Write a best selling book called
"Marked Down," thereby guaranteeing endless variations of the following
conversation will take place in bookstores across the
country...
Customer: Is this book Marked Down?
Salesman: Yes it is.
Customer: How much is it?
Salesman: Twenty dollars.
Customer: That's what it says on the cover.
Salesman: That's what it costs.
Customer: I thought you said it was marked down?
Salesman: It is Marked Down.
Customer: No it's not.
Salesman: Yes it is.
Customer: No it's not. You're charging full price.
Salesman: This isn't a used book store. We charge full price.
Customer: Even if it's marked down?
etc.
Yes, that's "Marked Down," by Michael Dare. Specifically designed to
be read. If this book doesn't make you laugh, you probably shouldn't have bought
it.
Then again, my next novel will be called "My Next Novel," though it's neck
and neck in the title derby with "The Arbitrareum," "The Fallback
Position," "Mango Overboard," "The Clown," "The Man Who Didn't Vote for Obama,"
and "Please Don't Write Me," about a writer who pulls out all the stops, cranks
it out like it's never been cranked out before, and ventures into unfettered
territory heretofore only explored by those armed with drugs and a keyboard
missing a period.
Let's say this is an autobiography of a fictional character who bears more
than a passing resemblance to me. One can't be too careful these days. Not only
are "non-fiction" writers being accused of leaving out the "non" by admitting to
childhoods they never had, but "fiction" writers are having their novels
used against them in courts of law as evidence of their propinquity towards
violence. So what the hell do you do when you've got to vent but the ducts are
plugged with maniacs who can't stand the truth unless it's disguised as
non-fiction disguised as fiction? Since fiction is only non-fiction written
in the third person, when you write about yourself and exaggerate, you've
got to trust the words, whatever comes out, start with the facts and go from
there, wherever the words lead you. You decide to invent a plot so you can
justify calling it more than a blog but less than a novel, but who knows what it
is, a deconstruction of deconvention, manipulating the keyboard to do your
bidding. A diary.
Here are some facts from my past that are just coming out this week,
written in the first person but changed to the third to make it more
novelistic.
Noah once came home to find it had been
broken into. Nothing was missing. Everything was just in a different place.
The spoons were where the forks used to be. The toilet paper that came from
the top now came from the bottom. Most mysteriously, Noah's box spring
was on top of his mattress with the bed made perfectly. Who would do such a
thing to poor Noah?
Noah found out it was Scott and they had a
big laugh, but things like that have kept happening to Noah ever since,
even when he's miles away from Scott, in another state, Noah
leaves, he comes back, and things are different. Noah can't always put
his finger on the specifics, but whenever he changes location, or returns
to somewhere he's already been, he's absolutely positive this isn't how
he left it.
All of which probably means my next novel should be called "Noah's
Syndrome," in which Scott tries to kill Noah because he thinks it should be
called "Scott's Syndrome."
You've got to write about yourself in the third person because it's too
damn easy to be on your own side. You don't have to do anything and there
you are. That's why Hunter S. Thompson invented Raoul Duke, though I now hate
Hunter S. Thompson because he's the man who shot Hunter S. Thompson.
Can't be on two sides at once when it's you vs. everyone else. Will mankind
benefit from your having written a best selling novel or will it just buy you a
more efficient bong? Maybe a maniac will read something in chapter 27 that will
inspire them to invent a car that runs on Republicans and emits truffles. On the
other hand, that scene in chapter 6 in the kitchen of the French restaurant
could encourage a maniac to hit a perfect stranger over the head with a wok.
Take full responsibility for the ripple effect and you will go mad, never
creating another thing in fear of what a maniac might make of it.
I, on the other hand, don't do that. Maniacs can make of this what they
will, and if someone hits you over the head with a wok, don't blame me. I
didn't know you were perfect.
Who d'ya want to win as opposed to who d'ya think is gonna win
.
Best Picture
Best Actor
Best Actress
Best Supporting Actor
Best Supporting Actress
Director
Feel free to include any other category that interests you (nod to Adam here for sound). Results will be posted prior to the ceremony... I wish I could make this a contest with prizes and all. But, hey, there's a recession going on, or haven't ya heard? So, just have some fun, eh?
Paul Krugman: Decade at Bernie's (nytimes.com)
Like the duped investors who believed in Bernard Madoff's scheme, America has thought it was rich in the first decade of the 21st century.
Frank Rich: They Sure Showed That Obama (nytimes.com)
But we do know this much. Just as in the presidential campaign, Obama has once again outwitted the punditocracy and the opposition. The same crowd that said he was a wimpy hope-monger who could never beat Hillary or get white votes was played for fools again.
