they drowned the networks in. That all changed a few years later thanks to people getting electric. Yellow Submarine….yes!
If my memory serves me well, Marty, Morocco Mole is the sidekick of Secret Squirrel.
I should know, I used to watch a lot of television when I was younger.
As you all know the untimely passing of Terry was unexpected, even by
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CBS begins the night with a RERUN'NCIS', followed by the FRESH, but taped and edited 3 weeks ago, 'The 37th Annual Kennedy Center Honors'.
On a RERUNDave (from 12/11/14) are Chris Rock and Sting.
On a RERUNCraig (from 10/20/14) are Sarah Paulson and Jim Rash.
NBC starts the night with a RERUN'Chicago Fire', followed by another RERUN'Chicago Fire', then still another RERUN'Chicago Fire'.
On a RERUNJimmy Fallon (from 11/12/14) are Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne, and Logic.
On a RERUNSeth Meyers (from 9/30/14) are Nathan Lane, "Weird Al" Yankovic, and Garry Marshall.
On a RERUNCarson 'The Scab' Daly (from 11/18/14) are Cillian Murphy, Colleen Green, and Hector Tobar.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN'Forever', followed by another RERUN'Forever', then still another RERUN'Forever'.
On a RERUNJimmy Kimmel (from 12/15/14) are Emily Blunt, Lee Pace, and Alt-J.
The CW offers a RERUN'The Flash', followed by a RERUN'Supernatural'.
Faux has a RERUN'New Girl', followed by a RERUN'The Mindy Project', then a RERUN'New Girl', followed by a RERUN'The Mindy Project'.
MY recycles an old 'L&O: CI', followed by another old 'L&O: CI'.
[6:00AM] BBC World News
[6:30AM] BBC World News
[7:00AM] BBC World News
[7:30AM] BBC World News
[8:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 7 - Unification (Part 1)
[9:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 8 - Unification (Part 2)
[10:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 9 - A Matter of Time
[11:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 10 - New Ground
[12:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 11 - Hero Worship
[1:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 12 - Violations
[2:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 13 - The Masterpiece Society
[3:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 14 - Conundrum
[4:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 15 - Power Play
[5:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 16 - Ethics
[6:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 17 - The Outcast
[7:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 18 - Cause and Effect
[8:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 19 - The First Duty
[9:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 20 - Cost of Living
[10:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 21 - The Perfect Mate
[11:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 7 - Unification (Part 1)
[12:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 8 - Unification (Part 2)
[1:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 9 - A Matter of Time
[2:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 10 - New Ground
[3:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 11 - Hero Worship
[4:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 12 - Violations
[5:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 13 - The Masterpiece Society (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Girlfriends' Guide To Divorce', 'Real Housewives Of BH', followed by a FRESH'Real Housewives Of BH', then a FRESH'Girfriends' Guide To Divorce'.
FX has 'Mike & Molly', another 'Mike & Molly', followed by the movie 'Step Brothers'.
History has 'Revelation: The End Of Days', followed by a FRESH'Revelation: The End Of Days'.
[6:00AM] THE CHILDREN
[7:45AM] WES CRAVEN PRESENTS: THEY
[9:45AM] THE LAST EXORCISM
[11:45AM] THE CHILDREN
[1:30PM] JOHN CARPENTER'S THE FOG
[3:30PM] TRAPPED IN PARADISE
[4:00AM] SAW VI (ALL TIMES EST)
[6:00AM] Law & Order-His Hour Upon the Stage
[10:00AM] Beyond the Sea
[12:30PM] Best in Show
[2:30PM] Groundhog Day
[4:45PM] Blade Runner
[7:15PM] Basic Instinct
[5:10AM] 9 1/2 Weeks (ALL TIMES EST)
SyFy has the movie 'Disaster LA', followed by the movie 'Volcano'.
On a RERUNConan (from 10/23/14) are Neil Patrick Harris, Damian Lillard, and Kiesza.
Actor Simon Helberg, second from left, watches as Phoenix Suns forward Markieff Morris, left, guards Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant, right, during the second half of an NBA basketball game, Sunday, Dec. 28, 2014, in Los Angeles. The Suns won 116-107.
Photo by Mark J. Terrill
Former secretary of state Hillary Clinton remains the woman most admired by Americans, followed by television icon Oprah Winfrey and Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai, polling agency Gallup said Monday.
Clinton, a likely 2016 US presidential candidate, won the honor for the 13th year in a row, earning 12 percent of the votes.
Winfrey garnered eight percent, while five percent chose 17-year-old Yousafzai, who survived being shot by the Taliban and went on to win the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize for promoting child education rights.
