Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 20 August, 2002
Tuesday
20 August, 2002
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #16
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
"Not Affiliated in Any Way!"
ISSUE #16
is brought to you by
BELIEVE IT OR ELSE
There are no new answers, merely different ways of asking the same questions. If the question is "Are Republicans Nazis?", you're in for an argument because every Republican in the United States will say "no." Other than actual Nazis, nobody likes being compared to Nazis because when we hear the word Nazi, we think of their worst attribute, their compulsion to take over the world and rid it of people they don't like.
So you've got to approach the question from a different angle. If the question is "Other than the actual Nazi Party (whom we all know are just a lunatic fringe group), what organization in the United States most resembles the Nazi Party?", I don't know how you can come up with any other answer than the Republican Party (with Disney
a close second).
The Nazis encouraged citizens to spy on one another. So do the Republicans. (Whether Disney encourages employees to spy on another is debatable) The Nazis rallied the public to their side by demonizing a racial segment of the population. So do the Republicans. The Nazis funneled all money into the war effort. So do the Republicans. The Nazis had "camps" to "house" people during "emergencies." So do the Republicans. Did the Nazis give themselves tax breaks? I bet they did. There are differences to be sure. The Nazis had a much greater fashion sense.
And if the Republicans are the new Nazis, guess who's the new Hitler? And I don't mean that in a bad way. The current leadership of the Republican party embraces all of Hitler's best attributes. They've embraced his tactics so thoroughly that basically, the only real difference is that Hitler was evil. Just how big that difference actually is, I'll leave up to you.
Historical Debunk of the Week
"If Lewis and Clark had died on the trail, it wouldn't have mattered a bit," says Notre Dame University historian Thomas Slaughter. Like the moon landing, the Lewis and Clark expedition was inspiring, poetic, metaphorical, and ultimately
insignificant. Their route was way too far north to be practical. No one could follow it. Other explorers located better, southerly shortcuts across the Continental Divide, and that's where Western settlers went. Lewis and Clark aficionados delight today in the unspoiled scenery along the trail. The reason the trail remains scenic and unspoiled is that it was so useless.
Game of the Week
No, Really, I Didn't Make This Up
Free Advice for Criminals
Time Waster of the Week
Special Message to Yassar Arafat
"The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them self respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage that they did not think they had. Finally, it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality."
- Martin Luther King Jr. -
This Would Have Never Happened Under Mussolini
At petitionsonline, you can create an online petition about absolutely anything and send it to absolutely anybody.
Here's a good one.
Wanted
Punchline for this joke.
OBL Watch
Number of days since 9/11 that Osama bin Laden has not been found - 337.
THE TEN SECRETS OF INDEPENDENT FILM
By Chris Gore
1. Corporate independents rule. Deal with it. Every major studio has an independent film division, or what might be called a "low budget studio division." Basically, dramas in which the actors are paid scale. These corporate indies have co-opted the independent spirit and turned it into a section in the video store. You can look on this as a good or a
bad thing, but that's the way it is. So learn to live with it.
2. It's a business of relationships. Yes, it really is who you know. There are those who say that the film world is all "politics." So, get good at politics. Get to know the acquisitions executives at the major distributors who still buy movies like Patrick Gunn at Artisan or Mark Ordesky at Fine Line and the other 50 or so select people in this group and get them to your screening no matter what it takes.
3. Casting counts. Unfortunately. The first question any acquisitions executive, or moviegoer, for that matter, is going to ask is "Who's in it?" Which explains low budget, independent digital features starring Ethan Hawke (Tape), Sigourney Weaver (Tadpole) and Kevin Kline (The Anniversary Party). So, put together a cast that will get your film noticed. Actors are always on the lookout for good material, so get it to them any way you can. Director Rod Lurie played poker weekly with actor Kevin Pollack and ended up directing his independent feature debut by casting his card-playing pal. Cultivating relationships with recognizable talent is valuable, so pursue these assets by building a friendship first, and not by shoving a script in their face.
4. Be original. But don't be too original. As much as film executives say they want something original, they really don't. What they mean by "original" is simply "old wine in a new bottle." They want a familiar genre or story or tried and true formula told in a completely original way. For example a rock and roll musical (familiar) about a man with a botched sex change operation (very original) called Hedwig and the Angry Inch. That works.