Neil Plakcy: Friend of Dorothy (advocate.com)
Wicked writer Gregory Maguire talks to Advocate.com about his love of all things Oz, gay innuendo and his latest installment in the series, "A Lion Among Men."
Jen Sabella: Margaret Cho writes a song for Miley Cyrus (afterellen.com)
The comedian finds the teen pop star's apology for a racist photo unacceptable, and dedicates some heated lyrics to her: "I wasn't necessarily a fan of / Her, her dad, or Hannah Montana / I tend to prefer the songs of Rihanna / Racism against Asians is simply bananas!"
The still divine Bette Midler (timesonline.co.uk)
Bette Midler is famed for her brash, camp stage and screen persona. But the Divine Miss M tells Tim Teeman that she had to fight her father and a stultifying childhood to achieve her showbusiness dream. Now, if only Meryl Streep would kindly step aside...
Jim Halterman: Eliza Dushku on "Dollhouse," Buffy and Faith, and Her Lesbian/Bi Fans (afterellen.com)
Eliza Dushku is hiding something ... her several tattoos. "They're all actually in places that can be covered with just a swimsuit [so] sometimes we cover them up." In fact, in the March issue of Maxim, which features Dushku on the cover, the actress shared, "I love catching a glimpse of my tattoos when I strip down and take a shower. Kat Von D did a beautiful symbolic feather on my ribs."
Who was the only U.S. President sworn in without a Bible?
A Ulysses Grant
B Thomas Jefferson
C Franklin Roosevelt
D Teddy Roosevelt
E Harry Truman
Source
Charlie was first, and correct, with:
There is some controversy about this, as it
may have happened again recently , which is fine with me.
D Teddy Roosevelt
Sally said:
REPUBLICAN President, Teddy Roosevelt (D) born in the heart of NYC (Gramercy Park area) was the only US President sworn in without a Bible! Can you imagine radio/TV personality Glenn Beck had he been alive back then, tearing Teddy to pieces in the wake of his bibleless Oath of Office? I am most certain that Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Michael Savage would have had him hung in Time Square for the flagrant violation of THEIR principles... I hope he had his birth certificate handy...
PS: Apparently, the Repug jerk-off, Jerome Corsi - World Net Daily - is STILL looking for Obama's "Real" Birth certificate... Doesn't he have anything better to do in this economic crisis than to harp on this crap? What an ass...
PPS: Tomorrow is the big "Conversion Day" from analog TV to digital. will I make it through the ordeal? Stay tuned...
MAM wrote:
Teddy Roosevelt was sworn in without a Bible in 1901, with an uplifted hand., no Bible;
BUT . . .
John Quincy Adams 1825 was sworn in by placing his hand on a book of laws;
Franklin Pierce 1853 choose to be sworn in by placing his hand on a law book;
Rutherford B. Hayes 1877 Privately, no Bible;
Chester A. Arthur 1881 Privately, no Bible;
Lyndon B. Johnson 1963 after Kennedy's assiaination, was sworn in on a Roman Catholic missal.
I used several sources, but this one put it all togther.
And, Joe S ("A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad."
~ Theodore Roosevelt) answered:
D Teddy Roosevelt
Ansley Wilcox, at whose home Roosevelt took the oath of office, wrote in 1903, "According to my best recollection no Bible was used, but President Roosevelt was sworn in with uplifted hand."
My first thought was Thomas Jefferson, he being a deist and all, but I had no idea who it was until I looked it up.
CBS begins the night with a FRESH'NCIS', followed by a FRESH'The Mentalist', then a FRESH'Without A Trace'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave are Bonnie Hunt and M. Ward.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Bill Maher and Chris Klein.
NBC starts the night with a FRESH'Biggest Loser: Couples', followed by a FRESH'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'.
Scheduled on a FRESHLeno are Jennifer Love Hewitt, Travis Astrana, and Andrew Bird.
Scheduled on a FRESHConan is Jason Sudeikis.
Scheduled on a FRESHCarson 'The Scab' Daly is Stacy Peralta.
ABC opens the night with a FRESH'Homeland Security Theater', followed by a RERUN'Scrubs', then another RERUN'Scrubs', and 'Primetime: What Would You Do?'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Tyler Perry and Blues Traveler.
The CW offers a RERUN'90210', followed by a RERUN'Privileged'.
Faux fills the night with 'American Idol'.
MY has 'Street Patrol', another 'Street Patrol', 'Whacked Out Videos', and another 'Whacked Out Videos'.
