BartCop Entertainment Archives - Tuesday, 6 November, 2007

Tuesday

6 November, 2007

(Updated Daily)

[101 days in a row]

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(Disinformation Today - #225)

The New L.A. Free Press

Issue #2.06

By Michael Dare





Issue 2.06

Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 12:01 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.

forgive the lack of capitals as I am text messaging. i am a writer for the colbert report and im tired of being muzzled. the truth has got to come out concerning the real story behind colberts presidential campaign which has been completely covered up by the press. im friends with one of the janitors at the wga, and after the last meeting i snuck around the offices with a key. i found secret memos (attached) between the wga and the south carolina democratic party in which certain hollywood contributors were able to bribe and blackmail the members of the election committee into stopping colbert from appearing on their ballot. colbert has a secret agenda to legalize prostitution, socialize medicine, and make gay marriages mandatory. behind the scenes, he's a tyrant, nothing like the character he plays, totally lacking in humor. he holds his breath when he doesn't get his way, and hes got a strange and incomprehensible fixation on bunnies. (he won't work unless one is in the room.) he doesnt like my punctuation and insists we put punchlines ALL IN CAPS. i wouldnt be saying this if it werent for the fact none of us writers really need a pay raise, were doing quite fine actually, and the whole strike is just a cover-up for their blatant manipulation of the electoral process. hillary doesnt want his name on the ballot and thats that. the best thing about the strike is i dont have to be in the same room with steven colbert and get a nice vacation from his tyranny. if you publish this please leave off my name.
sincerely,
gregory dacted
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 6:14 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.

Comedy Central Press Release:
NEW YORK - We do not now, nor have we ever, had an employee named Gregory Dacted. Any statements he may have made concerning the relationship between the WGA and Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign are purely circumstantial.
Sincerely,
Gregory Splendant
Vice-President in charge of cover-ups, Murdoch Communications

Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 8:00 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.

Contract 2007 Negotiations Statement
LOS ANGELES - The WGA Negotiating Committee, on behalf of the Writers of Guild of America, West (WGAW) and the Writers Guild of America, East (WGAE), has issued the following statement regarding Contract 2007 negotiations: The strike is on. The producers have negotiated in bad faith. They put the screw in scruples, and the disinformation campaign has already begun. You may have already received an email from someone claiming to write for the Colbert Report or from a "Gregory Splendant" who supposedly works for Comedy Central. He doesn't. We ask you to take all this into account when you vote for Hillary.
Sincerely,
Gregory Diculous
Special assistant to the director of press manipulation, WGA

Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 8:12 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
COLBERT REPORT PRESS RELEASE:
Steven Colbert won't allow the writers strike to get in the way of his presidential campaign. He calls on the internet to carry on for him, urging his fans to keep the ball rolling at his website. This new "homegrown" approach is separate from his relationship with Comedy Central, who continue to claim they're just producing a TV show with no political agenda.
Sincerely,
Gregory Lationship
Publicity, Colbert Productions
 
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 9:04 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
i also broke into comedy central and checked out colberts contract. it specifically delineates specific pay increased based upon precise numbers of viewers, which will unquestionably go down when its back to reruns this week and for god knows how long. translated into dollars, comedy central aint gonna be filling any colbert for president coffers. come on, guys, television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. the point is carol fowler, the chairwoman of the south carolina democratic party, says shell return colberts check and hes going to need it if this strike goes on and of course my name really isn't gregory dacted.
sincerely,
gregory dacted
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 9:30 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
Rupert Murdoch Press Release:
New York - The next president will be who I say it is.
Sincerely,
Rupert Fucking Murdoch
 
Monday morning, November 5, 2007, at precisely 10:0 AM, the Los Angeles Free Press received the following email, which we present unedited.
PRESS RELEASE: Los Angeles Free Press
In solidarity with our fellow writers, the writing staff of the Los Angeles Free Press is on strike too, and promises not only to skip work today but to turn down any lucrative contracts that may be offered by unscrupulous production companies looking for cheap filler material.
Sincerely,
Gregory Verberate
Copy Editor, LA Free Press

The Editorial We

We here at the Los Angeles Free Press were expecting our writing staff to come up with some sort of lead story this week about the presidential race, but since they're on strike in support of the WGA (Millionaire Screenwriter's Association), we've had to make do with a mysterious series of emails that came our way this morning. We seem to have stumbled upon a conspiracy between the WGA the South Carolina Democratic Party to prevent Stephen Colbert's name from appearing on the ballot. Since the whistleblower claims to be a comedy writer, the bad jokes seem to back his story. This is either a heinous travesty of justice or further proof that all the world's a stagecoach robbery where the sheriff's working for the banditos.