5. Want to get into a film festival? Get to know the "Phantom Programmers." Sure, everyone knows that Geoffrey Gilmore is the chief gatekeeper at the Sundance Film Festival. And there is no chance he is going to return the call of an unknown emerging indie filmmaker. That's why it is critical to get to know the "Phantom Programmers." These are the trusted friends of festival programmers - people they rely on to offer advice about how to fill a programming slot. So, if you can't get to guys like Gilmore, get to the people close to him like John Sloss or Bob Hawk or Jeff Dowd or those nice folks at HBO that always seem to have about 10 films playing at Sundance. It's key to look for the people close to the main programmer and enlist their support for your film in order to get into the festival of your choice.
6. Get a good review from Roger Ebert. There are seven "Roger Eberts" that can be found in the phone book in the Los Angeles area alone and one of them is bound to love your movie. Seriously, there are more outlets covering film today than films released in a year. No joke. If you can't get a decent review in a recognizable media outlet, there are plenty of unknown media outlets on the web just salivating over the prospect of being quoted on your movie poster. Just ask the major movie studios who use this technique all the time.
7. Awards are meaningless. Unless, of course, you are the one receiving the award. Be sure to tout any kind of award you receive no matter how cheesy or meaningless it seems to you. That "award" graphic with those two leafs of feathers or wheat or whatever with the "Award Winner" in the center will make a perfect piece of marketing to use on the poster or video sleeve.
8. Don't be an orphan. There are thousands of "cine-orphans" out there - movies without distribution. It's important not to end up as one. After all of the large and small distributors have passed on your film, don't concern yourself with making back your money. At this point, it becomes about your career, so it's critical to get the film into the commercial marketplace even if you have to self-distribute it on DVD. And DVDs make great give-always at meetings about your next project!
9. Get a look. Yes, as irrelevant as it seems, fashion sense is important and a distinct look does count for something. If fame matters in moving up the indie film career ladder, then it's important
to be recognizable in a crowd, or at least in photos that appear in the trades. Picture the writer and director of such films as Spanking the Monkey and Three Kings. You can't. That's because writer/director David O. Russell is about as nondescript as they come. He's an average guy and there's no crime in that. Now picture the writer and director of such films as Welcome to the Dollhouse and Storytelling. Yes, Todd Solondz is that dork with the big glasses. His unique "look" will get him recognized at festivals, events and parties and will even get his geeky mug in the trendy sections of magazines. Fame does help.
10. The Truth. The reality is that the indie film world is a freelance business in which one rarely gets paid and almost no one gets paid well. Success is garnering good press or winning an award at a festival or receiving rave reviews or the simple pleasure of getting distribution and seeing your film open on the big screen. All of this perceived "success" still won't pay the bills, so it's important to take that tried and true parental advice and have a fall back plan to actually make money. Otherwise, you'll be racking up credit card debt and filing for bankruptcy before your first feature even hits the festival circuit. Sad, but true. Of course, once you reach that "perceived success status," your job is now to lie to everyone about how great life is in the business and continue to perpetuate the myths about the entertainment industry. No one likes reality.
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
August 19, 2002
1. Scientists completed a map of the mouse genome on the same day they discovered that England now has as many rats as people. Coincidence? I don't think so.
UNDO THE COUP
#1 AT SATAN'S CINEPLEX
My Big Fat Road to Perdition
CARTOON FROM HELL
Pending Cell Phone Legislation
By Chris Painter
New York has banned the use of hand-held cell phones while driving, except for use in emergencies. What are other states planning?
Idaho: Illegal, unless purpose of call is to secure some lovin' for later. Penalty: $50 if call not used to secure lovin', or lovin' not successfully
secured.
California: Permitted, although any other driver who becomes irritated with cell phone user may legally step out of their vehicle and bash their freakin' teeth in.
South Carolina: Rental cars with cell phone equipment must include programmed speed-dial function for minimum of five local escort services, upscale, not just some skanky thing. Penalty: Currently a warning; $200 if escort proves to be just some skanky thing.
