Jason Ionnone: 5 Ignorant Jokes From the Last Comedians You'd Expect (Cracked)
Lazy hack comedy, sadly, has its audience. Men and women being different, hospital food sucking, fat people fatting, cats doing anything, een sawveeyet Rahshah, and shit yelled through a bullhorn will never not be yuk-yuk nirvana for comedy fans who hear "two-drink minimum" and interpret it as "all-drink maximum."
The Vampire Slayer
Many people have a favorite book, movie, or TV show that nobody seems to appreciate. And then one day it's considered a "classic." Here's the story of an underrated television show that became a cult and critical smash.
French professional wrestler and actor, André the Giant, was 6'3" and 240 pounds by the age of 12. Unable to fit on the school bus, he was driven to school by a kind neighbor. Who was his kind neighbor and chauffeur?
André René Roussimoff (May 19, 1946 - January 27, 1993), best known as André the Giant, was a French professional wrestler and actor. His best-remembered acting role was that of Fezzik, the giant in the film The Princess Bride. His size was a result of gigantism caused by acromegaly, and led to him being called "The Eighth Wonder of the World".
In the World Wrestling Federation (now known as WWE), André was a one-time WWF Champion and a one-time WWF World Tag Team Champion. In 1993, André was the inaugural inductee into the WWF Hall of Fame.
André Roussimoff was born in Grenoble, France, to Boris and Mariann Roussimoff, a couple of Bulgarian and Polish ancestry. As a child, he displayed symptoms of his gigantism very early, reaching a height of 6'3" and a weight of 240 pounds by the age of 12. Unable to fit on the school bus, he was driven to school by playwright Samuel Beckett, a neighbor. Roussimoff was a good student, but he dropped out after the 8th grade since he did not think having a high school education was necessary for a farm laborer.
Charlie was first, and correct, with:
Jefferson Airplane with Signe Toly Anderson (1966, pre-Grace Slick)
Maria Muldaur (2001, from an excellent album that may have gone under some people's radar)
Jim from CA, retired to ID, said:
playwright Samuel Beckett
Once again, Marty - you got me.
I haven't a clue.
Not even a guess.
He sure was a BIG fellow though...
...and he was terrific in The Princess Bride
But as to who drove him to school?
I have no idea.
Dale of the Diamond Springs, Norfallcali said:
Samuel Beckett, of "Waiting for Godot" fame. Saw Andre Rassle at the Oakland Coliseum Arena with my then 12 year old son. We were four rows back and that fucker was humungous! It's amazing how many of those WWE Stars are dead! Bobby Heenan is still a fucking weasel! Took my Grandson to a show in Sacramento earlier this year and it was one slick production. They were taping three shows in one night. The arena non-televised shows of yesteryear were far superior.
Samuel Barclay Beckett ~ An Irish avant-garde novelist, playwright, theatre director, and poet, who lived in Paris for most of his adult life and wrote in both English and French.
As you all know the untimely passing of Terry was unexpected, even by
him. We all knew he had cancer but we all thought he had some years
left. So some of us who have worked closely with him over the years are
scrambling around trying to figure out what to do. My job, among other
things, is to establish communications with the Bartcop community and
provide email lists and groups for those who might put something
together. Those who want to play an active roll in something coming from
this, or if you are one of Bart's pillars, should send an email to
Bart's final wish was to pay off the house mortgage for Mrs. Bart who is
overwhelmed and so very grateful for the support she has received.
Anyone wanting to make a donation can click on this the yellow donate
button on bartcop.com
But - I need you all to help keep this going. This note
isn't going to directly reach all of Bart's fans. So if you can repost
it on blogs and discussion boards so people can sign up then when we
figure out what's next we can let more people know. This list is just
over 600 but like to get it up to at least 10,000 pretty quick. So
here's the signup link for this email list.
( mailman.bartcop.com/listinfo/bartnews )
CBS begins the night with the chestnut 'Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer', followed by a RERUN'NCIS', then the FRESH'The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave are Ben Stiller, Olivia Munn, and LaLa Brooks.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Michael Sheen and Ben Schwartz.
NBC starts the night with a FRESH'The Voice', followed by a FRESH'Marry Me', then a FRESH'About A Boy', then the FRESH infomercial 'Angelina Jolie: Unbroken'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Fallon are Ricky Gervais, Steven Van Zandt, and ILoveMakonnen.
Scheduled on a FRESHSeth Meyers are Rosario Dawson, Eugenio Derbez, Sturgil Simpson, and Bob Mould.