In any case, we'd like to thank whatever mysterious writer who may or may not work for the Colbert Report has decided to bestow upon us this fabulous story.
 
The actual writers of the Colbert Report are members of the WGA, as am I, so officially neither of us can write for the show during a strike, but journalism's another matter. There is nothing stopping any of us from writing an article for a newspaper concerning what we think should be on the Colbert Report this week, and if Stephen Colbert decides to use the material, that's fine too, as long as he doesn't pay us., which would make us scabs, not only incurring the wrath of Joe Eszterhas but the ghost of Woody Guthrie would haunt our dreams forever, not to mention disqualifying us from ever working for a WGA signatory again.
 
On the other hand, there's nothing to stop me from paying the writers of the Colbert Report to write an article/episode of the Colbert Report for the Los Angeles Free Press, so consider it assigned. Similarly there's nothing to stop me from accepting an ad from Comedy Central for the Colbert Report, the cost of which would mysteriously somehow match the salaries of his old writing staff, plus 10% for myself, even though I don't have an agent's license, which I don't need because this is just journalism, not television, after all.
 
Should Mr. Colbert decide to use the material written by his own writers but delivered in a newspaper instead of from the script department, I won't stop him. If Comedy Central refuses to run an ad, the writers will just have to make do with the standard stipend the Los Angeles Free Press currently pays its writers, which is nothing. They will, however, be satisfied with readers instead of viewers, though the chances of another Emmy are slim.
 
Either way, there's no excuse for there being no Colbert Report this week. The Stephen Colbert played by Stephen Colbert doesn't need no stinking writers and can tell the other Stephen Colbert to go to hell.
 
So come on guys, submit your stuff. Don't worry. No one will know. I'll put the Free Press name on it with a license from the Creative Commons. And if Stephen Colbert decides to use any of the material, I'll pass the check on to you, and we all get to feel like Woody Allen saying "You can all go fuck yourselves" to the congressional committee at the end of The Front.
 
What the fuck. Make it 15%

 
NEW THIS WEEK

Cover-ups always help reiterate conspiracy theories. We'd never heard of the toxic waste that may have been in the smoke of the California fires until we were forwarded an email from Janis R. England, who put together a fascinating series of facts at her website, toxicsites.org. Like the best conspiracy theories, it's accompanied by what looks like a cover-up. It's certainly our Conspiracy Theory of the Week.

One of the writing team of Ira Miller and John Kapelos was the guy in History of the World Part I who, in response to the question "What do we do with runaway slaves?" steps out the crowd and says "You shove a live snake up their ass," and the other was the janitor in Breakfast Club. If you want to know which is which, you'll have to rent the movies. You certainly won't find out by reading their review of Levon Helm's new CD, Dirt Farmer.

See the rest at
http://www.dareland.com/freep

Michael Dare
michael @ dareland.com


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'Best of TBH Politoons'

Click Here!



Thanks, again, Tim!

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PURPLE GENE'S WEIRD WORD OF THE WEEK

CATOPTROPHOBIC

"CATOPTROPHOBIC"

ON LINE DEFINITION: One who fears mirrors.

ON THE STREET: Someone so insecure and ugly that they break all the mirrors in their house.

IN THE MOVIES: "Mirror Mirror on the wall.....who's the fairest of them all?" (the evil Queen (who became catoptrophobic) in "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" (1937)

(Read BartCop Entertainment and learn a useless new word each Tuesday)

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BILL O'REILLY CRITICIZES OBAMA FOR APPEARING IN 'BLACKFACE' ON SNL


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Recommended Reading

from Bruce

Paul Krugman: Giuliani Quotes False Stats to Deny America's Health Care Crisis (The New York Times)
Rudy Giuliani has a habit of saying things that are demonstrably untrue. And the American people have a right to know that.