Alaska: Illegal, unless situation involves eating frozen family member following grisly car wreck. Penalty: $100 if wreck not especially grisly, or family member not fully frozen.
Florida: Permitted as long as cell phone is not used to call Manuel. You promised you'd stop calling Manuel, so why do you still call him? What do you two have to talk about? Penalty: $500.
QUIZ FROM HELL
Who said "If you don't probe me, I won't probe you."
a) Ben Affleck
b) Matt Damon
c) Every Democrat and Republican in Congress.
HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL
One of the many posters that helped rid America of alcohol prohibition
SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
CANDY FROM HELL
Scriptures Candy – These sugar-free breath mints are shaped like tiny Christian fish symbols and are packaged in attractive tins that feature inspirational scripture verses printed on the inside of the lids. There are 78 different verses.
QUOTES FROM HELL
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity, and worship without sacrifice."
- Mahatma Ghandi -
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
- Buddha -
"If the law permits reprehensible behavior, people will engage in reprehensible behavior."
- William F. Buckley Jr. -
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing so enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God which is within us. It is not in just some of us, it is in all of us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.
- Nelson Mandella (1994 Inaugural Speech) -
"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lots of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."
- Robert F. Kennedy -
SITES FROM HELL
Mandatory reading: Was the U.S. Patriot Act written before 9/11? According to Doreen Miller in
High treason in the U.S. government, "U.S. government officials would have us believe that this 342-page, complexly nuanced document was allegedly crafted after September 11 in the time span of little over a month. To accomplish this feat would have required the in-depth study of fifteen other lengthy acts and statutes which it modifies and amends."
You gotta ask yourself what's going on when Bush deliberately alienates
firefighters.
"There is something almost comical about the prospect of George Bush waging war on another nation because that nation has defied international law. Since Bush came to office, the United States government has torn up more international treaties and disregarded more UN conventions than the rest of the world has in 20 years." What if the United States were the enemy? Read
The Logic of Empire.
Check out the headquarters of the new resistance,
VOXNYC - Piercing the Thin Veil of Lies.
Just another site that say's it has the answer to the
UFO question.
Another fabulous list of
political links debunking the media.
I'm sure it's got NOTHING to do with that big new Hollywood film about them, but there are a bunch of new
crop circles that are pretty far out.
Why was everybody celebrating the 25th anniversary of the death of Elvis when he's obviously
still alive.
Wanna fuck 'em up? Go
here and give bad answers to a survey from the Republican National Committee.
Acknowledgement
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown
in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it.
Thanks,
Satan
If you can work your way through Einstein's brain,
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are
here.
All of Helen's columns are
here.
Dr. Hollywood archives are
here
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form,
unless you want to buy me some hookers and beer
http://home.earthlink.net/~dare2b
Many thanks to Michael Dare!
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'TBH Politoons'
Thanks (again), Tim!
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He's Been Busy, Again!
the worried shrimp
New! 'Lawn Bigots'
and
New! 'Recovery My Ass!'
Check out The Series
And, there's also tws' toon reviews
Thanks, Marc!
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Reader Contribution
from Theatetus
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Reader Reminder
from Ray
Just a friendly reminder -- Tuesday, August 20 is H.
P. Lovecraft's (1890-1937) birthday. Lots of good stuff about him can be
found at The H.P. Lovecraft Archive
Also the folks at www.somethingawful.com
created this beautiful commemorative dinner plate design in honor of Lovecraft's "ever-popular
Cthulhu".
I think at sundown we'll light a couple of tiki torches (or burn
down the neighbors' house) in memory of dear departed Howard Phillips
Lovecraft.
~~ Ray
Thanks, Ray!
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Again, the sun didn't break through til late in the day, and I was grateful.
Momma cat is back to her old ornery self.
Today's mess included a hot water heater that sprang a leak.
Turned out to be the kind of day where I was glad to have BartFest in Vegas to be looking forward to (pardon the dangling participle).
Tonight, Tuesday, CBS has their usual 'Trifecta' of reruns - 'JAG', 'The Guardian', and 'Judging Amy'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave are Robin Williams and James Taylor.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers is Buddy Hackett.