Scheduled on a FRESHCarson 'The Scab' Daly are Rivers Cuomo, Weezer, and Shawn Christensen.
ABC opens the night with the chestnut 'Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town', followed by a FRESH'Marvel's Agents Of SHIELD', then a FRESH"Forever'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit, and Priority.
The CW offers a FRESH'The Flash', followed by a FRESH'Supernatural'.
Faux has a FRESH'MasterChef Junior', followed by a FRESH'New Girl', then a FRESH'The Mindy Project'.
MY recycles an old 'L&O CI', then another old 'L&O: CI'.
A&E has 'Storage Wars', another 'Storage Wars', still another 'Storage Wars', yet another 'Storage Wars', still another 'Storage Wars', followed by a FRESH'Storage Wars', then a FRESH'Shipping Wars', followed by a FRESH'Shipping Wars'.
AMC offers the movie 'Ghostbusters', followed by the movie 'Home Alone 2: Lost In New York', then the movie 'Home Alone 2: Lost In New York', again.
[6:00AM] BBC World News
[7:00AM] BBC World News
[8:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 6 - Ep 7 - A Good Man Goes to War
[9:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 6 - Ep 8 - Let's Kill Hitler
[10:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 6 - Ep 21 - Frame of Mind
[11:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 6 - Ep 22 - Suspicions
[12:00PM] Battlestar Galactica - Season 1 - Ep 9 - Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down
[1:00PM] Battlestar Galactica - Season 1 - Ep 10 - The Hand of God
[2:00PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares Revisited UK - Season 2 - Ep 1 - Revisited: La Riviera
[3:00PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares US - Season 5 - Ep 8 - Michon's
[4:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 10 - The Dauphin
[5:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 11 - Contagion
[6:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 12 - The Royale
[7:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 13 - Time Squared
[8:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 14 - The Icarcus FactorNEW
[9:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 15 - Pen PalsNEW
[10:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 16 - Q WhoNEW
[11:00PM] Atlantis - Season 2 - Ep 4 - The Marriage of Two Minds
[12:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 14 - The Icarcus Factor
[1:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 15 - Pen Pals
[2:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 16 - Q Who
[3:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 11 - Contagion
[4:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 12 - The Royale
[5:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 13 - Time Squared (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Girlfriends' Guide To Divorce', 'Real Housewives Of BH', followed by a FRESH'Real Housewives Of BH', then a FRESH'Girlfriends' Guide To Divorce'.
FX has 'Mike & Molly', followed by the movie 'Prometheus', then the SERIES PREMIERE'Sons Of Anarchy'.
History has 'The Curse Of Oak Island', another 'The Curse Of Oak Island', followed by a FRESH'The Curse Of Oak Island', then a FRESH'Search For The Lost Giants'.
[6:00AM] GARFUNKEL AND OATES-FIRST LOOK
[6:15AM] GARFUNKEL AND OATES-MATURITY
[6:45AM] THE CHÂTEAU
[8:45AM] CLERKS II
[11:00AM] KUNG POW: ENTER THE FIST
[12:45PM] THE CHÂTEAU
[2:45PM] CLERKS II
[7:00PM] THINGS ARE TOUGH ALL OVER
[9:00PM] FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
[11:00PM] CHEECH & CHONG'S NICE DREAMS
[1:00AM] CHEECH & CHONG'S NEXT MOVIE
[3:00AM] FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
[5:00AM] COMEDY BANG! BANG!-AMBER TAMBLYN WEARS A LEATHER JACKET & BLACK BOOTIES
[5:30AM] COMEDY BANG! BANG!-KEVIN SMITH WEARS A HOCKEY JERSEY & JEAN SHORTS (ALL TIMES EST)
[6:00AM] Rectify-Sleeping Giants
[9:15AM] The Fabulous Baker Boys
[11:45AM] Dead Man Walking
[2:15PM] Blade Runner
[4:45PM] Spy Game
[10:00PM] Beasts of the Southern Wild
[12:00AM] 9 1/2 Weeks
[2:30AM] Blade Runner
[5:00AM] Law & Order-Wages of Love (ALL TIMES EST)
SyFy has the movie 'Resident Evil: Extinction', followed by the movie 'Final Destination 3'.
Director Abel Ferrara, right, poses with French director Costa Gavras during a photo call for the 'Pasolini' screening at the Cinematheque Francaise in Paris, Monday Dec. 8, 2014.
Photo by Francois Mori
Once the lid was off the wood coffin holding the 2,500-year-old mummified remains of a 14-year-old Egyptian boy, scientist J.P. Brown could relax.
