'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
New Feature
'THE HOLLYWOOD HUSTLE'
~ The Artful Dodger
Here are some recent screenplay deals that might make it through development hell and show up on your local movie screens in a few years.
He's Back!
The Worried Shrimp
Reader Suggestion
Re: The Dems
Thought you might get a laugh out of my take on the field of Democratic
contenders:
Handicapping the Democratic field
(And, yes, I know Joe's from CT, YOU try wrangling nine of them without
a blooper or two...
Thanks, Samantha!
9 ain't so bad - we have 135 'legitimate' candidates on the recall ballot.
Is it just me, or did Joe Lieberman miss his calling by not being a lawn gnome model?
Day #1
Dr. Paul Is An Idiot
Thanks, Mark!
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
from Alvin
'I'LL BE BACK!'
MIDI
I'LL BE BACK!
(Sung to 'I'll Be There' by The Jackson 5)
(As Sung By Arnold Schwarzenegger)
(instrumental intro)
You and I must make a pact
Give me chance to get the job
I'm qualified
I'll be back!
I'll reach out my hand to you:
'Kindergarten Cop for Gov.'
Just write my name
And I'll be back!
I'll be back to comfort you
Build my world in Sacramento
Say goodbye to Hollywood
I'll be back to beat Ueberroth
Arianna Huffington...
I'll beat Bustamante, eh-eh!
The Terminator for Governor
Schwarzenegger, well... that's all you're after
Whenever you need me
I'll be back!
I'll be back to protect you
Come on, fire Gray Davis... I will serve you
Just write my name
And I'll be back!
I'll be back to comfort you
Build my world in Sacramento
Say goodbye to Hollywood
I'll be back to beat Ueberroth
Arianna Huffington...
I'll beat Bustamante, too!
If you should ever vote for someone new
You know he'd better be named Ahnold
'Cause if it doesn't
Then I'll be back!
You should know, Californians, yah!
I'll be back!... I'll be back!
Just write my name
And I'll be back!
(The Barbarian will look over your shoulders, yah!)
I'll be back!
I'll be back!
Whenever you need me
I'll be back!
(Hasta la vista, baby!)
Just write my name
And I'll be back!...
Alvin (-.-)
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Another very toasty day.
Got a check in the mail today - this year's advance on next year's tax return that chimpy wants parents to think is a gift from him.
Thought the new kitten had 6 toes on each front paw - turns out there're 7.
Tonight, Thursday, CBS starts the night with a FRESH 'Big Brother 4', followed by a RERUN 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', then a RERUN
'Without A Trace'.
On a RERUN Dave are Demi Moore and Verbena. (RERUNs all this week & next)
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, Peter Gallagher, and Brad Paisley.
NBC opens the evening with a RERUN 'Friends', followed by a RERUN 'Scrubs', then an hour's worth of RERUN 'Will & Grace''s, followed by an hour's
worth of 'Queer Eye'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Kevin Costner and the cast of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'. Live on the east coast.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Melanie Griffith and Shia LaBoeuf.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Donald Faison, Okapiec Triplets, and Dashboard Confessional.
ABC begins the evening with a RERUN 'ABC's 50th Anniversary Blooper Celebration' (part 2 of 2), followed by a RERUN 'Extreme Makeover', then 'PrimeTime Thursday'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Charisma Carpenter, Friendster.com founder Jonathan Abrams, and Patrice Oneal, with this week's guest co-host Super Dave Osborne.
The WB has the movie 'Valentine'.
Faux has 'Preseason Football' (Raiders at 49ers), so on the left coast it's a RERUN 'Simpsons', a RERUN 'King Of The Hill', a RERUN
'Drew Carey', then another RERUN 'Simpsons'.
UPN fills the night with 'WWE Smackdown!.
A&E has 'Biography' (Tom Clancy), then the made-for-tv-movie 'Columbo Goes To The Gulliotine'.
AMC offers the movie 'Shane', followed by the movie 'Donovan's Reef', then the movie 'Rooster Cogburn'.