A&E has 'CSI: The 2nd One', 'The First 48', another 'The First 48', followed by a FRESH'Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force', and another 'Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force'.
AMC offers themovie 'Saturday Night Fever', followed by the movie 'Chicago', then the movie 'Mystic River'.
BBC -
[12:00 PM] You Are What You Eat - Episode 11
[12:30 PM] You Are What You Eat - Episode 12
[1:00 PM] How Clean Is Your House? US - Episode 9
[1:30 PM] How Clean Is Your House? - Episode 10
[2:00 PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares Revisited - Ep 2 The Fenwick Arms
[3:00 PM] Gordon Ramsay's F Word - Episode 6
[4:00 PM] How Clean Is Your House? US - Episode 10
[4:30 PM] How Clean Is Your House? - Episode 10
[5:00 PM] Gordon Ramsay's F Word - Episode 7
[6:00 PM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares - Ep 4 Finn McCool's
[7:00 PM] BBC World News America
[8:00 PM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 4
[9:00 PM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 5
[10:00 PM] BBC World News America
[11:00 PM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 4
[12:00 AM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 5
[1:00 AM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 4
[2:00 AM] Last Restaurant Standing - Episode 5
[3:00 AM] The Graham Norton Show - Ep 6 David Tennant and Jo Brand
[4:00 AM] You Are What You Eat - Episode 11
[4:30 AM] You Are What You Eat - Episode 12
[5:00 AM] Cash in the Attic - Ep. 24 Sharples
[5:30 AM] Cash in the Attic - Ep. 25 Smith
[6:00 AM] BBC World News (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'Real Housewives Of OC', another 'Real Housewives Of OC', still another 'Real Housewives Of OC', and a FRESH'Real Housewives Of OC'.
Comedy Central has 'Scrubs', another 'Scrubs', last night's 'Jon Stewart', last night's 'Colbert Report''Futurama', 'South Park', and 'Ralphie May: Girth Of A Nation'.
On a RERUNJon Stewart (from 2/9/09) is Walter Isaacson.
On a RERUNColbert Report (from 2/11/09) are Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton, and Steven Pinker.
FX has the movie 'John Tucker Must Die', followed by the movie 'The Rundown', and a FRESH'Nip/Tuck'.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Rogue Wave', 'How The Earth Was Made', and 'The Universe'.
IFC -
[7:30 AM] Reefer Madness
[8:45 AM] The Flower of Evil
[10:30 AM] The Quiet American
[12:15 PM] 2009 Spirit Awards Nomination Special
[12:45 PM] Reefer Madness
[2:00 PM] The Flower of Evil
[3:45 PM] The Quiet American
[5:30 PM] 2009 Spirit Awards Nomination Special
[6:00 PM] Mother Night
[8:00 PM] Holy Smoke
[10:00 PM] The Whitest Kids U'Know
[10:15 PM] IFC Music Blast
[10:30 PM] The Henry Rollins Show
[11:00 PM] The IT Crowd
[11:30 PM] IFC Film Blast
[11:45 PM] IFC Web Blast
[12:00 AM] Wilfred
[12:30 AM] Hell Girl
[1:00 AM] The Whitest Kids U'Know
[1:15 AM] IFC Music Blast
[1:30 AM] The IT Crowd
[2:00 AM] Witchblade
[2:30 AM] IFC Film Blast
[2:45 AM] IFC Web Blast
[3:00 AM] Wilfred
[3:30 AM] Holy Smoke
[5:35 AM] 2009 Spirit Awards Nomination Special (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has 'Lost', another 'Lost', and 'Star Trek: Enterprise'.
Sundance -
[05:10 AM] Flying: Confessions...: Part 3
[06:10 AM] The Hawk is Dying
[08:00 AM] Wondrous Oblivion
[10:00 AM] Live From Abbey Road - Season 2: Ben Harper, Justin Currie & Bryan Adams
[11:00 AM] TransGeneration: Episode 3
[11:30 AM] Architecture School: Episode 2
[12:00 PM] La Moustache
[01:30 PM] Right at Your Door
[03:30 PM] Wondrous Oblivion
[05:30 PM] Room
[07:00 PM] Terminal City: Episode 3
[08:00 PM] Big Ideas for a Small Planet - Season 2: Animals
[08:30 PM] Big Ideas for a Small Planet - Season 1: Cities
[09:00 PM] Eco Documentaries - Season 1: Dead in the Water
[10:00 PM] The Hawk is Dying
[12:00 AM] Paris Je T'aime
[02:05 AM] Looking for Langston
[03:00 AM] Big Ideas for a Small Planet - Season 2: Animals
[03:30 AM] Big Ideas for a Small Planet - Season 1: Cities
[04:00 AM] Eco Documentaries - Season 1: Dead in the Water
[05:00 AM] TransGeneration: Episode 3
[05:30 AM] Architecture School: Episode 2 (ALL TIMES EST)
Actress/comedienne Wanda Sykes, from the comedy, 'The New Adventures of Old Christine,' appeared before members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and their supporters at the Love and Marriage Rally for Equality held at the Capitol in Sacramento, Calif., Monday, Feb. 16, 2009.