NBC has 2 fresh episodes of 'The Rerun Show', then reruns of 'Frasier' and 'Just Shoot Me', and wraps the night with 'Dateline'.
On a rerun Jay, the scheduled guests are Dana Carvey, Bow Wow, and Dropline.
On a rerun Conan, the scheduled guests are Larry King, DJ Qualls, and They Might Be Giants.
On a rerun Carson Daly (from 4/30/02), the scheduled guests are Erika Christensen and Ludacris.
ABC has 2 reruns of 'Jim', then a fresh 'Monk', and the fresh part 3 (of 4) of 'Widows'.
The WB has reruns of 'Gilmore Girls' and 'Smallville'.
Faux has reruns of 'That 70's Show' and 'Grounded For Life', then a fresh 'American Idol: The Search For A Superstar'.
UPN has a rerun of 'Buffy', and then a rerun of 'Backstreet Boys: Larger Than Life'.
TCM has A Face in the Crowd (1957), which is a great movie. It is followed by
Paddy Chayefsky's black comedy
The Hospital (1971). The night is rounded out with
To Be or Not to Be (1942), directed by
Ernst Lubitsch (and a prime example of 'the Lubitsch touch'),
starring Jack Benny. If you saw the Mel Brooks remake, you really should
see the original.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Big Dog Watch Continues
Bill Clinton
Yesterday was the Big Dog's birthday. Here's a link from this past June, where he was a guest at
Bono's birthday celebration in Dublin.
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Fan With An Opinion
Anaheim Angels
Ajay Sampat holds up a sign protesting a possible baseball strike during the Anaheim Angels' game against the Cleveland Indians, Sunday night, Aug. 18, 2002, in Anaheim, Calif.
Photo by Mark J. Terrill
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Replacing Paul McCartney
Paul Simon
Song writer Paul Simon will replace Paul McCartney at this year's 25th annual Kennedy Center honors, traditionally attended by the president and first lady.
McCartney's withdrawal because of an unexplained personal obligation was announced last week. The Kennedy Center said McCartney would be on the 2003 list, and Simon would also have been honored in the future.
Simon will join James Earl Jones, conductor James Levine and actresses Chita Rivera and Elizabeth Taylor for the White House reception and gala performance scheduled for the weekend of Dec. 7.
Paul Simon
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Internet Archive: Movie Collection
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Billboard Benefit
Timothy White
John Mellencamp, Sheryl Crow and James Taylor are among the performers expected at two concerts that will benefit the family of Timothy White, the Billboard editor in chief who recently died of a heart attack.
White was just 50 when he was stricken in his Manhattan offices on June 27. He left behind a wife and 10-year-old twin boys.
One concert is set for Oct. 7 at Boston's Fleet Center, with the other the next day at Madison Square Garden. Mellencamp, Crow, Don Henley and Sting will perform at both concerts. Billy Joel and Taylor
will be at the Boston shows, while Brian Wilson and Jimmy Buffett will be at the New York shows.
Besides being the editor of Billboard, White wrote acclaimed biographies on Taylor and Bob Marley, and hosted and co-produced an award-winning nationally syndicated radio show. He started his career
at The Associated Press, and later became a managing editor of Crawdaddy magazine and senior editor at Rolling Stone magazine.
Billboard Benefit
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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At The Smithsonian's National Museum of American History
Julia Child
With a frail "bon appetit!" TV chef Julia Child untied a pair of apron strings on Monday to open an exhibit featuring her home kitchen, freshly uncrated at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History.
"It looks exactly right -- it makes me homesick to look at it," Child said before doing the honors. "I wish I could come in and turn everything on."
Four days after her 90th birthday and not long after back surgery, Child gamely stood to give her trademark salutation at the gateway to the kitchen exhibit, which is called "Bon Appetit!" in her honor. A wheeled walker remained out of sight until it was time for questions.
The exhibit centers on a 20 foot by 14 foot (6 meter by 4 meter) space made to the exact dimensions of Child's former kitchen in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where three of her many television series were taped.
The layout is as close as Smithsonian curators could make it to Child's kitchen, with only the walls and floor fabricated by the museum. Even the most prosaic objects -- refrigerator magnets and
a dish drainer -- got serious consideration.