BBC -
[7pm] 'Ground Force' - West Hanney;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Ripley Castle;
[8pm] 'House Invaders' - Coudon Coventry;
[8:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Marston;
[9pm] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[10pm] 'Faking It' - Alex the Animal;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - James Van Der Beek;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Steve Irwin;
[12am] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[1am] 'Faking It' - Alex the Animal;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Coudon Coventry;
[2:30am] 'House Invaders' - Marston;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - James Van Der Beek; and
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Steve Irwin. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'The West Wing', followed by the movie 'The Profesional', then 'Queer Eye', and 'West Wing', again.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Carson & Cody: The Hunter Heroes', and more 'Modern Marvels'.
SciFi has the movie 'Idle Hands', followed by the movie 'The Faculty'.
TCM provides 24-hours of Charlton Heston.
[6am] 'Khartoum' (1966);
[9:30am] 'The Greatest Story Ever Told' (1965);
[1:30pm] 'The Big Country' (1958);
[4:30pm] 'The Hawaiians' (1970);
[7:00pm] 'Private Screenings: Charlton Heston' (1998);
[8pm] 'Touch Of Evil' (1958) [also written & directed by
Orson Welles];
[10pm] 'Ben-Hur' (1959);
[2am] 'Soylent Green' (1973); and
[4am] 'Skyjacked' (1972). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Satirist Stan Freberg, 76, right, and his wife, Hunter, pose for a photo at a Beverly Hills, Calif., hotel July 25, 2003. Freberg, father of the funny commercial and inventor of the modern comedy album, is preparing for a series of shows called 'An Evening With Stan Freberg,' co-starring his wife.
Photo by Matt Sayles
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
CNN Gives Faux Run for Money
Conservatives
Fox News Channel does not hold a monopoly on reaching conservative viewers, according to a newly issued report.
Ad agency Carat USA found that CNN actually reaches more viewers who term themselves "very conservative" in a week than Fox -- 37% vs. 32%, respectively.
While Fox's average viewership is substantially higher than CNN's, the latter attracts more viewers, but for a much shorter tune-in time. The study, based on data from Mediamark Research's MRI reports, suggests that these conservative viewers are still tuning to CNN to get the latest news, but not remaining for prolonged periods.
The Sunday morning news shows overall reached more conservatives than the evening newscasts. "Fox News Sunday" had the highest conservative skew, followed by NBC's "Meet the Press," CBS' "Face the Nation" and ABC's "This Week."
Conservatives
Thanks, Alex!
Renewed Through 2004-05
Noah Wyle
Noah Wyle, who has played Dr. John Carter since "ER" launched in 1994, has inked a one-year extension to his deal with producer Warner Bros. TV. He also will step behind the camera for the first time during the 2004-05 season to direct two episodes of the fast-paced medical drama.
The new deal with Wyle, who has become the center of the Emmy-winning series following the departure of Anthony Edwards in 2002, ensures that the actor will stay on the show till the end of its current pact with NBC. The network picked up the veteran series for two more seasons in the spring.
Meanwhile, Wyle, the only original "ER" cast member who has been with the show since its premiere, will be absent from the series for about three episodes during the show's upcoming 10th season. Sources said he has committed to star opposite Illeana Douglas in the indie feature "The Californians," based on Henry James' classic "The Bostonians," and also wants to spend more time with his 9-month-old son, Owen.
Noah Wyle
'Domestic Goddess' on Hold
Roseanne Barr
Roseanne Barr will undergo surgery next week, forcing a delay in the production of her upcoming ABC Family series "Domestic Goddess."
Doctors informed Barr, 50, earlier this week that she needed to undergo a hysterectomy, which is scheduled for Wednesday, according to Barr's assistant, Becky Pentland.
Production on ABC Family's 13-episode order of "Goddess" was under way, but staffers were told that the show would be on hiatus until further notice. An ABC Family spokeswoman said it was unclear if the show would be ready in time to meet the scheduled Sept. 20 premiere date. The development of "Goddess" also has been the subject of a documentary-style series now running on ABC, "The Real Roseanne Show," which has already completed production.
Roseanne Barr
A child wears Nepali traditional dress to observe the Gaijatra festival in Kathmandu, August 13, 2003. Followers believe by performing during the religious festival, the souls of their loved ones will go to heaven.
Photo by Gopal Chitrakar
Courtney Love's Grandfather?
Marlon Brando
Veteran actor Marlon Brando has been revealed as the unexpected grandfather of wild rocker Courtney Love in a new book. The singer's mother, psychologist Linda Carroll, claims she has taken DNA tests to confirm she is the Godfather star's daughter. Love, former wife of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, says, "I am incredibly shocked by this news. I have heard Mr. Brando has more than 30 children so I can't imagine how many cousins I have."
