Robert Evans, Julianna, Andy H.: 6 Weird Ways the World Looks Different When You're Asexual (Cracked)
For the majority of people, sex is the most compelling thing in the world, for obvious "perpetuation of the species" reasons. Sex sells. Sex rules. Sex draws the eyes to this paragraph like a tractor beam, because the word "sex" is in it like a million times. But there are people out there with no interest in sex at all. They aren't sick, or drugged, or suffering from any sort of disorder; they're asexual. Cracked sat down with two of these people to learn a little bit more about what life is like when your anaconda don't want none, period.
The 46th Academy Awards were presented April 2, 1974, at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, Los Angeles. The ceremonies were presided over by John Huston, Diana Ross, Burt Reynolds, David Niven.
While David Niven was introducing Elizabeth Taylor to present the award for Best Picture, a streaker named Robert Opel ran out from backstage, a moment which showed David Niven's natural aplomb as he quickly quipped about the man's "shortcomings".
Charlie was first, and correct, with:
I wasn't watching, but I remember the incident from second-hand.
Alan J wrote:
He noted that
The young man obviously wasn't embarrassed by his shortcomings. David
Niven was cool that way, and he was the second best Bond.
I seem to recall that silly episode and I think it was David Niven
...he was the presenter, not the streaker...
David Niven was a pretty cool British guy
that starred in lots of great old movies.
For example, he was the thief,
Sir Charles Lytton a.k.a. "The Phantom"
that stole the diamond that was called
The Pink Panther
and he was Phileas Fogg in
Around the World in 80 Days
He even played a debonair Count Dracula in
the very crappy old 70's movie,
He even played James Bond, old 007
himself, in the whacky 1965 version of
But a lot of folks remember him as
"that guy at the academy awards
that got streaked"
Hey, that guy wasn't the only streaker in the 70's...
It was kind of a popular fad at the time - lots of people were doing it.
Ray Stevens even wrote a Billboard #1 song called "The Streak"
Here he comes, there he goes
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...
"Don't look, Ethel! ...too late: free shot
"Grandstanded... Right there in front of the home team"
That would be David Nevin who said:
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn't it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?"
Hmmm...Shot in the dark?
Sandra from Bangor said:
Jim from CA, retired to ID, wrote:
David Niven interrupted by streaker
John I from Hawai'i says,
I knew that w/o google: David Niven
Kevin K in Washington, DC responded:
It was David Niven, who quipped with a question: "why was that fellow so
eager to display his shortcomings?" or something like that.
Dale of Diamond Springs, Norfallcali said:
David Niven said pokerfaced after a streaker sprinted across stage during that Academy Award telecast: "Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn't it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings? Quite a handsome and stoic actor. I used to go to the Red, White and Blue beaches at Pacifica and Davenport, but I don't ever remember any pubic displays on the run.
Memo to JoeS: Hercules and Xena, huh? Yeah, me too... 'The Bomb'...
But, I gotta ask ya now; Why did Kevin's sidekick seem such a dweeb, yet Lucy's was a hottie? What was up with that?
All right... I'm sorry for the Ray Stevens thing, okay? Sometimes absurdities like that jus' come-a blurtin' outta me an' it can't be helped. Seriously... It's like Atë is makin' me her special project, or some such thing.
Jus' kidding! I'm not sorry! Not one dagnab teensie-weensie micro-iota bit!... (An' the blurtin' out absurdities thing, well, it's part of my charm an' dagnab intentional, I'm tellin' ya... Right, Boss? Har!)
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CBS begins the night with a FRESH'NCIS', followed by a FRESH'NCIS: The 3rd One', then a FRESH'Person Of Interest'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave are Emily Blunt, Adam Resnick, and Wu-Tang Clan.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Kristin Chenoweth and Michael Ealy.
NBC starts the night with a FRESH'The Voice', followed by a FRESH'Marry Me', then a FRESH'About A Boy', followed by a FRESH'Chicago Fire'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Fallon are Bill O'Really (R-Propagandist) and Lorde.
Scheduled on a FRESHSeth Meyers are Jason Sudeikis and Aubrey Plaza.
On a RERUNCarson 'The Scab' Daly (from 10/14/14) are William H. Macy, Lemaitre, and Tearist.
ABC fills the night with FRESH'Dancing With The Stars'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Chris Pine, Evangeline Lilly, and Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo.
The CW offers a FRESH'The Flash', followed by a FRESH'Supernatural'.
Faux has a FRESH'MasterChef Junior', followed by a FRESH'New Girl', then a FRESH'The Mindy Project'.
MY recycles an old 'L&O: CI', followed by another old 'L&O: CI'.