The conservator at Chicago's Field Museum and three other scientists had just used clamps and pieces of metal to create a cradle to lift the fragile lid. Wearing blue surgical gloves, they slowly lifted the contraption containing the coffin lid and carefully walked it to a table in a humidity-controlled lab at the museum.
The well-planned routine came Friday as scientists started conservation work on the mummy of Minirdis, the son of a stolist priest. The mummy needs to be stabilized so it can travel in the upcoming exhibit, "Mummies: Images of the Afterlife," which is expected to premier next September at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. It is expected to travel to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science in fall 2016.
The Field Museum has had the mummy since the 1920s, when the institution received it from the Chicago Historical Society. It's part of the museum's collection of 30 complete human mummies from Egypt.
Godzilla is stomping back. And this time, it's Made in Japan, like the original.
The announcement this week from Japanese film studio Toho comes after the success earlier this year of the Hollywood Godzilla, directed by Gareth Edwards, which grossed more than $500 million worldwide.
Toho said in 2004 it had made its last Godzilla film, the 28th in the series centered on the irradiated monster, which first stomped into the world in 1954.
Godzilla, or "gojira," as the Japanese say it - a combination of the words for "whale" and "gorilla" - was a mutation that emerged from the Pacific because of nuclear testing.
A continent-sized scan of North America is giving researchers the sharpest view yet of mysterious geological structures underneath the United States.
The impressive view comes from an ambitious experiment called EarthScope, which has scanned the country from California to Maine using hundreds of portable seismometers. (The next stop is Alaska.) Launched in 2004, the massive effort has already revealed new details about the geology of the western and central United States, such as the shape of Yellowstone's magma plume. Now, the first clear images of the entire continent are beginning to emerge, according to a study published Oct. 15 in the journal Geophysical Research Letters.
"This was the dream to start with," said Brandon Schmandt, lead study author and a seismologist at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque.
The EarthScope process resembles snapping a CT scan of the Earth, with a field crew moving sensitive earthquake detectors across the surface and researchers constructing an image of the rocks below.
A long-festering dispute over who gets to use the name of the popular 1960s rock band Creedence Clearwater Revival has done a 180 with lead singer John Fogerty now on the answering end of a lawsuit that claims he violated trademarks by recently using the band name.
The dispute actually stretches back to 1996 when Fogerty was the plaintiff in a lawsuit that alleged that drummer Douglas Clifford, bassist Stuart Cook and the wife of late rhythm guitarist Tom Fogerty (John's brother) had been the ones misusing trademarks through the "Creedence Clearwater Revisited" tour.
Fogerty was initially successful back then in getting a California District Court to issue an injunction. However, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals overturned the injunction by ruling in 1997 that the lower judge had erred in finding a probable likelihood of confusion and in presuming irreparable harm to Fogerty. The case then proceeded, and in 2001, the parties entered into a settlement agreement.
According to a new lawsuit by Clifford, Cook, Patricia Fogerty and Poor Boy Productions, it was John Fogerty who withdrew his objection to "Creedence Clearwater Revisited" in return for payment for uses of the "Revisited" name.
The latest lawsuit points out that after the settlement, Fogerty gave interviews where he continued to slam use of the "Creedence Clearwater Revisited" name.
A former music promoter who produced events for top-name acts such as the Rolling Stones, Elton John and Aerosmith has been extradited from Brazil to face U.S. charges in a $300 million fraud case.
Prosecutors say 72-year-old Jack Utsick fled to Brazil in 2006 during investigations by the FBI and Securities and Exchange Commission. After a lengthy court battle, Brazil ordered his extradition in August and he was flown to Miami on Saturday.
Authorities say Utsick operated his Worldwide Entertainment Inc. promotion company as a Ponzi scheme, repaying older investors with money from newer ones. The scheme defrauded an estimated 3,300 investors out of nearly $300 million.
Utsick is charged with eight counts of mail fraud, each carrying a maximum 20-year prison sentence. He has not yet entered a plea.
Director Peter Jackson (C) poses by his star, with actors (from L-R) Andy Serkis, Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lilly, Orlando Bloom, Elijah Wood and Lee Pace, after it was unveiled on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood, California, December 8, 2014.
Photo by Mario Anzuoni
The developer of a $750 million natural gas pipeline from Pennsylvania into New York has threatened to seize land from reluctant landowners through eminent domain.
A letter obtained by the Albany Times Union tells landowners who have refused to sell rights of way for the Constitution Pipeline that they have until Wednesday to accept offered prices. After that, developers will take them to court to force such sales for possibly less money.