Jim Holt: It's the Oil (www.lrb.co.uk)
Iraq is 'unwinnable', a 'quagmire', a 'fiasco': so goes the received opinion. But there is good reason to think that, from the Bush-Cheney perspective, it is none of these things. Indeed, the US may be 'stuck' precisely where Bush et al want it to be, which is why there is no 'exit strategy'.


Jim Hightower: A VERY PERSONAL PROTEST (jimhightower.com)
Over the years, I've come across some very clever protest actions, but here's one that just beats the pants off all the others. It's an international women's protest against the brutal military dictatorship in Burma, and it's called "Panties for Peace." I kid you not. But while it's playful, it definitely is not to be laughed at.


Colleen Kimmett: So You Think You Can Raise a Brand-Free Kid? (The Tyee. Posted on alternet.org)
From day one, you've got to fight Disney and the Winnie the Pooh.


Neal Justin: Carol Burnett was so glad we had this time together (popmatters.com)
Carol Burnett can sing, dance, act, mug, pratfall and clown around. If she attempted to showcase all those skills today on TV, she'd most certainly flop.


Slaves for you? (guardian.co.uk)
Huge hits, massive celebrity, failed rehab, disastrous love affairs and a penchant for catsuits and Las Vegas. The Princess of Pop's life echoes that of the King. But are we hounding Britney Spears to a similar fate, asks Laura Barton.


Q&A with Groundspark's Debra Chasnoff (curvemag.com)
GroundSpark has just released yet another in its ever growing cache of documentary films. It's STILL Elementary addresses issues of tolerance and education about gays and lesbians in schools. It is a follow-up of the film It's Elementary: Talking Bout Gay Issues in Schools, released in 1996.


Quiz to Help You Find Your Best Presidential Candidate


The Wittenburg Door


David Bruce's Free Downloads: "Love and Friendship: Stories About Growing Up"


David Bruce's Free Downloads: "The Most Interesting People in Politics and History: 250 Anecdotes"


David Bruce's Free Downloads: "Bride of the Funniest People in Religion and Families: 500 Anecdotes"


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Subscribe to BartCop!

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Reader Suggestion

Barack Obama's 'SNL' Appearance

Marty

Obama Mocks Clinton in Cameo on "SNL" can be seen here.

Barack Obama's 'SNL' Appearance



MAM



Thanks, Marianne!

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I THINK THE BEST WAY

TO FINALLY PROVE IT'S TORTURE

"WATERBOARD" GEORGE BUSH

zEN mAN
(wondering how long it would take the little Texas chicken hawk to squeal like a pig in the panhandle and say "Uncle".....but in George Bush's case, I wouldn't call it torture...I'd call it good clean fun)

zEN mAN archives


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Today's Trivia Question

What mythological monster was said to be produced when a chicken egg was hatched under a toad or a serpent?

   A:   Hydra
   B:   Chimera
   C:   Basilisk
   D:   Thorax


Send your answer to Marty




Yesterday's Trivia Question

The world's first postage stamp was introduced in what year?

   A:   1690
   B:   1760
  C:   1840
   D:   1910   Source




Sandra in Bangor ("Only in the last moment in history has the delusion arisen that people can flourish apart from the rest of the living world"  E. O. Wilson  (channeling Rachel Carson)) was first, and correct, with:
  1760 was too early for ben franklin, so i'll go with C. 1840.



Will R was second:
  If you mean the first adhesive stamp, it was the UK's Penny Black stamp issued in 1840.



Third was Buzzcook, who wrote:
  1840, before then all mail was COD. People would write all the information on the envelope so people could read the letter and then say they didn't want to pay for it. So few people were actually paying for their mail that the price of a letter was astronomical. Enter the penny stamp and pre-paid mail and the price of the mail plummets. But because everyone was paying the income from the postal service goes up higher than it was before. Bureaucracy that works.



Alan J responded succinctly:
  1840



That MadCat, JD answered:
  I'M GONNA GUESS AGAIN. 1840! I'M AN EX PHILATELIST SO I SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT.



