'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
Weekly Review
HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW
May 13, 2003
Britain and Spain introduced a resolution to the United
Nations Security Council that would suspend sanctions
against Iraq and give the United States control over the
Iraqi oil industry until a permanent representative Iraqi
government takes power; officials acknowledged that this
might take a few years.
Ahmed Chalabi, head of the Iraqi
National Congress and a great favorite of the Pentagon,
warned his detractors that he had acquired about 60 tons of
documents from the files of the Iraqi secret police and the
Baath Party, and that the documents detailed Saddam
Hussein's relations with other Arab leaders. He also
threatened to shut down Al Jazeera and accused the
television station's journalists of having been informants
for the Iraqi government. "We will not allow this channel to
continue its destructive work, which might lead to civil war
in Iraq through their lies and the spreading of rumors,
because rumors," Chalabi said, "are worse than killing."
Resident Bush continued to maintain that "Saddam Hussein
had weapons of mass destruction" even as high-ranking
administration officials said that they would be "amazed" if
such weapons were found. Other officials suggested that
actual illegal weapons might not be found and said that they
were more concerned with proving that there had been a
"capability" to produce them.
Weapons experts working in
Iraq claimed that they had found a mobile bioweapons
laboratory; other military officials in Iraq were skeptical
of the claim, saying the evidence was inconclusive and that
no trace of such weapons had been found. "We came to bear
country and we came loaded for bear," said one Defense
Intelligence Agency official, "and we found that the bear
was not there."
Iraqi nuclear scientists warned that
partially enriched uranium from the Al Tuwaitha Nuclear
Research Center had been taken by looters. "I saw empty
uranium-oxide barrels lying around," one scientist said. "We
saw people using them for milking cows and carrying drinking
water."
People living near giant hog factories in the United
States were complaining of neurological damage from hydrogen
sulfide gas and other dangerous pollutants produced by vast
manure cesspools. The Environmental Protection Agency was
planning to give large industrial livestock farms amnesty
for violations of the Clean Air Act and other environmental
laws.
Donald Rumsfeld, the secretary of defense, nominated
an oilman from New Mexico to be secretary of the Navy.
Doctors at Baghdad's Al Rashad state
mental hospital said that American soldiers had knocked down
their walls with tanks and then did nothing as the hospital
was looted. The sole remaining patient, an insane killer
named Ali Sabah, explained that he had stayed because "I
hate the world and the world hates me. I don't want the
monkey to see me and I don't want to see the monkey."
A German diplomat charged that the United
States is turning into a police state.
Continued at www.harpers.org/weekly-review
Interesting Link
from Alex
Marty,
I can't figure out if this page is satire or real (that would be scary!),
but this picture of a proposed statue is hysterical!
Reader Comment
Re: 'Raymond'
And I thought I was the only one who didn't love Raymond!
== Proof Of The Apocalypse #29 ==
CBS loves "Everybody Loves Raymond" more than ever, giving star Ray
Romano a raise to about $1.8 million an episode next season, oh my
freaking god why not just reach right in and wrap your gnarled
wart-crusted little demon fingers around the karma and rip out the very
soul of all that is fair and good and decent, and in its place drive a
rusty black spike of absurdity and insult and moronic dumbed-down crap
that makes you want to run off to the woods with a lover and a couple
big dogs and a case of very old whiskey and the collected works of
Emily Dickinson and John Ashbery and AC/DC and never come back until
dildos outnumber guns and inane sitcoms about sports and mothers-in-law
and bad sex are proven to cause screaming brain tumors.
The deal makes
Romano the highest-paid actor in TV, slam slam bang bang goes the giant
mallet of inanity, pounding even lower the national level of
intelligence and humor and general overall mental health, holy Christ
but I need a drink.
The 45-year-old comedian had been earning about
$800,000 per episode for the past two years, poor thing. Romano's new
salary surpasses that of Kelsey Grammer, who has been making $1.6
million per episode of "Frasier", which of course also makes you say,
what? What the hell? Are these people goddamn insane?
Proof Of The Apocalypse #29
~ Oceanside Larry
Thanks, Lar!