A&E has 'Storage Wars', another 'Storage Wars', still another 'Storage Wars', yet another 'Storage Wars', followed by a FRESH'Storage Wars', then another FRESH'Storage Wars', followed by a FRESH'Shipping Wars', then another FRESH'Shipping Wars'.
AMC offers the movie 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice', followed by the movie 'The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button'.
[6:00AM] BBC World News
[7:00AM] BBC World News
[8:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 5 - Ep 3 - Victory of the Daleks
[9:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 5 - Ep 4 - The Time of Angels
[10:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 5 - Ep 5 - Flesh and Stone
[11:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 6 - Ep 5 - Schisms
[12:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 6 - Ep 6 - True Q
[1:00PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares UK - Season 2 - Ep 7 - Oscars
[2:00PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares US - Season 6 - Ep 10 - Mill Street Bistro, Part 1
[3:00PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares US - Season 6 - Ep 11 - Mill Street Bistro, Part 2
[4:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 4 - Ep 4 - Suddenly Human
[5:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 4 - Ep 5 - Remember Me
[6:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 6 - The Schizoid Man
[7:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 7 - Unnatural Selection
[8:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 8 - A Matter of Honor NEW
[9:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 9 - The Measure of a Man NEW
[10:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 10 - The Dauphin NEW
[11:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 8 - A Matter of Honor
[12:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 9 - The Measure of a Man
[1:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 10 - The Dauphin
[2:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 6 - The Schizoid Man
[3:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 7 - Unnatural Selection
[4:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 8 - A Matter of Honor
[5:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 2 - Ep 9 - The Measure of a Man (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Real Housewives Of Atlanta', 'Real Housewives Of BH', followed by a FRESH'Real Housewives Of BH', then a FRESH'The People's Couch'.
Comedy Central has 'South Park', 'Tosh.0', another 'Tosh.0', still another 'Tosh.0', yet another 'Tosh.0', still another 'Tosh.0', followed by a FRESH'Tosh.0', then a FRESH'Sneak Peek'.
On a RERUNJon Stewart (from 11/5/14) is John Cleese.
On a RERUNColbert Report (from 11/5/14) is Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand.
FX has the movie 'Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa', followed by the movie 'Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted'.
History has 'The Curse Of Oak Island', another 'The Curse Of Oak Island', followed by a FRESH'The Curse Of Oak Island', then a FRESH'Search For The Lost Giants'.
[6:00AM] GARFUNKEL AND OATES-SPEECHLESS
[8:45AM] OPEN WATER
[2:45PM] OPEN WATER
[4:30PM] ALIEN 3
[7:00PM] A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
[9:00PM] A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
[11:15PM] A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
[1:15AM] A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
[3:30AM] ALIEN 3 (ALL TIMES EST)
[6:00AM] Rectify-Sleeping Giants
[7:00AM] Love Lust-Love Lust & Sex Symbols
[9:45AM] Melinda and Melinda
[2:30PM] Runaway Train
[5:00PM] The Dead Zone
[7:15PM] Dolores Claiborne
[10:00PM] Little Children
[1:00AM] Bull Durham
[3:15AM] Dolores Claiborne (ALL TIMES EST)
SyFy has the movie 'The Fifth Element', followed by the movie 'Shutter Island'.
On a RERUNConan (from 9/22/14) are Zooey Deschanel, Breckin Meyer, and Beck.
Meryl Streep, left, and Marlo Thomas, right, sit together on stage before being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama, Monday, Nov. 24, 2014, during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House in Washington. President Obama is presenting the nation's highest civilian honor to 19 artists, activists, public servants and others.
Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais
When a letter credited with inspiring Jack Kerouac to create a new literary genre suddenly surfaced, no one was happier than an 86-year-old poet and playwright from New Jersey.
For more than 50 years, Gerd Stern had been wrongly accused of tossing what Kerouac called "the greatest piece of writing I ever saw" over the side of a houseboat.
"Yes, I'm the guy who dropped the letter off the boat, but of course I didn't," Stern, laughing heartily, said after The Associated Press reported Sunday that the 16,000-word screed to Kerouac from his friend and literary muse Neal Cassady was found intact last week in a house in Oakland.
"At least 12 literary publications through the years have accused me," Stern said. "People have written to me and damned me for this. After 50 years, it's a blessing to be vindicated."
If Stern hadn't dropped the letter off that boat, Kerouac told The Paris Review in 1968, the writing would have transformed his car-stealing, marijuana-dealing, con-man friend Cassady into a literary giant.
U.S. President Barack Obama presents the Presidential Medal of Freedom to singer Stevie Wonder (R) during a White House ceremony in Washington, November 24, 2014. The Presidential Medal of Freedom is the Nation's highest civilian honor, presented to individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.