Photo by Rich Pedroncelli
Washington's "war on terror" after the September 11 attacks has eroded human rights worldwide, creating lingering cynicism that the United Nations must now combat, international law experts said on Monday.
Mary Robinson, who was the U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights when al Qaeda militants flew hijacked planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon in 2001, said the United States caused harm with some of the ways it responded.
"Seven years after 9/11 it is time to take stock and repeal abusive laws and policies," the former Irish president said, warning that harsh U.S. detentions and interrogations in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay, Cuba gave a dangerous signal to other countries that could easily follow suit.
"There has been severe damage and it needs to be addressed," she told a news conference in Geneva. "We are not more secure. We are more divided, and people are more cynical about the operation of laws."
In this photo provided by Hasbro, 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' director Michael Bay holds the 'Bumblebee Plasma Cannon,' left, and the 'Bumblebee Voice Mixer Helmet' as he visits Hasbro's Transformers toy exhibit in their American International Toy Fair showroom in New York, Monday, Feb. 16, 2009.
Photo by Ray Stubblebine
Salma Hayek picked a most romantic time and place to get married: Valentine's Day in Paris. The Mexican-born actress wed French magnate Francois-Henri Pinault in a civil ceremony Saturday at the City Hall in Paris' chic 6th arrondissement, according to an official there.
The wedding was a small affair, said the official, who was speaking on condition of anonymity, in accordance with policy.
Hayek's spokeswoman, Cari Ross, confirmed in an e-mail Monday that the marriage had taken place in Paris Saturday. No further details were provided.
Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel joined forces for a surprise reunion in New York on Friday, performing three songs during the encore of Simon's show at the newly renovated Beacon Theater.
The occasional adversaries dueted on "The Sound of Silence," "The Boxer" and "Old Friends," in what is believed to be just their third appearance together since concluding a 2004 reunion tour. Garfunkel had flown in from Florida, where he played in Key Largo the night before, and he returned to play in Fort Pierce the next night.
The reunion added extra glitz to an evening attended by celebrities such as New York mayor Michael Bloomberg, Paul McCartney, Jon Bon Jovi and Jimmy Fallon, and showcased the Beacon's refurbished interior and new sound system.
Justin Timberlake wins style props in the March issue of GQ magazine. The magazine picked the entertainer to lead a list of the "10 Most Stylish Men in America." It singled out Timberlake for his impact on fashion, willingness to take risks and "knack for targeting trends" such as hats, three-piece suits, skinny ties and beards.
Timberlake, who launched his clothing line William Rast several years ago, tells GQ he considers model Kate Moss a style icon because she "could put a barrel on and it would be some sort of statement."
Other "Stylish Men" include Kanye West, T.I., Jason Schwartzman, hotelier Andre Balazs and photographer Alexi Lubomirski.
Actress Tatum O'Neal, left and daughter Emily McEnroe arrive for the showing of the The fall 2009 collection of Cynthia Rowley during Fashion Week, Monday, Feb. 16, 2009, in New York.
Photo by Louis Lanzano
A famous old wooden house in Tokyo associated with a popular animation figure created by Oscar-winning Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki has been gutted by fire, a municipal official said Monday.
The building in Tokyo's Suginami ward was destroyed in a fire on Saturday, the official told AFP.
Miyazaki said in a book published in 1991 that the magical Totoro character from his animation "My Neighbor Totoro" would have loved to have lived in the house, later prompting a local petition to preserve the dwelling and its wooded garden.
Suginami ward, which owned the building, still wanted to go ahead with plans to turn the site into a park and would consider rebuilding the house, the official said.
NBC stopped producing episodes of its hit "To Catch A Predator" series without ever really explaining why.
Was the enormous popularity of the show finally sinking into the heads of would-be sex predators? Or perhaps it had something to do with the settlement of a $105 million lawsuit from the family of Bill Conradt, who shot himself in the head as a SWAT team and host Chris Hansen waited outside his house?