I'll admit to watching 'Raymond' - I love Doris Roberts & Peter Boyle - they hit some pertinent notes in the dysfunctionality that was my eyetalian upbringing.
BTW - 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' was cancelled yesterday. I know that will upset you greatly. ; )
Hi Marty,
I've put together a series of interesting quotations
by Dr. Paul Wolfowitz.
cheers,
- Mark
Thanks, Mark! (click on the picture)
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Overcast & gray most of the day.
Dear old Dad & the Babe returned safely back to the backwoods of PA.
Tried to watch Yoko Ono on Leno on Tuesday night, but got to wondering if they still ran an audio board on the show & if they did, was it being handled by an untrained beneficiary of nepotism. Inexcusable to have such shitty audio on a major profit-maker - or so one would think.
Woke up with a nightmare of a giant black rat climbing in the window. In reality, Toeser, the 6-toed black cat, decided to explore the windows of the bedroom & had jumped up between the windows the shutter.
Tonight, Thursday, CBS opens the evening with a RERUN 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', followed by the Season Finale of 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', and then
the Season Finale of 'Without A Trace'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Renee Zellweger, 70-year-old female professional football player Charlotte Chambers, and Jack Johnson.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers is Ben Harper.
NBC has 2 'super-sized' sitcoms - starting the evening is the Season Finale of 'Friends' (runs over by 15 minutes), followed by the
Season Finale of 'Will & Grace', and then the Season Finale of 'ER'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Jim Carrey, Amanda Bynes, and Tim McGraw.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan is an all-Claymation show with Johnny Knoxville, Richard Lewis, and David Bowie.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Sarah Wynter, Nick Cannon, and Lifehouse.
ABC may have the movie 'One Fine Day', followed by 'PrimeTime Live', but, then again, they may admit total defeat & dump the night in hopes of doing better on the fly.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Mekhi Phifer, David James Elliott, and Cold, with this week's guest co-host Monica Lewinsky.
The WB offers the movie 'The Thin Line Between Love & Hate'.
Faux regurgitates - er, RERUNs the 'Married...With Children Reunion Special', followed by 'The Pulse'.
UPN pisses away - er, fills the evening with 'WWE Smackdown!'.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
Soldiers from the U.S. Army stand outside the Electronics Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, May 14, 2003. The army is attending the expo to show its game, 'America's Army' The Official U.S. Army Game. The Expo, which is the largest of its kind in the world, previews electronic games and technologies under development or recently released.
Photo by Brad Rickerby
A Very Good Read
U.S. Press
On the day resident Bush proclaimed the fighting over in Iraq - from an aircraft carrier positioned to provide the best backdrop for his TV speech - famed war correspondent Chris Hedges reflected on the postwar coverage and the continuing importance of, and obstacles to, getting the story right. "Postwar coverage has actually been better than the jingoistic war coverage, which was abysmal," said Hedges, who has covered a dozen conflicts around the globe, including, as an independent reporter, the first Gulf War. He now writes for the "Metro" section of The New York Times.
"There have been some stories - too few, but some - that have given us a sense of the human cost of this war, both to Iraq and to the soldiers who carried it out," he said last week. "We didn't ever discover how many civilian casualties occurred in the first Gulf War, and I doubt we'll ever know about this one."
Americans also remain largely uninformed about what the country faces in its new role as interim administrator of Iraq, he believes.
The message put out by the Bush administration and the commercial media portraying Americans only as "liberators" ill equips the country to understand why that is not the perception of many Iraqis or much of the rest of the world. Hedges compared the situation to Israel's taking over Gaza in 1967, and operating among a hostile population: "For occupation troops, everyone becomes the enemy."
For the rest, U.S. Press
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Tonight!
Total Lunar Eclipse
If the weather cooperates, a total lunar eclipse will be seen across North America late Thursday — the first visible in the United States in three years — and just before dawn Friday in western Europe and western and southern Africa.
In North America, the moon will remain totally eclipsed for 53 minutes, and should turn substantially darker and reddish in color.
The total eclipse will start at 8:13 PDT in Los Angeles, 11:13 p.m. EDT in New York.