The link is Linda's mother, novelist Paula Fox. She met Brando in the 1940's through famed drama teacher Stella Adler, and the two enjoyed a brief liaison. However, it is not known whether 79-year-old recluse Brando knows that Linda - who was given up for adoption - was the result of this. Brando has 11 acknowledged children, although is thought to have many more. Carroll's book in which she makes the revelation, is as yet unreleased.
Marlon Brando
Seeks More $ from CBS
Brad Garrett
Actor Brad Garrett, co-star of CBS television's top-rated comedy "Everybody Loves Raymond," is demanding the network show him a little more love.
Garrett, who plays jealous big brother Robert Barone to the lead character Ray Barone, played by star Ray Romano, has refused to return to work until CBS agrees to discuss a pay raise, a source close to the situation said on Wednesday.
CBS has fired back by ordering Garrett's character written out of the first episode for the upcoming eighth season, the source said.
Garrett's manager and publicist were not immediately available for comment. But the Hollywood trade paper Daily Variety quoted his representatives at the management company Raw Talent as saying, "If we don't come to a fair deal, we feel comfortable walking away."
Brad Garrett
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Pleads Innocent
Robert Conrad
Robert Conrad pleaded innocent Tuesday to two felony counts of driving under the influence of alcohol for a car crash near his rural home in Calaveras County.
Conrad's blood-alcohol level was 0.22 percent when he crashed head-on into another vehicle, injuring the driver, according to a criminal complaint.
Conrad, best known for his roles in the TV series "Baa Baa, Black Sheep" and "The Wild Wild West," faces two felony counts, formally listed as driving under the influence with injury and driving while having 0.08 percent or more alcohol in the blood system with injury.
Conrad appeared in court with a bracelike cane for one arm and a sling on the other. He told the judge he has been praying for the other driver — Kevin Burnett, 26, of Forest Meadows.
Conrad's wife, Lavelda, said her husband is 68, but court records indicate he is 73.
Robert Conrad
Bioprospector and tarantula breeder Stuart Douglas peers at a native Australian tarantula, one of his milking stock, at his home in Cairns, Australia, Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003. Douglas milks the venom from the deadly spiders, as well as scorpions, centipedes and sea snakes and exports the venom to pharmaceutical companies in the United States where scientists are investigating the use of the poisons in drugs to help fight cancer and other ailments. Spider venom is already in use in drugs to regulate heart rate and it is hoped that the so far untested Australian species will provide a medical breakthrough.
Photo by Brian Cassey
University of Natal
Center for African Literary Studies
One of the world's top collections of African literature is finally on its way back to Africa, officials said Wednesday.
Rare first editions signed by giants of African literature such as Nigeria's Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka and South Africa's Nadine Gordimer form part of the collection of 13,000 items being sent from Texas to South Africa to launch a new Center for African Literary Studies at the University of Natal.
"This collection constitutes a key intellectual and cultural resource, which can be seen as a cornerstone for scholarly contribution and African renaissance," Professor Liz Gunner of the University of Natal told Reuters.
She declined to say how much was spent to acquire the collection, known as the Lindfors Library after University of Texas English Professor Bernth Lindfors, who spent four decades putting it together.
Center for African Literary Studies
Invites CA Recall Candidates
Jay Leno
They may not make as big a splash as Arnold Schwarzenegger, but all 134 candidates running against him for California governor are getting a crack at their own brand of late-night TV stardom.
One week after Schwarzenegger's announcement on "The Tonight Show" that he is running for California governor, host Jay Leno has invited everyone making a bid in the gubernatorial recall race to appear on the NBC show next month.
An NBC spokeswoman denied reports that Gray Davis had himself been turned down as a "Tonight Show" guest after seeking to appear on the show.
According to NBC, producers learned through a third party that Davis was interested in a guest appearance but NBC decided not to extend an invitation after network lawyers warned that doing so might be subject to federal rules requiring broadcasters to provide equal time for all candidates, free of charge.
Jay Leno
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Only On Pay TV
Olympic Qualifying Games
Fans that want to watch the U.S. men's basketball team qualify for the Olympics later this month will have to do it on pay-per-view.