President Barack Obama was the most admired man, earning 19 percent of votes, followed by Pope Francis on six percent.
Shamans holding a U.S.flag and a poster of Cuba's President Raul Castro, perform a ritual of predictions for the new year at Agua Dulce beach in Lima December 29, 2014. The ritual is an end-of-the-year tradition and the shamans used the chance to ask for world peace and better relations between the U.S. and Cuba for 2015.
Photo by Enrique Castro-Mendivil
John Oliver's HBO show "Last Week Tonight" remains on hiatus until 2015, but that didn't stop Oliver and his team from throwing up a web exclusive video so the comedian could absolutely blast New Year's Eve, a holiday he claims united all races and religions in their hatred of it.
"New Year's Eve is like the death of a pet," the former "Daily Show" correspondent said. "You know it's going to happen, but somehow you're never truly prepared for how awful it is."
And so, he offered a list of excuses that his fans could use to get out of going out and celebrating this horrific holiday, including discussing a recent cleanse or making up an illness - and a cousin to have it.
"What I'm saying is the best way to celebrate the spirit of New Year's Eve is by lying," Oliver explained.
For most of the past 20 years, a live animal has been used in a small North Carolina town's annual New Year's Eve Possum Drop. But this year, following challenges from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the organizer says he'll no longer use a live opossum - instead, it'll be a road-kill opossum or perhaps a pot of opossum stew.
The Brasstown event involves enclosing an opossum in a tinsel-covered plastic box and lowering it to the ground at midnight, then releasing the animal.
A judge ruled earlier this month that organizer Clay Logan could use a live opossum if he got a state permit. But Logan says he didn't have time. He says if he doesn't use a road-kill opossum or stew, it'll be something similar.
Logan says he used a dead possum once previously because of legal challenges.
Traditional Russian dolls Matryoshkas are displayed for sale in Moscow, Russia, Monday, Dec. 29, 2014. Russian Economic Development Ministry issued a report showing the economy declining by 0.5 percent year on year in November. This is the first time Russia's GDP has shown signs of recession since 2009.
Photo by Ivan Sekretarev
Theater-goers were generous to Broadway producers this holiday season, with 19 of the current 36 shows breaking the $1 million mark for the week and almost 30,000 more people in the seats than last Christmastime.
The Broadway League said Monday that shows on the Great White Way pulled in $40,993,950 for the week ending Sunday, better than the same week last year when 30 shows attracted $38,783,854. Attendance also went from 290,386 in 2013 to 318,721 this year, with crowds taking advantage of mild New York weather and Christmas falling on a Thursday.
"A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder" broke the Walter Kerr Theatre's house record for highest single-week gross, taking in $1,062,740 over eight shows, and "The Illusionists: Witness the Impossible" broke the house record at the Marquis Theatre by grossing $1,811,228 over 10 shows. "It's Only a Play," with Nathan Lane, broke the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre's eight-show record with $1,432,273.
Disney's "The Lion King" - which set a weekly record at the Minskoff Theatre with a nine-performance haul of $2,885,321 - will remain Broadway's highest grossing show of the year for the second time in a row, despite six other shows having higher average ticket prices.
Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech in the 1990s television show "Saved by the Bell," appeared in a Wisconsin courtroom Monday after posting bail on charges that he stabbed a man during a bar fight on Christmas.
Diamond, who spent the weekend in jail, posted $10,000 bail before his hearing in Ozaukee County Circuit Court. A criminal complaint charges Diamond with second-degree recklessly endangering safety, disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon.
Defense attorney Thomas Alberti requested reduced bail and a jury trial for Diamond, 37, who was wearing street clothes and did not speak in court.
The complaint says Diamond and his fiancee got into a tussle with two men and a woman at the Grand Avenue Saloon in Port Washington, where Diamond lives, on Thursday night.
Diamond told police he accidentally stabbed one of the men while trying to defend his fiancee. The man was not seriously injured. Police say officers recovered a switchblade.
Followers of the Afro-Brazilian religion Umbanda carry offerings and an image of Iemanja, goddess of the sea, in Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro December 29, 2014.Worshippers present gifts to the sea goddess at the end of every year, to give thanks and ask for blessings for the upcoming new year.
Photo by Ricardo Moraes
Sony Pictures said "The Interview" has earned more than $15 million in online sales and another $2.8 million in theaters, an impressive return made possible by the publicity surrounding the cyberattack blamed on North Korea.
The raunchy comedy that depicts the assassination of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un made almost as much money through online distribution and in limited theaters in its opening weekend as it would have in a wide release that was shelved after threats from hackers.