Total Lunar Eclipse
Naval Observatory
Griffith Observatory
Hip-hop sensation Nelly and his sister Jackie Donahue, who has leukemia, try to hold back their tears during an emotional press conference in St. Louis, Wednesday, May 14, 2003. Jackie is in immediate need of a bone marrow transplant and needs a donor. Nelly and his sister also want to start a nationwide donor drive for patients in need of bone transplants through Nellys non-profit organization the 'Jes Us 4 Jackie' campaign.
Photo by Diane L. Wilson
Go-Go's Members & Tina 'Jennifer Keaton' Yothers
'Lovelace: The Musical'
Go-Go's principals Charlotte Caffey and Jane Wiedlin are putting the finishing touches on an off-Broadway musical based on the life of late porn star actress Linda Lovelace.
Starring former "Family Ties" actress Tina Yothers, "Lovelace: The Musical" will be previewed next month in Los Angeles before moving to New York in the fall.
Caffey is co-writing the music for the production with former That Dog leader Anna Waronker. Wiedlin is a creative consultant on the project. The musical follows Lovelace's career, which took her from her home in New York to Los Angeles' thriving porn industry. Her role in "Deep Throat" made Lovelace one of the first true pornographic film stars.
The June showcase in Los Angeles will feature eight songs and select scenes from the full production, which will open at New York's Revelation Theater in the fall. There will be four shows at the Theater of NOTE in Los Angeles, running from June 20-22, with an additional performance on June 27.
'Lovelace: The Musical'
Seven New Series for Fall
CBS
CBS will end the current season as the nation's most popular broadcast network, with its widest margin of victory since 1993. CBS is third behind NBC and Fox among the advertiser-friendly 18-to-49-year-old demographic, with the gap narrowing.
In the fall, CBS will shift "The King of Queens" from Monday to Wednesday, and bump "JAG" from Tuesday to Friday.
With "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" the nation's favorite program, CBS is riding the genre hard. The new "Navy CIS," about special agents fighting crimes within the military, is a cross between "JAG" and "CSI." It will take the time slot "JAG" is vacating.
Joe Pantoliano leads "The Handler," training FBI undercover agents in Los Angeles. The actor was seeking work after being memorably decapitated last season on HBO's "The Sopranos."
CBS is also abandoning comedy on Sundays for "Cold Case," a drama about a Philadelphia detective assigned to track unsolved crimes. Jerry Bruckheimer, the same person behind "CSI" and "Without a Trace," is the creator.
"Becker" and "My Big Fat Greek Life" were canceled. But CBS decided to stick by its Sunday night movie despite sagging ratings. "The Agency" was canceled, with "Hack" moving to Saturday night. "Star Search" wasn't on the schedule, but may return in a limited run.
With "Touched By an Angel" recently ending its long run, CBS is introducing "Joan of Arcadia," about a teenage girl who has sudden, unexpected conversations with God. Joe Mantegna and Mary Steenburgen play her parents.
Charlie Sheen's comedy, called "Two and a Half Men," will move into the time slot behind "Everybody Loves Raymond." Jon Cryer co-stars as Sheen's newly divorced brother.
Other new CBS series:
_"The Brotherhood of Poland, N.H.," a small-town drama created by David E. Kelley, about three close-knit brothers. Randy Quaid stars as the town's police captain.
_"The Stones," features Robert Klein in a comedy about two adult siblings living in their childhood home with their divorcing parents.
CBS
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Gives Advice to Aspiring Singers
Smokey Robinson
While Smokey Robinson is often associated with the music of the past, he has some advice for musicians of the present.
"The best (thing) an artist can do is do what they do best," the singer told AP Radio. "You try to come out as strongly as you can in your category. That snowballs (everything), so if you get a huge hit in your category, everybody becomes aware of it."
Robinson says the climate of music has changed so much since his days as a Motown singer in the 1960s. "It's different than it's ever been in the history of music — there are so many categories now. It's not what it used to be," he lamented.
Robinson says in the old days, if a song was a hit, all the stations — regardless of format — would play it. But in this day and age, he says, the radio landscape is very fragmented.