Photo by Kevin Lamarque
After record snowfalls, Buffalo, New York is now bracing for a massive melt.
Some areas of the region received seven feet of the white stuff - a whole year's worth in just a few short days. And now officials are worried that with the temperatures rising dramatically, things may get even worse with massive flooding.
Once-in-a-century type of events like these may become the new climate normal, and it may be at point where they are unavoidable, warns a new World Bank Report on climate change out this week.
Scientists are saying that if the climate warming trend continues, Buffalo, for instance, may experience a higher frequency of intense snowfall events like this past week's. Rising temperature are beginning to keep parts of the Great Lakes ice-free for extended periods of time from autumn through spring. This is expected to add even more moisture to the air above the lakes, and will just fuel and intensify what are known as lake effect snow events.
Musician Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead (2nd R) with Shala Weir, Chloe Weir and Natascha Weir arrives for the 2014 American Music Awards at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, California, USA, 23 November 2014.
Photo by Paul Buck
California's Pala Indians have launched their Internet gambling site in New Jersey following a test period last week, becoming the first tribe to do so in the state.
The Pala Band of Mission Indians received permission late Friday from New Jersey gambling regulators for a full launch of the website in a partnership with Atlantic City's Borgata. PalaCasino.com started taking bets Saturday morning, said Jim Ryan, CEO of Pala Interactive, the tribe's Internet gambling arm.
The tribe's entry into New Jersey's online market comes at the anniversary of Internet gambling, which has not produced nearly the amount of revenue state officials had hoped. When it began on Nov. 25, 2013, New Jersey officials were projecting a $1 billion a year industry in its first year; to date, only about a tenth of that, or $111 million, has been won online by the casinos.
The tribe, which runs the Pala Casino and Spa in San Diego County, California, is using one of the Borgata's online gambling licenses. Like other New Jersey Internet gambling providers, it can only take bets from customers within New Jersey's borders.
A woman accused of firing a gun at her estranged husband and his two sons in what she said was self-defense took a plea deal in a case that first got attention because her attorneys used Florida's "stand your ground" law in its defense, arguing that she feared for her life before discharging the weapon.
Marissa Alexander is charged with three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for the 2010 shooting. Under the deal with prosecutors, she would receive credit for the 1,030 days she has already served. Alexander's chief attorney, Bruce Zimet, said it was his client who agreed to the deal after it was offered.
Had the 34-year-old Alexander, of Jacksonville, been convicted of all counts at her second trial in the case - set to begin Dec. 1 - she would have had to serve 60 years because of Florida's minimum-mandatory sentencing rules when a firearm is involved.
During her first trial, the jury deliberated just 12 minutes before delivering a guilty verdict. Under Florida law, anyone who fires a gun during the commission of a felony is subject to a minimum of 20 years in prison, which was her original sentence. After serving 21 months, Alexander's conviction was overturned by an appeals court judge, who said the previous ruling had incorrectly placed the burden on Alexander to prove that she was abused by Gray.
At the first trial, her attorneys said the "stand your ground" law, best known in George Zimmerman's fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin, was applicable in Alexander's case. The law says individuals have no duty to retreat from a place where they have a right to be and may use any level of force, including lethal, if they reasonably believe they face an imminent and immediate threat of serious bodily harm or death.
Ethnic Dong women wearing traditional costumes make their way to sing at an inauguration ceremony of a Dong culture Museum in Tongguan village, Liping county, Guizhou province, November 22, 2014. As part of a Tongguan tradition, people hold a feast and sing folk songs for wedding and inauguration ceremonies in the village.
Photo by Sheng Li
An admiral linked by Navy investigators to counterfeit casino chips has denied he played any role in making them.
Investigation records say his DNA was found on the underside of an adhesive sticker used to alter one of the phony chips, but previously undisclosed emails indicate that the presence of his DNA is not conclusive evidence that he was involved in the fakery.
Rear Adm. Timothy M. Giardina, who was fired last year as No. 2 commander of U.S. nuclear forces at an early stage of a Navy criminal investigation into the counterfeit chips, acknowledged to The Associated Press that he played the fake chips at a poker table in the Horseshoe Casino in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in June 2013.
But on Sunday he denied any involvement in the counterfeiting or even knowing the chips were fakes at the time he used them.
The three chips in question were altered with paint and stickers to make genuine $1 casino chips look like $500 chips.
A sophisticated cybersespionage tool has been stealing information from governments and businesses since 2008, researchers said Monday, and one report linked it to US and British intelligence.
The security firm Symantec identified the malware, known as Regin, and said it was used "in systematic spying campaigns against a range of international targets," including governments, businesses, researchers and private individuals.
The news website The Intercept reported later Monday that the malware appeared to be linked to US and British intelligence, and that it was used in attacks on EU government networks and Belgium's telecom network.