And, Sally P wrote:
  The world's first PREPAID postage stamp was introduced in (C) 1840, in Britain. Prior to that, postage on a letter was usually paid by the person who received it, not by the person who posted it.
  Ummm, the latter would sure cut down on junk mail, huh?





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HILLARY'S PROFILES IN PORRIDGE


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Reader Comment

cat-songs

I Just Love the Arts!!!



In order to treat patients who had lost the ability to focus their attention, German physician Johann Christian Reil (1759-1813) proposed a "Katzenklavier" whose keys would drive nails into the tails of cats, who would yowl on key. This, he reasoned, would capture anyone's attention.

The American postmodernist composer Charlie Dees actually published two concerti for Katzenklavier in 2004. Thankfully, they remain unperformed.

Vic
not quite in Alaska



Thanks, Vic!
That kinda reminds me of an old pal, Joey.
Long time ago, when 'The Gong Show' was hot, and Johnny Carson did a live show on New Year's Eve, Joey was tapped to perform his 'Professor Flame-O' routine.
Dressed as a foppish professor, he stood in the midst of several dozen lit candles, all of a different height. He would hold a hand over a candle's flame and scream notes to form a pitch-perfect song.

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Selected Readings

from that Mad Cat, JD

FUCK YOU MR. PRESIDENT! RESTORE DEMOCRACY TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! RESIGN!

SURGE THIS MR. FUCKING PRESIDENT

WHO WOULD JESUS WATER BOARD MR. PRESIDENT?

WHILE OUR CHILDREN DON'T GET HEALTH CARE! FUCK YOU MR. PRESIDENT!

YOU'RE A BRAIN DEAD PIECE OF SHIT MR. PRESIDENT!

YOU'RE A LOW LIFE GREEDY VOMITORIUM JANITOR MR. PRESIDENT

YOU REALLY ARE A HEARTLESS ASSHOLE MR. PRESIDENT!

SAME REPUG SHIT, DIFFERENT ELECTION. HOW'S KENNY BOY MR. PRESIDENT? OH YEAH, HE DIED. HOW CONVENIENT!



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Ark Of Darkness

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Lots of marine influence kept it overcast til mid-day.



Tonight, Tuesday:

CBS opens the night with a FRESH 'NCIS', followed by a FRESH 'The Unit', then a FRESH 'Cane'.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Dave (from 9/12/07) are Viggo Mortensen, Kat Von D, and Daughtry.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Craig are Juliette Lewis, David Boreanaz, and Juliette & the Licks.

NBC begins the night with a FRESH 'Singing Bee', followed by a FRESH 'Biggest Loser', then a FRESH 'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Leno (from 10/10/07) are Dana Carvey, Malin Akerman, and Plain White T's.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Conan (from 7/16/07) are Christopher Walken, Tim Meadows, and Nick Lowe.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Carson Daly is TBA.

ABC starts the night with a FRESH 'Cavemen', followed by a FRESH 'Carpoolers', then a FRESH 'Dancing With The Stars', followed by a FRESH 'Boston Legal'.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Jimmy Kimmel is TBA..

The CW offers a FRESH 'Beauty & The Geek', followed by a FRESH 'Reaper'.

Faux has a FRESH 'Bones', followed by a FRESH 'House'.

MY has a FRESH 'The Academy', followed by a recycled 'Jail', and another recycled 'Jail'.

A&E has 'CSI: The 2nd One', another 'CSI: The 2nd One', 'Criss Angel', and another 'Criss Angel'.

AMC offers the movie 'Jurassic Park', followed by the movie 'Die Hard With A Vengeance', then the mvoie 'Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome'.