All the U.S. games in the first two rounds will be available through iN DEMAND, as will the semifinals, gold medal and bronze medal games. The cost will be $59.95 for all 12 games or $9.95 per game.
Olympic Qualifying Games
A computerized reconstruction of the face believed to belong to famed Egyptian beauty Queen Nefertiti is seen in this handout photo issued Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003. Built from a mummy discovered by British Egyptologist Joann Fletcher, the face is revealed as part of a Sept. 7, 2003, program on the Discovery Channel following Fletcher's work in uncovering what she believes is the tomb of Nefertiti.
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Photographer Charged
Cameron Diaz
A Los Angeles photographer was charged on Wednesday with trying to extort $3.3 million from Cameron Diaz over pictures taken at a private modeling session before the actress became a star.
Photographer John Rutter, who claimed to posses a 1992 release for the pictures signed by the "Charlie's Angels" star, was charged with attempted extortion, attempted grand theft and perjury and two counts of forgery.
He is accused of forging her name on the release, Sandi Gibbons, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office, said, and faces a maximum of six years in prison if convicted.
Rutter was arrested at his apartment in the Los Angeles beach community of Venice on his 41st birthday, and was being held on $250,000 bail pending an arraignment.
Cameron Diaz
Calls Illinois Residents 'Sheeplike'
Ted Nugent
Rocker Ted Nugent called Illinois residents "spineless, apathetic, embarrassing wimps" just hours before performing at the Illinois State Fair.
Nugent, known for the song "Cat Scratch Fever," made the comments Monday during a radio show on WJJG-AM hosted by John Cox, a Republican candidate for U.S. Senate. Nugent said Illinois residents fail to reach out to their elected officials.
The comments came after Cox tried to talk about the Republican credentials of actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is running for governor in California. Nugent did not respond to Cox's remarks, instead attacking the state's residents.
Cox, who is hoping to succeed Sen. Peter Fitzgerald, ended the show by asking Nugent to appear at a fund-raiser for him in the fall.
Ted Nugent
WTF! An announced congressional candidate is hosting a radio show?
Toronto, Canada
The History of Contraception Museum
Many thought preventing pregnancy was a modern-day desire after the pill's introduction in the 1960s, but a museum here explores how crocodile dung, lemons and weasel testicles were once among the contraceptives used thousands of years ago.
Some of the more than 600 condoms, sponges, cervical caps and other devices on display at The History of Contraception Museum here -- the world's biggest collection of contraceptive devices -- were completely ineffective, while others were simply dangerous or lethal.
One of the first-ever written prescriptions for a contraceptive device is a 1550 BC papyrus sheet from Egypt on display, which describes a tampon made of seed wool moistened with ground acacia, dates and honey.
Superstitions also played a major role in trying to ward off pregnancy in the Middle Ages, but many were ineffective.
Women strapped amulets containing mule's earwax, weasel's testicles and a bone taken from the right side of a totally black cat to body parts to avoid pregnancy.
For the rest of an interesting read, The History of Contraception Museum
In Memory
Laura Rapaport Borsten
Laura Rapaport Borsten, the last surviving member of the Navy's first group of women officers, died Monday of a stroke. She was 91.
The Navy pioneer catalogued her experiences in the memoir "Once a Wave: My Life in the U.S. Navy 1942-1946."
Borsten, who held the rank of lieutenant commander, became an officer in August 1942 after President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill creating the Navy's Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service or WAVES.
Her first responsibilities included training women assembled at the campuses of Mount Holyoke, Smith and Hunter colleges. She later served in Honolulu.
Born on a farm in Wishek, N.D., in 1912, Borsten graduated from the University of Minnesota and served as a director for the National Council of Jewish Women in New York before joining the WAVES.
Laura Rapaport Borsten
Polar bears walk among fresh ice in the Berlin zoo, Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003, after an ice producing company had donated 20 tons of ice for the bears. Berlin citizens who helped to carry the ice into the empty cage were granted free admittance to the zoo.
Photo by Franka Bruns
'Ark of Darkness'
"The Ark of Darkness", a Political/Science-Fiction work, in tidy, weekly installments (and updated every Friday).
The Ark Group splits up. Steve returns to the bottom of hell, as the rest struggle through the storm raging at Kanda Feng.
'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 5
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