Smokey Robinson
Smokey Robinson Web site
Spanish actress Penelope Cruz arrives for the screening of her film 'Fanfan La Tulipe,' out of competition, directed by French director Gerard Krawczyk at the opening of the 56th Film Festival in Cannes, France, Wednesday, May 14, 2003.
Photo by Lionel Cironneau
Play Returns To Paris Stage
'God's Sad Cowboy'
A play lampooning US resident George W. Bush that was withdrawn from a Parisian theatre after its director was attacked, is set to return to the stage next week.
Attilio Maggiulli, who wrote and directed the play "George W. Bush ou le triste cowboy de Dieu" (George W. Bush or God's sad cowboy), was assaulted by two unidentified individuals on May 4.
The satire voices astonishment that Bush, whom it brands "philistine, spineless, a bigot and a former alcoholic" could "run the most powerful nation in the world and determine a new world order."
The play, which also hints at a romantic idyll between Blair and Bush, is set to resume at Paris' Comedie italienne theatre on May 20.
'God's Sad Cowboy'
Judge Won't Bar Use of Name
Doors
A judge tentatively declined Monday to issue a temporary restraining order barring The Doors' band members Ray Manzarek and Robby Kreiger from using the band's name on their concert tour, but withheld a final ruling in the case.
Superior Court Judge Gregory W. Alarcon heard legal arguments but gave no indication as to when he would make a final ruling on the petition filed by The Doors' drummer, John Densmore.
Densmore's suit claimed that after lead singer Jim Morrison died of a drug overdose in 1971, the three remaining members of the 1960s rock band agreed they would split any future profits from The Doors music three ways and that the band's name would not be used unless all three of the original surviving members were involved.
Densmore's attorney, S. Jerome Mandel, argued Monday that the additional label "21st Century" was of no use since it did not appear anywhere in advertising for the current tour by Manzarek, Kreiger and singer Ian Astbury of The Cult.
The concert tour, which began in March and is scheduled to resume next week in Tampa, Fla., has sparked two other lawsuits. Morrison's parents have filed a trademark infringement suit against Manzarek and Kreiger.
Stewart Copeland, former drummer of the rock group The Police, has filed a $1 million breach of oral contract lawsuit claiming Manzarek and Kreiger reneged on a promise to use him during their tour and on an upcoming album.
Doors
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
One-Handed Pianist's Manuscripts
Paul Wittgenstein
An important archive of works commissioned by the one-handed Viennese pianist Paul Wittgenstein from composers including Prokofiev, Britten and Ravel will be sold on May 22, auctioneers Sotheby's said Wednesday.
The auction house said the collection, commissioned after Wittgenstein lost his right arm in action on the Russian front during World War I, is expected to fetch up to $240,000 at the London auction.
Wittgenstein, who died in Manhasset, N.Y., in 1961, was born into a wealthy and creative family. The philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein was a younger brother.
He lost his arm in combat in Poland, was detained by the Russian army and interned as a prisoner in Omsk. While a prisoner in Siberia, he found a piano and began practicing.
Using his considerable inheritance, Wittgenstein commissioned a concerto repertory from several composers, resulting in more than 20 pieces of orchestral and chamber music between 1920s and 1940s.
For more, Paul Wittgenstein
Sotheby's
Sandals with images of Jesus Christ are displayed in a Kvickly chain supermarket store in Denmark on May 12. A pink pair with the picture of Virgin Mary is also on sale. Several people, among them priests, have complained that the sandals are blasphemous. Kvickly decided to withdraw the sandals Wednesday May 14 2003.
Photo by Jens Noergaard Larsen
Take On Landmines In Cambodia
Bugs Bunny & Daffy Duck
In perhaps their most serious roles to date, famed Warner Brothers cartoon characters Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck launched a new landmine awareness program aimed at youngsters in mine-ridden Cambodia, the US State Department said.
The wascally wabbit and his hubris-afflicted sidekick debuted on Cambodian television in US-sponsored, Khmer-language public service announcements warning of the perils of landmines, it said.