BBC  -   
 [12:00 PM]    Cash in the Attic - Episode 5;
 [1:00 PM]    Cash in the Attic - Episode 4;
 [2:00 PM]    Bargain Hunt - Ep. 36 Oakington 58;
 [2:30 PM]    Bargain Hunt - Ep. 1 Newark;
 [3:00 PM]    How Clean Is Your House? - Episode 16;
 [3:30 PM]    How Clean Is Your House? - Episode 17;
 [4:00 PM]    You Are What You Eat - Episode 5;
 [4:30 PM]    You Are What You Eat - Episode 6;
 [5:00 PM]    Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares - Ep 1 Lanterna;
 [6:00 PM]    My Family - Ep 2 You Don't Know Jack;
 [6:30 PM]    My Family - Ep 3 What's Up Docklands?;
 [7:00 PM]    BBC World News America;
 [8:00 PM]    Torchwood - Ep 9 Random Shoes;
 [9:00 PM]    Doctor Who - Ep 9 The Satan Pit;
 [10:00 PM]    BBC World News America;
 [11:00 PM]    Torchwood - Ep 9 Random Shoes;
 [12:00 AM]    Doctor Who - Ep 9 The Satan Pit;
 [1:00 AM]    Absolutely Fabulous - Ep. 4 Jealous;
 [1:40 AM]    The World Stands Up - Episode 7;
 [2:00 AM]    The Weakest Link - Episode 17;
 [3:00 AM]    Hollyoaks - Episode 47;
 [3:30 AM]    Changing Rooms - Ep. 8 Ripley Castle;
 [4:00 AM]    Bargain Hunt - Ep. 34 Wetherby 53;
 [4:30 AM]    Bargain Hunt - Ep. 35 Harrogate 42;
 [5:00 AM]    Cash in the Attic - Ep. 25 Sheehan;
 [5:30 AM]    Cash in the Attic - Ep. 26 Rabbitts;
 [6:00 AM]    BBC World News.    (ALL TIMES EDT)

Bravo has all 'Real Housewives' all night.

Comedy Central has 'Scrubs', another 'Scrubs', an old 'Jon Stewart', an old 'Colbert Report', 'Chappelle's Show', 'South Park', and 'Ralphie May: Prime Cut'.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Jon Stewart (from 10/29/07) is Michael Gerson.
On a STRIKE-related RERUN Colbert Report (from 10/29/07) is Richard Berman.

FX has the movie 'Hellboy', followed by the movie 'The Italian Job', and a FRESH 'Nip/Tuck'.

History has 'Modern Marvels', another 'Modern Marvels', 'Mega Disasters', and 'The Universe'.

IFC  -   
 [07:20 AM]    Media Lab Results;
 [07:30 AM]    Yo Soy Boricua, Pa'que Tu Lo Sepas!;
 [09:05 AM]    The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years;
 [10:45 AM]    Garage Days;
 [12:35 PM]    Yo Soy Boricua, Pa'que Tu Lo Sepas!;
 [02:10 PM]    The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years;
 [03:45 PM]    Garage Days;
 [05:40 PM]    Yo Soy Boricua, Pa'que Tu Lo Sepas!;
 [07:15 PM]    The Barbarian Invasions;
 [09:00 PM]    Dogville;
 [12:00 AM]    Russian Dolls;
 [02:15 AM]    The Princess and the Warrior;
 [04:35 AM]    Indie Sex: Censored;
 [05:45 AM]    The Barbarian Invasions.    (ALL TIMES EST)

SciFi has 'Eureka', another 'Eureka', still another 'Eureka', and 'ECW'.

Sundance  -   
 [05:05 AM]    Gelato: an endless passion;
 [06:00 AM]    Travellers & Magicians;
 [07:45 AM]    Get the Picture;
 [08:15 AM]    Loggerheads;
 [10:00 AM]    Grey Gardens;
 [11:45 AM]    Tout Va Bien;
 [01:30 PM]    Eve & the Fire Horse;
 [03:05 PM]    Girls Town;
 [04:45 PM]    Following;
 [06:00 PM]    Jamiroquai, Damien Rice & The Goo-Goo Dolls;
 [07:00 PM]    Independent America - The Two Lane Search for Mom & Pop;
 [08:00 PM]    Episode 3;
 [08:30 PM]    Wear;
 [09:00 PM]    Kids;
 [09:35 PM]    Radiant City;
 [11:10 PM]    Kids;
 [11:45 PM]    Household Saints;
 [01:50 AM]    Room;
 [03:00 AM]    Episode 4;
 [04:00 AM]    The Ground Truth;
 [05:30 AM]    Eve & the Fire Horse.    (ALL TIMES EST)