The studio said on Sunday the film had been purchased or rented online more than 2 million times on the four days through Saturday, making it Sony Pictures' No. 1 online movie of all time.
"That is a huge number," said Jeff Bock, a box office analyst at Exhibitor Relations.
"This is almost what it was going to do theatrically before it was pulled. It made about what people expected, but in a completely different way."
Stems of reed are covered with ice due to stormy winds in Lake Latokep near Debrecen, 226 kms east of Budapest, Hungary, Monday, Dec. 29, 2014, as sub-zero temperatures have prevailed over the whole country for the last couple of days.
Photo by Zsolt Czegledi
Every quarter, the National Security Agency generates a report on its own lawbreaking and policy violations. The reports are classified and sent to the President's Intelligence Oversight Board. It's unclear what happens once they get there.
Those reports are now online dating back to late 2001.
The NSA has posted redacted versions of the documents to its website. "These materials show, over a sustained period of time, the depth and rigor of NSA's commitment to compliance," the agency's self-congratulatory introduction declares. "By emphasizing accountability across all levels of the enterprise, and transparently reporting errors and violations to outside oversight authorities, NSA protects privacy and civil liberties while safeguarding the nation and our allies."
These NSA characterizations are not credible.
Even the uninformed observer will be suspicious of the spy agency's account upon learning that far from voluntarily releasing redacted versions of these documents, it was forced to do so by Freedom of Information Act requests filed by the ACLU. The NSA fought to continue suppressing these documents from the public, even though the redacted versions in no way harm U.S. national security.
Osmaida Casero, 45, member of the folkloric group "Bembe Ache" with his face painted with the Cuban flag performs in a park in Havana, Cuba, Monday, Dec. 29, 2014. Cuba and the U.S. announced on Dec. 17 that the two countries would resume diplomatic relations for the first time since 1961.
Photo by Ramon Espinosa
Each year since 1946, Gallup has asked Americans to name the living man or woman they most admire. The top vote-getters for 2014, announced on Monday, were no surprise: Barack Obama claimed victory in the male category for the seventh straight year, while Hillary Clinton extended her even more impressive run as "most admired woman" for the 17th time in the last 18 years, a record for the survey.
The most eyebrow-raising entrant on either list, however, was Vladimir Putin, who slipped into a tie for 10th place (with Israeli's Benjamin Netanyahu) after being named by 1 percent of respondents. In cracking the top 10, the widely condemned invader of Ukraine earned more votes than Vice President Joe Biden, the last two Republican and Democratic presidential nominees (before Obama), two ex-presidents (Jimmy Carter and George H. W. Bush), George Clooney, and the Dalai Lama. He even beat out Bono.
Now before we continue, a couple of caveats: In a sample size of 805 people, earning 1 percent of the vote does not amount to that many people, and the difference between Putin and, say, Mitt Romney or the first President Bush, who finished just below him, was probably just a single vote. Yet the question was open-ended, meaning that at least a half dozen people, without being prompted with a list, responded with Putin when asked, "What man that you have heard or read about, living today in any part of the world, do you admire most?"
And it's not as if Putin is a fixture on the annual list. He hasn't received a single vote since 2010, and nobody cited him as their "most admired man" in seven of the last 10 years. His stronger showing in 2014 comes during a year in which he drew near-universal scorn for ordering the annexation of Crimea and sending troops into eastern Ukraine. At the time the survey was conducted earlier this month, the Russian ruble was collapsing.
A boy walks behind an ice wall, at the annual ice sculpture festival in Bruges, western Belgium, Monday, Dec. 29, 2014. This year's theme is titled 'the Land of the Hobs', and takes visitors into the mythology of dwarves, elves, fairies, hunters, magicians and devilish figures.
Photo by Yves Logghe
Monarch butterflies may warrant U.S. Endangered Species Act protection because of farm-related habitat loss blamed for sharp declines in cross-country migrations of the orange-and-black insects, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said on Monday.
Monarch populations are estimated to have fallen by as much as 90 percent during the past two decades because of destruction of milkweed plants they depend on to lay their eggs and nourish hatching larvae, according to the Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation.
The loss of the plant is tied to factors such as increased cultivation of crops genetically engineered to withstand herbicides that kill native vegetation, including milkweed, the conservation group says.
Monarchs, unique among butterflies for the regularity and breadth of their annual migration, are also threatened by widespread pesticide use and logging of mountain forests in central Mexico and coastal California where some of them winter, said biologist Karen Oberhauser at the University of Minnesota.
An estimated 1 billion monarchs migrated to Mexico in 1996 compared with just 35 million last year, according to Marcus Kronforst, a University of Chicago ecologist who has studied monarchs.
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