The messages -- which feature Bugs, Daffy and an animated Cambodian landmine survivor named "Rith," along with actual local footage -- deliver "mine risk education and (encourage) landmine survivors' social reintegration," the department said in a statement.
The program, which is funded by the US Agency for International Development (USAID), was crafted after lengthy consultations with various landmine experts with an eye toward appealing to youngsters as well as older citizens, it said.
"Even the choice of Bugs Bunny from Warner Brothers' stable of characters was by design, as the rabbit is considered a kind and intelligent creature in Cambodian culture," the department said.
Bugs Bunny & Daffy Duck
Invests in Second Comedy Block
UPN
UPN has set its sights on relaunching a second comedy night next season. The network has ordered four new comedies for the fall, the most laughs it has carried on its schedule since 1997, sources said.
The network picked up the Duane Martin starrer "All of Us," based on the real home life of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith; "Opposite Sex," which stars Eve as a clothing designer; the family comedy "Rock Me Baby"; and an untitled project about two redneck brothers sporting mullet haircuts.
With its current crop of Monday comedies all set to return in the fall, it's clear that UPN will be opening up a second comedy front for its four new sitcoms in the fall. As further evidence, UPN has so far picked up only one new drama, the sci-fi project "Jake 2.0," though it will be saying goodbye to three dramas at next week's season close: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the canceled freshmen "Haunted" and "The Twilight Zone."
"Jake 2.0," about a technician for a secretive government agency who accidentally becomes endowed with superhuman powers after being injected with nanobots, is considered a slam-dunk as a companion piece for "Enterprise."
UPN is expected to use two of its established Monday comedies to launch a new comedy night.
UPN
Tour to Fight AIDS in S. Africa
Carlos Santana
Carlos Santana will donate all proceeds from his entire 2003 North American tour to Artists for a New South Africa (ANSA), which raises funds to fight AIDS. The tour kicks off June 11 in Atlanta and runs through a July 14 show in Los Angeles. Angelique Kidjo will open all dates.
While the non-profit group's dedication is to "furthering democracy and equality in South Africa and civil rights in the U.S.," in recent years, ANSA has focused on the AIDS crisis. Its projects include South African tours to promote prevention, treatment, and destigmatization, shipping medical supplies to clinics and hospitals, and funding local groups on the frontlines of the epidemic.
Originally called Artists for a Free South Africa, ANSA was founded in 1989 by actors Alfre Woodard, Blair Underwood, Danny Glover, Mary Steenburgen, CCH Pounder, and Robert Guillaume, among others.
On Saturday (May 17), Santana will play a brief set as part of the annual KIIS-FM Los Angeles Wango Tango event at Pasadena's Rose Bowl. At the conclusion of the North American leg of the tour, he and his band will kick off a month-long European tour Aug. 27 in Helsinki. A five-date Japanese tour is laid out for November.
Here are Santana's North American tour dates:
May 17: Pasadena, Calif. (Rose Bowl)
June 11: Atlanta (HiFi Buys Amphitheater)
June 13: Raleigh, N.C. (Alltel Pavilion @ Walnut Creek)
June 14: Bristow, Va. (Nissan Pavilion)
June 15: Burgettstown, Pa. (Post-Gazette Pavilion @Star Lake)
June 17: Hartford, Conn. (ctnow.com Meadows Music)
June 18: Holmdel, N.J. (PNC Bank Arts Center)
June 20-21: Wantagh, N.Y. (Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater)
June 22: Saratoga Springs, N.Y. (Saratoga Performing Arts Center)
June 24: Camden, N.J. (Tweeter Center at the Waterfront)
June 25: Mansfield, Mass. (Tweeter Center)
June 27: Scranton, Pa. (Montage Mountain Amphitheater)
June 28: Darien Center, N.Y. (Darien Lake Six Flags PAC)
June 29: Toronto (Molson Amphitheater)
July 1: Clarkston, Mich. (DTE Energy Music Theater)
July 2: Columbus, Ohio (Germain Amphitheater)
July 4: Milwaukee (Marcus Amphitheater)
July 5: Tinley Park, Ill. (Tweeter Center)
July 6: Maryland Heights, Mo. (UMB Bank Pavilion)
July 8: Englewood, Colo. (Fiddler's Green Amphitheater)
July 11: Concord, Calif. (Chronicle Pavilion @ Concord)
July 12: Mountain View, Calif. (Shoreline Amphitheater)
July 13: Chula Vista, Calif. (Coors Amphitheater)
July 14: Los Angeles (Hollywood Bowl)
Carlos Santana
Settle Competing Suits
Britney Spears & Skechers
Lawyers for Britney Spears and the Skechers footwear company have settled competing federal lawsuits over a deal for the pop star to market a line of roller skates and accessories, court documents state.