TCM starts the day with Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn), Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum) and the 8 movies compiled from episodes of The Man from U.N.C.L.E..
 [6:00 AM]      To Trap a Spy (1964);
 [7:45 AM]      One Of Our Spies Is Missing (1966);
 [9:30 AM]      One Spy Too Many (1966);
 [11:15 AM]      The Spy With My Face (1966);
 [12:45 PM]      The Karate Killers (1967);
 [2:30 PM]      The Spy in the Green Hat (1966);
 [4:15 PM]      The Helicopter Spies (1968);
 [6:00 PM]      How To Steal The World (1968);

 [8:00 PM]      The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming (1966);
 [10:15 PM]      On Golden Pond (1981) ;
 [12:15 AM]      Captains Courageous (1937);
 [2:15 AM]      Arsenic And Old Lace (1944);
 [4:30 AM]      Cary Grant: A Class Apart (2004).    (ALL TIMES EST)


Wednesday  -  11/07/07

TCM:
 [6:00 AM]      West Of Zanzibar (1928)    SILENT ;
 [7:15 AM]      Crime Doctor (1943);
 [8:30 AM]      The Crime Doctor's Strangest Case (1943);
 [9:45 AM]      The Crime Doctor's Courage (1945);
 [11:00 AM]      The Crime Doctor's Warning (1945);
 [12:15 PM]      Crime Doctor's Manhunt (1946);
 [1:30 PM]      Just Before Dawn (1946);
 [2:45 PM]      The Millerson Case (1947);
 [4:15 PM]      I Love a Mystery (1945);
 [5:30 PM]      The Devil's Mask (1946);
 [6:45 PM]      The Unknown (1946);
 [8:00 PM]      Ace In the Hole (1951);
 [10:00 PM]      This Sporting Life (1963);
 [12:30 AM]      Manhattan (1979);
 [2:15 AM]      The 400 Blows (1959)    [AKA: 'Les Quatre cents coups'];
 [4:00 AM]      Blackboard Jungle (1955).    (ALL TIMES EST)



Any opinions?

Or reviews?







(See below for addresses)

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Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus, of the Warner Bros. Television series 'The New Adventures of the Old Christine', and a member of the Screen Actors Guild carries a picket sign at Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, California November 5, 2007 as she joins members of the Writers Guild America who are on strike against Hollywood film and television producers.
Photo by Fred Prouser
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Click Here!

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Send In The Reruns

Writers Strike

The first strike by Hollywood writers in nearly 20 years got under way Monday with noisy pickets on both coasts - a walkout that will disrupt everything from late-night talk shows to soap operas.

Jay Leno made a midmorning stop at NBC studios in Burbank and visited with strikers after the network said his late-night show would immediately go into reruns, .

KTLA-TV reported that fans of the "Ellen" talk show were told at the NBC lot that there would be no taping on Monday.

Comedy Central previously said "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "The Colbert Report" would likely go into repeats as well.

Writers Strike

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Sally Field, left, Robert Redford, and Glenn Close, right, arrive to 'A Sundance Family Celebration', the 26th annual celebration held by the Sundance Institute, New York, Monday, Nov., 5, 2007.
Photo by Stuart Ramson
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Drops Presidential Bid

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert has dropped his bid for the White House.

His announcement came after the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council voted last week to keep the host of "The Colbert Report" off the state's primary ballot. The vote was 13-3.

"Although I lost by the slimmest margin in presidential election history - only 10 votes - I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle," Colbert said Monday in a statement. "It is time for this nation to heal."

Colbert had said he would run only in his native South Carolina, a key primary state. He said he planned to run as a Democrat and a Republican - so he could lose twice. Colbert, 43, later declined to file with the GOP, which has a much higher filing fee ($35,000) than the Democrats ($2,500).

Stephen Colbert

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Play In Charity Game

Beckham & LaPaglia

David Beckham and Anthony LaPaglia were opponents in a soccer exhibition that raised more than $90,000 for the victims of last month's wildfires in Southern California.

Beckham scored two goals and had three assists in 83 minutes in a 10-4 rout of LaPaglia's "Hollywood United" by the Los Angeles Galaxy on Sunday.