Child's kitchen will be on display at the Smithsonian through February 2004.
For a lot more, Julia Child
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Ars Démonium Galéria
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Suing Over Birthday Photo
Robert De Niro
Robert De Niro filed notice of a $1 million lawsuit Monday over a photograph of him and fellow actor Sean Penn blowing out their birthday candles at a private party last year.
De Niro and Penn share the same birthday — Aug. 17. De Niro was celebrating his 58th birthday and Penn his 41st at a rooftop party at De Niro's loft in the lower Manhattan neighborhood of TriBeCa.
A photograph of the two actors was offered for sale by photo agency Celebrity Vibe, and appeared in at least one newspaper and one national magazine, said De Niro's lawyer, Tom Harvey, who filed
initial paperwork in the case in Manhattan Supreme Court.
"Our contention, as we hope to prove in the lawsuit, is that someone snuck into a private residence and took unauthorized pictures for profit," Harvey said.
Robert De Niro
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BartCop TV!
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Corrals Young Rockers for Album
Marianne Faithfull
Her famous friends still consider her a silly little girl, her fans cannot believe she's still alive and journalists only want to ask about her boyfriend of three decades ago, a certain Mick Jagger.
It's not easy being Marianne Faithfull, once the sexiest starlet in Swinging London and now a 55-year-old grandmother who has truly earned her wings as a rock 'n' roll survivor after overcoming scandal, drugs, a suicide attempt and a breakdown on live TV.
In the 1960s, the former convent schoolgirl became a major pop star, beginning with her 1964 cover of the Rolling Stones' "As Tears Go By." She became best known as Jagger's girlfriend, and the beautiful couple was the toast of the town.
Faithfull spent the ensuing two decades in a drug haze, often sleeping on the streets, but she still managed to release some fine albums, notably 1979's "Broken English." Now she is hip enough to sing with Metallica and appear in a commercial for the
Gap. She swears and smokes and has a tattoo.
And when she rings, you pick up the phone, which is what some edgy young musicians did last year. In the strictest secrecy, Faithfull recorded (separately) with Beck, former Smashing Pumpkin Billy Corgan, English rock bands Blur and Pulp,
as well as her old friend Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics.
The resulting album, titled "Kissin Time" (Virgin) is her first release in three years. Faithfull calls it her "happy record" and she seems to mean it.
For the rest, Marianne Faithfull
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Sword Swallowing To The Hilt
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Glass Art Piece Smashed
Dale Chihuly
Someone shattered a $70,000 glass flower sculpture by artist Dale Chihuly that was on display at the Garfield Park Conservatory, officials said.
The colorful figurine, part of the "Chihuly in the Park" exhibit, was irreversibly damaged Friday night while the conservatory was closed for a private party, Chicago Park District spokeswoman Angelynne Amores said.
Police said their investigation would include tracking down guests at the party, held to honor a couple on their wedding anniversary. The cost of the damage will be recouped because the party hosts had to carry $2 million worth of insurance.
Police said they didn't know how or why the visitor damaged the sculpture, which looks like a glass vase with a flower and a plant inside.
But police said that given its location — in the middle of an ankle-deep pond surrounded by a waterfall — whoever broke it had to go to some trouble to get to it.
Among Chihuly's best-known works are the floral chandelier in the Bellagio hotel-casino in Las Vegas, a 55-foot glass tower at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art, and the newly opened Chihuly Bridge of Glass, a 500-foot pedestrian
bridge in Chihuly's native Tacoma, Wash.
Dale Chihuly
Garfield Conservatory
Chihuly
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Badaling Safari Animal World
Beijing, China
A female dog sits with a three-month old lion cub at Badaling Safari Animal World on the outskirts of Beijing, China on August 15, 2002. The young lion's biological mother did not have enough milk
to feed all of her cubs so Animal World officials put the two animals together.
Photo by Guang Niu
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'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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Welcome !
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.
The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better,
amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
This is your place.
(In other words, submissions are welcome.)
Send mail to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )
You can even send it to this Marty
( Marty@suprmchaos.com )
Thank you
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