Terms of the settlement were not disclosed.
The settlement was disclosed in documents filed May 8 in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles.
Britney Spears & Skechers
17-Year-Old Goldfish Won't Be Flushed
Dick
The 17-year-old goldfish, whose illness prompted letters of sympathy worldwide, died Tuesday following the morning rush at his home, Sky Port Restaurant near Schenectady.
The 20-centimetre goldfish fell ill in November and could no longer swim, prompting diner customers to invent a fish sling — made of fishing bobbers, drinking straws, gauze and string — to keep him swimming.
The three sisters who own the diner had been hand-feeding Dick a diet of cooked peas three times a day. A customer's daughter, a veterinarian student, prescribed the diet after determining that Dick most likely had a swim-bladder disease, said Patty Sherman, one of the sisters. She received the fish as a Christmas gift 16 years ago.
The sisters shrouded Dick's aquarium with a beach towel. They plan to cremate Dick and place his ashes in a miniature goldfish bowl, to be displayed at the diner.
"We're not 'flush' people," Ms. Parker told the Albany Times Union. "Even at home, I don't flush any of my fish. I have a place I call 'Golden Gills.' It's part of the flower garden."
Dick
Sour on Owning Sports Teams
Media Giants
For the Walt Disney Co., owning two professional sports teams playing just down the street from Disneyland seemed to make good sense in the 1990s.
The buzzword then was synergy, and the entertainment giant figured baseball's Angels and hockey's Mighty Ducks could provide key programming for its proposed sports network, ESPN West, while spawning profitable film, TV and theme park tie-ins.
Other media giants like News Corp. and AOL saw similar opportunities. News Corp., parent company of Fox, bought the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1997 for a then-record $311 million. AOL picked up baseball's Braves, hockey's Thrashers and basketball's Hawks, all in Atlanta, when it acquired Turner Broadcasting as part of its merger with Time Warner in 2001.
But when the economy soured, corporate investors clamored for quick profits, and executives found that owning sports teams required too much time and money.
Now, all those teams are back on the block.
Sports teams require all the executive attention of a huge business that can add millions to the bottom line. But even in the best of times, the profits of a sports franchise are relatively small, said Marc Ganis, a sports industry consultant based in Chicago.
"The Dodgers are at most a $150 million business. One big movie can make that," Ganis said.
For a lot more, Media Giants
A Cascade Of Cows
Marin County
A dozen Holstein cows grazing near Skywalker Ranch in Marin County apparently got spooked and ran off a 50-foot cliff, according to authorities.
Motorists on Lucas Valley Road saw the cows cascade over the hilltop at about 11 a.m. Wednesday, said Marin County Sheriff's Sgt. Doug Pittman.
Some of the cows tumbled end-over-end as they slid down the slate and gravel cliff, witnesses told sheriff's deputies.
It was unclear what caused the stampede, but the young heifers were likely scared by something, said John Reese, a spokesman for the Marin Humane Society.
Marin County
Bititi, who was born on Mother's Day, walks around with her mother, Twiga, in the Oakland Zoo in Oakland, Calif., Wednesday, May 14, 2003. Bititi, which means 'Strong Lady' in Swahili, measured 5 feet, 9 inches and weighed in at about 175 pounds at birth. Bititi was the third calf born to Twiga.
Photo by Paul Sakuma
'Ark of Darkness'
"The Ark of Darkness", a Political/Science-Fiction work, in tidy, weekly installments (and updated every Friday).
'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