Among those playing for "Hollywood United" were LaPaglia, Def Leppard guitarist Viv Campbell, Galaxy General Manager Alexi Lalas, and former players Jorge Campos, Frank LeBoeuf and Eric Wynalda. LaPaglia, who stars on CBS' "Without a Trace," started in goal.

Beckham scored twice on LaPaglia in the first half but in the second half, LaPaglia leaped to block Beckham's 26-yard free kick and dived to his right to deflect Beckham's 29-yard shot with his right hand.

Beckham & LaPaglia

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bartcook

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

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Latkes Win Recipe Contest

White Castle

A Missouri woman crossed a traditional Hanukkah dish with White Castle hamburgers to win the annual recipe contest held by the Columbus-based chain.

Leslye Louis of New Melle named her creation "The Latkes You Crave," after White Castle's slogan "What you crave." She made the Jewish pancakes with the usual ingredients, including grated potatoes and eggs, and also incorporated 10 chopped-up White Castle "slyders" - minus the pickles.

As part of her prize, Louis will receive a case of 30 of the burgers each week for a year.

Judges awarded second place to Philana Ford of Chicago for a Chinese dim sum appetizer recipe using White Castles. Betty McNees of Cincinnati won third for something called "Cook-Out Crave."

White Castle

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Tom Stoppard arrives at the opening night on Broadway for his new play 'Rock 'n' Roll' in New York, Sunday, Nov. 4, 2007.
Photo by Andy Kropa
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Baby News

Nancy Grace

Nancy Grace is now the mother of twins, after doctors induced labor two months before her due date.

Grace, host of legal affairs talk show "Nancy Grace" on CNN Headline News, gave birth to a boy, John David, and a girl, Lucy Elizabeth, on Sunday, said CNN spokeswoman Janine Iamunno.

John David weighed 5 pounds, 1 ounce, and Lucy Elizabeth weighed 2 pounds, 15 ounces at birth.

Grace, 48, had developed pulmonary edema - fluid in the lungs - and doctors told her it would be better for her health, and that of the children, if labor was induced, CNN said.

Nancy Grace

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I'm Pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')

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Good Ole Boys Club

Country Music Association Awards

If the Country Music Association was going to set up a special dressing room for its entertainer of the year nominees, it would do well to put in a couple of leather couches, a box of cigars, ESPN on the tube and a sign on the door proclaiming, "Men Only."

All five nominees - seven if you count Rascal Flatts as three instead of one - are men. It was the same last year - and the year before that, and the year before that. One has to go all the way back to 2001, when the Dixie Chicks were nominated, to find a woman on the list.

By at least one measure, country fans aren't pleased. A national survey conducted recently by Country Music Television found that 74 percent of respondents thought women should have been included in this year's entertainer category, with Carrie Underwood and Faith Hill the two favorites.

The absence of women may be more glaring this year because another key category, album of the year, also is without a single female artist.

Country Music Association Awards

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U.S. resident George W. Bush (R) before awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to American novelist Harper Lee (L) in the East Room of the White House, November 5, 2007.
Photo by Larry Downing
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Takes Big Step

HeadCount

HeadCount--a nonpartisan voter registration group that works with Dave Matthews, the Allman Brothers Band, and members of Phish and the Grateful Dead--announced that it has hired a former Time Warner vice president as its executive director.

Virginia McEnerney, who served as Time Warner Inc's Vice President of Corporate Relations, joined the organization to spearhead an effort to add 200,000 new names to voter rolls nationwide. HeadCount has already registered close to 60,000 voters since its launch in 2004, and has been lauded by other non-profits for its ability to keep costs down while getting top artists directly involved.

The organization was founded by Marc Brownstein, bass player for the electronic rock band the Disco Biscuits, and Andy Bernstein, a sports executive who had once authored a book about Phish. They rallied a variety of artists during the heated build-up to the 2004 election, and led a nationwide network of volunteers who registered voters at concerts.

HeadCount will be the only group registering voters at concerts next year on a large scale. The better-known Rock The Vote has been reorganized and will focus primarily on media-based initiatives and online voter tools. Another organization that was prominent in 2004, the left-leaning Music For America, lost most of its funding and will not return on a national basis.