Project opponents filed a complaint against the letters with New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman. His office declined comment but confirmed receipt of the complaint.
Lawyer Daniel Estrin of the White Plains-based Pace Environmental Litigation Clinic said the letter is meant to "bully landowners ... into waiving their property rights."
Asked about the legality of invoking eminent domain prior to meeting conditions outlined in the FERC approval, Constitution Pipeline Company spokesman Tom Droege told the Times Union, "We continue to communicate with landowners along the route to seek easement agreements ... We continue to work closely with other state and federal permitting agencies and remain optimistic that we will receive necessary clearances."
A man plays music on a saxophone next to the statue of late Brazilian musician Tom Jobim in Rio de Janeiro December 8, 2014. A statue of Tom Jobim was unveiled on Ipanema Beach on to mark 20 years since the death of one of Brazil's most widely respected musicians. The statue was placed at the start of the Vieria Souto Avenue, close to Arpoador, an iconic rock jutting out into the sea, where Jobim found much of his inspiration.
Photo by Ricardo Moraes
Two decades after Israeli spies helped Syrian Jews whisk ancient Hebrew bibles from Damascus to Jerusalem, Israel's national library asked an Israeli court on Monday to grant it custodianship over the manuscripts - a move that could spark an ownership battle over some of the Syrian Jewish community's most important treasures.
Known as the Crowns of Damascus, the nine leather-bound parchment books - some featuring microscopic calligraphy and gold-leaf illumination - were written mostly in Spain and Italy between 700 and 1,000 years ago. For hundreds of years, they were guarded inside synagogues in the Syrian capital, presented only on special occasions.
So, in a covert operation by Israel's Mossad spy agency, eight ancient bibles were spirited to Israel between 1993 and 1995. The ninth was smuggled out of Syria in 1993 with the help of a Canadian Jewish activist.
Details of the Mossad operation remain classified, but the man who helped organize it was Rabbi Avraham Hamra, the then-leader of the Damascus Jewish community who now lives in Israel. Shabtai Shavit, the Mossad director at the time, confirmed Hamra's involvement, without giving details.
The existence of the bibles was revealed in 2000 when they were exhibited at the Israeli president's residence. And on Monday, the National Library of Israel went to court to formally ask the Justice Ministry to establish a kind of public charitable trust for the nine Crowns of Damascus.
Twice a year, Marcus Dodge assigns a worker to don disposable coveralls and a respirator for a trip to a downtown Fairbanks parking garage to clean up deposits from a non-native species.
Dodge, director of the Fairbanks Parking Authority, estimates the worker picks up 150 gallons of pigeon dung annually and hauls it to the hazardous materials area at the landfill.
The downtown pigeon population appears to be growing, according to Dodge and others. Businesses are experimenting with ways to deter the bird, the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner reported.
One pigeon can produce 25 pounds of guano per year, according to a government report detailing New York City's pigeon problem. The droppings were cited as possible cause for speeding the decay of a Minneapolis bridge across the Mississippi River that collapsed in 2007 and killed 13 people.
Hunters and dog trainers introduced pigeons to Fairbanks, said Cathie Harms, spokeswoman for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game. The best way to deter them, she said, is to eliminate their food source.
Weatherwax died Sunday from a heart attack, his niece, Shanyn Vieira, announced on Facebook. Later, TMZ reported that he died in his California home and that there will be two funerals, one for the family and one for the fans.
Weatherwax starred as Pugsley, the reserved, insect-eating son of Gomez and Morticia Addams (John Astin and Carolyn Jones) and the brother of Wednesday Addams (Lisa Loring), on the campy Filmways Television sitcom.
Based on the New Yorker comic strip by cartoonist Charles Addams, The Addams Family spent just two seasons (1964-66) on ABC but aired for years in syndication. It also spawned a pair of Barry Sonnenfeld movies in the 1990s that had Jimmy Workman playing Pugsley.
A native of Los Angeles, Weatherwax also appeared in toothpaste commercials and on a 1964 episode of Wagon Train. After The Addams Family ended, he tried out for other roles but didn't land anything, saying he was a victim of typecasting, he told Bill O'Reilly in a 2008 interview.
Bulu Mata, an orphaned Sumatran orangutan baby is held by Hungarian keeper Bernadett Marschalko as it departs for the UK from the Budapest Zoo in Budapest, Hungary, Monday, Dec. 8, 2014. The baby's mother perished one week after Bulu Mata was born, and he was raised by keepers of the Budapest Zoo in the past three months. He is now transported to Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre near Wool in Dorset, South West England.
Photo by Attila Kovacs
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican hypocrites?