The report, citing industry sources and a technical analysis of the malware, said Regin appears to be referenced in documents leaked by former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden about broad surveillance programs.
Symantec's report said the malware shares some characteristics with the Stuxnet worm-- a tool believed to have been used by the US and Israeli governments to attack computer networks involved in Iran's nuclear program.
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan set off a new controversy on Monday, declaring that women are not equal to men and accusing feminists of not understanding the special status that Islam attributes to mothers.
Addressing a meeting in Istanbul on women and justice, Erdogan said men and women are created differently, that women cannot be expected to undertake the same work as men, and that mothers enjoy a high position that only they can reach.
"You cannot put women and men on an equal footing," Erdogan said. "It is against nature. They were created differently. Their nature is different. Their constitution is different."
Erdogan, a devout Muslim, often courts controversy with divisive public comments. He has previously angered women's groups by stating that women should bear at least three children and by attempting to outlaw abortion and adultery.
Enas Shalodi, a Palestinian mother of six, has been severely punished by Israel for something she didn't do.
A wrecking crew gutted her family's apartment in Jerusalem last week, tearing down inner walls and leaving behind a thick layer of debris.
The demolition came a month after her oldest son, 21-year-old Abdel Rahman, drove a car into a crowd waiting for a train in Jerusalem, killing a 3-month-old girl and an Ecuadorean tourist before being shot and killed at the scene.
Israel says it needs tougher tools to stop recent "lone wolf" attacks on Jews by Palestinians. But critics say the practice is strikingly at odds with basic notions of justice, fairness and legality in a democracy - and that it is bound to bring on more hatred rather than serve as a deterrent.
In razing the homes of attackers, Israel is reviving a punishment it largely halted in 2005. An army committee found at the time that punitive demolitions don't deter potential attackers.
A topless activist of women's rights group Femen holds a European flag as she demonstrates inside Strasbourg's Cathedral on the eve of Pope Francis' visit to European institutions, in Strasbourg, November 24, 2014. Pope Francis will address the European Parliament and the Council of Europe on Tuesday in Strasbourg. The words read, "anti Secular Europe".
Photo by Vincent Kessler
The Chukchi Sea's unrelenting waves were slowly ripping away the land and homes of the 600 or so residents of this Alaska Native village on a sinking barrier island. U.S. government reports determined that the community was "imminently threatened" with inundation and needed "immediate action" to move to safer ground on the mainland. Villagers voted 161-20 to relocate off the island. Shishmaref, the media proclaimed, would be the United States' first climate refugees. That was in 2002.
More than a decade later, the U.S. government has yet to come up with a new location. Shishmaref has stayed put, protected temporarily by a $19 million rock revetment that the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers finished in 2009.
If Alaska is a test, the U.S. is failing it. The nation lacks any designated agency to help communities relocate even if they are literally falling into the water. Shishmaref is one of three Alaska Native communities on an emergency relocation list put out by the Army Corps and the U.S. General Accounting Office, but none have been able to move.
Alternative sites selected by federal, state and tribal officials rest on thawing permafrost. The land would slump and sink into a muddy mess unless there was sand or gravel added at great expense to stabilize it. Many residents feel safer where they are, behind the row of rocks the agency installed as a stopgap measure.
Ironically, the Iņupiats were forced to consolidate on the barrier island about 90 years ago because of federal rules requiring a centralized school. Alaska Natives spread along 100 miles of shoreline were gathered together on a barrier island.
A DNA test has confirmed that a lone gray wolf is roaming Arizona, just north of the Grand Canyon, a long way from its home in the northern Rockies.
The animal, which is protected under the Endangered Species Act, is the first known gray wolf to visit Arizona in about 70 years. The species disappeared from the state in the 1940s, which makes this development exciting news for conservationists who want to see wolves spread back into their former habitats.
After repeated sightings of the wolf over the last month, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) collected a sample of the animal's feces in Kaibab National Forest, near the north rim of the Grand Canyon.
The feces sample was sent to the University of Idaho's Laboratory for Ecological, Evolutionary and Conservation Genetics, where a DNA test revealed that the animal is a female gray wolf from the northern Rocky Mountains population. This means the wolf traveled at least 450 miles (725 kilometers) to get to northern Arizona. But such treks are not uncommon for gray wolves, FWS officials said.
In this photograph taken on Thursday, Nov. 20, 2014, bud tender Emma Attolini displays marijuana bud in shape of Christmas tree on sale for the holiday season in a recreational marijuana shop in northwest Denver. Colorado's nascent marijuana industry has taken aim at cashing in on holiday shoopers with new products while employing sales techniques followed by traditional retailers.
Photo by David Zalubowski
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