HeadCount

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Ethan Coen, Tommy Lee Jones, and Joel Coen (L-R) talk on the red carpet as they arrive at the premiere of "No Country For Old Men" in Hollywood November 4, 2007.
Max Morse
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Renewed, Again

'Weeds'

Showtime is still high on "Weeds."

The premium cable network has renewed the comedy series for a fourth season, ordering 13 new episodes. The half-hour series, starring Mary-Louise Parker as a pot-dealing widowed mother in the suburbs, is targeted to go into production in April for a summer debut.

"Weeds" ranks as Showtime's most-watched original comedy series, with Season 3 currently outperforming the previous season by 19%, according to Nielsen Media Research. Season 3 also is Showtime's most-watched original series among adults 18-34, a demographic coveted by advertisers.

'Weeds'

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Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page attends the Third Annual Classic Rock Roll of Honor at The Landmark Hotel, London. Monday Nov 5, 2007.
Photo by Nathan Strange
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Judge Orders Halt To Extradition

Duane "Dog" Chapman

Television bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman, who had his reality show taken off the air after getting caught using a racial slur, will not be extradited to Mexico to face a pending appeal on kidnapping charges against him, a judge ruled Monday.

The U.S. government was trying to send Chapman, his son Leland Chapman and a third man to the resort town of Puerto Vallarta, where they were charged with kidnapping Andrew Luster, a Max Factor heir who had jumped a $1 million bond on charges that he drugged and raped three women. Luster's disappearance during his trial in Ventura set off an international manhunt by police, FBI and bounty hunters trying to recoup some of the bond money.

But because bounty hunting is illegal in Mexico, prosecutors in that country charged the three with kidnapping and asked U.S. authorities to arrest the trio and ship them to Puerto Vallarta.

On July 27, a Mexican judge dismissed the charges, ruling that Mexican prosecutors had taken too long in their attempts to bring the trio to trial. But the U.S. attorney's office in Honolulu, where the senior Chapman lives, declined to dismiss the extradition proceedings because Mexican prosecutors are appealing the judge's ruling.

Duane "Dog" Chapman

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Actor Javier Bardem poses on the press line at the premiere of the Miramax Films feature film 'No Country For Old Men' in Los Angeles on Sunday, Nov. 4, 2007.
Photo by Dan Steinberg
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Crater of Diamonds State Park

Chad Johnson

Chad Johnson has found about 80 diamonds at Crater of Diamonds State Park since moving to Murfreesboro in February, but the former Iowa resident on Monday nearly threw away his largest find yet. A cube-shaped rock plucked out of his sifters turned out to be a 4.38-carat, tea-colored diamond.

Johnson made the dig Saturday at the park, and left his equipment in a locker. When he came back Monday morning, he made the discovery.

Since moving to Arkansas, Johnson said he had gotten by selling the diamonds he found at the park. He only recently took a job at a local convenience store partly because he "got tired of selling diamonds to make ends meet."

Park officials declined to speculate how much money Johnson could raise from selling the diamond. Johnson suggested he expects much more than what he is used to getting.

Chad Johnson

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In Memory

Lillian Ellison

Lillian Ellison, professional wrestling's Fabulous Moolah, died Friday. She was 84.

Born Mary Lillian Ellison in 1923, she was dubbed the Fabulous Moolah after saying she wrestled "for the money ... for the moolah."

She was a longtime champion and the first woman inducted into the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Fame. Her autobiography, "The Fabulous Moolah: First Goddess of the Squared Circle," was published in 2003.

Ellison grew up in the small Kershaw County community of Tookiedoo, the youngest of 13 children and the only girl.

Her daughter, Mary Austin, 66, said her mother had six grandchildren and six great-grandchildren, loved her family and wrestling.

Her obituary from the funeral home lists 63-year-old Katie Glass of Columbia as Ellison's adopted daughter. Glass, known as "Diamond Lil," was a professional midget wrestler for 25 years. She said she was just 17 when she moved to Columbia to live with Ellison and learn to wrestle.

Lillian Ellison

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The Hollywood sign is seen on a hazy afternoon in Los Angeles, November 4, 2007.
Photo by Danny Moloshok
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