NBC now has plans to launch an even bolder version of the series -- targeting war criminals -- indicating that the latter theory seems less likely. Unless the network figures that targeting foreign-born individuals is less legally risky than hunting down sex predators.
The planned show is taking some criticism from government officials. The Department of Homeland Security told the New York Times "that a program of this kind could negatively impact law enforcement's ability to investigate and bring cases against the perpetrators of these horrible crimes."
A hare runs in a snow covered field near the village of Karpavichi, some 50 km (31 miles) north of Minsk, Wednesday, Feb. 4, 2009.
Phofo by Sergei Grits
Rap music mogul Marion "Suge" Knight was treated in the hospital for facial injuries after being injured in a fight at a local hotel, Scottsdale police said on Monday.
Security at the W hotel in the city near Phoenix called police after two groups of guests exchanged "heated words in the VIP area" early on Monday, Scottsdale police said in a news release.
Shortly after police officers arrived at the hotel, they saw a man punch Knight, 43, twice in the head, police said.
Officers used Taser stun guns to break up the fracas and arrested two men -- identified as Robert Carnes and Leon Anderson -- who were subsequently charged with aggravated assault and disorderly conduct, the police report added.
After months of legal maneuvers, it's time for the much anticipated courtroom showdown on director Roman Polanski's effort to have a 31-year-old sex prosecution against him dismissed.
Polanski's campaign to clear himself of fugitive status was sparked by an HBO documentary film, "Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired," which disclosed new information about actions by the now deceased judge who presided over his case, a scenario that his lawyers say amounted to misconduct.
But the central issue in Tuesday's hearing will not be the allegations of misconduct but rather the question of whether Polanski's case can be heard without his presence.
France's top judicial body on Monday formally recognized the nation's role in deporting Jews to Nazi death camps during the Holocaust - but effectively ruled out any more reparations for the deportees or their families.
Jewish groups welcomed the ruling by the Council of State, the clearest legal acknowledgment to date of France's role in the Holocaust.
Nearly 70 years ago, the Vichy government helped deport some 76,000 people - including 11,000 children - from Nazi-occupied France to concentration camps during the war. Fewer than 3,000 returned alive.
The council said that the French government of the time "allowed or facilitated the deportation from France of victims of anti-Semitic persecution."
This undated photo released by Julien's Auctions shows an oil on canvas portrait of Michael Jackson dressed as king, signed and dated 1995 by Norman Oak (American, B. 20th Century,) housed in an elaborate gold frame. Julien's Auction estimate: $4,000 - $6,000.
Photo by Shaan Kokin
Nuclear submarines from Britain and France collided deep in the Atlantic Ocean this month, authorities said Monday in the first acknowledgment of a highly unusual accident that one expert called the gravest in nearly a decade.
Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause radiation to leak. But anti-nuclear groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.
The first public indication of a mishap came when France reported in a little-noticed Feb. 6 statement that one of its submarine had struck a submerged object - perhaps a shipping container. But confirmation of the accident only came after British media reported it.
France's defense ministry said Monday that the sub Le Triomphant and the HMS Vanguard, the oldest vessel in Britain's nuclear-armed submarine fleet, were on routine patrol when they collided in the Atlantic this month. It did not say exactly when, where or how the accident occurred.
Just days after the nation honored the 200th anniversary of his birth, 65 historians ranked Abraham Lincoln as the nation's best president.
Former resident George W. Bush, who left office last month, was ranked 36th out of the 42 men who had been chief executive by the end of 2008, according to a survey conducted by the cable channel C-SPAN.
Bush scored lowest in international relations, where he was ranked 41st, and in economic management, where he was ranked 40th. His highest ranking, 24th, was in the category of pursuing equal justice for all. He was ranked 25th in crisis leadership and vision and agenda setting.
In contrast, Lincoln was ranked in the top three in each of the 10 categories evaluated by participants.
Four men who work at The Pirate Bay file-sharing website are on trial in Stockholm - but they say they haven't done anything wrong.
The four are charged with accessory to breaking copyright law by helping millions of Internet users download protected works. The Pirate Bay doesn't host copyrighted content, but directs users to the material. It has 22 million users. Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, Peter Sunde, Fredrik Neij and Carl Lundstrom all could face up to two years in prison if convicted.
Music and movie companies are demanding US$14.3 million in compensation and damages.
Swedish news agency TT says a dozen Pirate Bay supporters waived black flags outside Monday's packed courtroom.
Subis the orang-utan cradles her two week old baby in her enclosure at Chester Zoo in Chester, northern England, February 16, 2009.
Photo by Phil Noble
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.
The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better,
amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
This is your place.
wrote:
