Bartcop Entertainment - Sunday, 24 March, 2002

Sunday

24 March, 2002

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

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Rain In The Forecast?

How To Bag An Oscar

Terry O'Toole pulls a plastic bag over a large Oscar statue to protect it from the rain as preparations continue, Saturday, March 23, 2002 in Los Angeles for the Academy Awards. Photo by Laura Rauch

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How About Some Oscar Fever?

TONIGHT!

Your last chance to win some chocolate!

Here's the deal:

The Oscars, categories are: (1) Supporting Actor & Actress, (2) Best Actor & Actress, (3) Director, (4) Picture - AND - (5) 'Who will give the most embarrassing speech'?

Have had a few questions as to what constitutes 'the most embarrassing' Oscar acceptance speech. Going to use the 'Sally Field - Gwenyth Paltrow Scale'. It'll be that one speech that makes you wince, go 'huh?', or resides in the realm of creeped out.

Scroll down for a listing of Oscar nominees.

Make your selections & then e-mail it to BartCopEMarty@aol.com. This is the only address that will work for this contest. This is NOT Chicago, so vote early, but don't vote often.

Now, for the prize!.
(Hot damn!)

The Winner of the Oscar prize, will, thanks to BartCop, receive a pound of

South's Finest Chocolate



The Oscar contest closes at 5pm (pst) today, Sunday, March 24, 2002.


Big thanks to BartCop for the idea and the chocolate & Buzzcook for the Tie Breaking Category.

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BartCopE! Exclusive

The Razzies

By Joe Bacon

Tom Green holds a basket full of Razzies. Photo by John Hayes

Here’s my report to you on the 22nd Annual RAZZIE Awards!

First, my buddy (WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS) forgot that he was to go with me and take pictures, so I apologize for that. If anyone would like to go with me to next year’s show, please be more reliable and bring a camera!

I arrived at Magicopolis at 11 AM—Already there was a MASSIVE crowd outside the theater. The Question on EVERYONE’S lips--”Will he show?, Will HISTORY be made?”

Mark this day on your calendars O Cravers of Cheese—Rank this day, March 23rd 2002 the same way you worship September 13th, 1999—the Day Martin Landau blew the Moon out of Earth’s Orbit! History WAS made today because precisely at 11:22 AM, an Edsel pulled up in front of Magicopolis. Out of this most appropriate automobile came—TOM GREEN, making history as being the first ON-SCREEN CELEBRITY to ever attend the RAZZIE Awards!

The presentation started precisely at 11:30. It had to because the Abracadabra Theater was booked for a birthday party at 12:30.

This Crie de cheese opened with Miss Kelie Mc Iver taking the stage to sing “HOORAY for WHAT’s NO GOOD”. This lady could have easily stepped into the role of Sally Bowes and taught Liza Minelli (Winner of THAT OTHER AWARD) a few things in the art of being a chanteuse.

I hope I have transcribed the lyrics accurately. This is sung to the tune of “Hooray for Hollywood” and that Parody Lyrics were written by the HEAD RAZZ HIMSELF—John Wilson:

Hoo-ray for WHAT’S NO GOOD.
The VERY WORST OUTPUT of HOLLYWOOD,
The films the Critics EVERYWHERE berated,
The Public HATED,
And NO ONE dared to DEFEND,
The ones so ROTTEN they’d be FORGOTTEN,
If we didn’t give them a RAZZ, my friend...

Hoo-ray for WHAT’S NO GOOD,
The movies in line for which NO ONE STOOD,
Let’s hear it for the dogs no one remembers,
But RAZZIE MEMBERS—the only people who should!
Today we’ll share some laughs, point out some gaffes,
Hooray for WHAT’S NO GOOD!

Hooray for WHAT’S NO GOOD
The crap they crank out of Hollywood!
There’s “Driven”, “Glitter”, “Graceland” and “Pearl Harbor”,
With which great ardour, the critics roundly attacked,
There’s “FREDDY GOT FINGERED”, whose odor lingered,
And Mariah Carey who can’t act!

Hooray for WHAT’S NO GOOD,
The flicks that bombed in each neighborhood,
The kind of movies everyone despises
That don’t win prizes—unless we RAZZ them but good!
Today, they’re out of luck, we’re here to say they suck!!
HOORAY FOR WHAT’S NO GOOD!

The crowd was brought to their feet by this perky little number. I’d bet a metric ton of South’s Finest Chocolate that this uplifting ode to utter mediocrity is long remembered after the typically stilted symphony that starts off THAT OTHER AWARD SHOW tomorrow.

With that The Awards were started. Everyone in the theater was wondering if we would see more history made today Could Tom Green break the all time record held by Battlefield Earth winning 7 of 9 RAZZIES??

The first award up was Worst Screenplay, won by TOM GREEN he's 1 for 1. The crowd went wild as a Tuxedoed Tom trotted to take his Turkey Trophy. As the Goateed Gremlin took the platform, the crowd went totally silent. They wanted to know what high histronics would be projected from his golden lips. Tom knew this was the moment to Stand and Deliver (we all know deliver is near de stomach on this)...

Total silence. You could hear a Glitter DVD drop...

Tom Speaks and says...”I wasn’t expecting this.” . He broke down and cried and then said, “I wanted you to see what this means to me so I wore the same Tux here as I did on my wedding day.” This brought forth a Massive Standing Ovation. Tom probably felt like Chimpy delivering the State of the Union message. Unlike Chimpy, Tom knew when to shut up and slink back to his seat.

The next award—Worst Remake or Sequel, was next. This is where the audience was shocked. Going into the ceremony, the buzz was that Paul Hogan’s “CROCK”-a-”DULL” Dundee in LA appeared to be the favorite. The envelope was opened and the shocked presenter awarder the RAZZIE to...PLANET OF THE APES!

Damn, if we knew the Apes won, we would have invited Trent Lott to accept it. Fortunately for us, Congress was still in session.

The next award up was Worst Supporting Actress—We expected that Tom would continue his losing streak since 2 of the nominees (his ex, Drew Barrymore and Julie Haggerty) were nominated. Sadly, the split the Freddy votes and the upset continued with the RAZZIE going to Estella Warren for Planet of the Apes (Yes she was nominated for DRIVEN, too, but who cares about a Stallone flick?). After the winner was announced, Tom yelled “COUNT THE CHADS—DREW WON—I DEMAND A RECOUNT—HELP ME SCALIA!”

Score so far—Tommy 1 and Apes 2. I looked at Tommy and I didn’t even need to engage in a Vulcan Mind-meld to tell that depression was setting in—the record had eluded his grasp.

The next award was Worst Screen Couple—everyone knew it boiled down to a race between Mariah Carey’s Cleavage and Tommy playing with his animals. Would Tommy fearlessly face more humiliation as RAZZIE voters rebelled? WOULD RAZZIE voters call Tommy a boob and embrace Mariah’s cleavage?

No, that was not to be. Tommy copped his 2nd Razzie. As he approached the stage again, a clip from “Freddy” was shown. The clip showed Tommy “Moo”sterbating a cow. The crowd once again got wild. The person next to me was so hurt that Mariah lost, she began to sing “Thanks for the Mammaries”...

Score —Tommy 2, Apes 2

Now came the tacky trophy for Worst Supporting Actor. Could Tommy go to 3 since Rip Torn was nominated? Rip put his heart and soul into his performance. Who else would take a hot milky elephant load in their face—okay, someone’s saying pink tutu Democrats...well, then, who would drop their pants, shake their glutes and beg to do the Village People Thing? OK—somebody blurted out Andy Sullivan...Well, There was a lot of buzz that Sylvester Stallone could get a record-breaking 10th RAZZIE for Driven, here. The crowd went wild when, in an upset, the electorate chose Charlton Heston for Planet of the Apes. We knew Mr. Heston would not choose to attend, since a sign outside the theater plainly stated that you had to disarm yourself before entering the theater. A box was provided for disarming. Inside were a lot of copies of  Battlefield Earth, Glitter and Can’t Stop The Music...

Score—Tommy 2, Apes 3

Tommy looked further depressed. He had his face buried in his hands as the Worst Director trophy nominations were announced. Sadness turned to joy as Tommy won his 3rd RAZZIE. Tommy was speechless, so he stood up and bowed. We had to hurry things up, so we forced him back into his seat.

Now came the award for Worst Actress. If there was any sure lock this year, even Miss Cleo could have told you that winner would be Mariah Carey. And it was. A clip of Kitty “Glitter” was shown where a music video is being shot. A lot of glitter is flittering down. The director yells “STOP” and says “LESS GLITTER—MORE CLEAVAGE”. Wow, this was Method Acting at it’s FINEST! The crowd was disappointed that Mariah didn’t show up. Several members of the audience thought she was still in the “institution”. Please let us know. Me—I work for Social Security. I know it’s only a matter of time before she calls to file for disability. All she has to do is submit the Glitter DVD, and we’ll pay her...

The tension was building as the awards raced to the end of the presentation. Next up was Worst Actor. Tom was extremely relieved to find out he won another RAZZIE. This time he didn’t get out of his chair. But, that was to change.

The final Award, WORST PICTURE  was presented by a gentleman dressed as Bette Davis in an Homage to “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”. He tried to impersonate Bette, but his divining signals were clearly crossed, since he acted more like Divine from Pink Flamingos. Baby Bette Divine was joined by Joan Crawford as Blanche in a wheelchair. Baby Divine then proceeded to attack Joan with wire coathangers. Joan then threw a rat out of her wheelchair. Attached to the rat was the envelope for WORST PICTURE. The winner was Freddy got Fingered. Tom Green then took the stage and began to blow...no he did NOT do that to an animal, he did it to a harmonica, blowing the Hallelujah Chorus while Baby Divine tap danced.

The Hour of Humility drew to a close as the presenters had to pull Tom Green off the stage.


Grand Total

Tommy 5

Planet of the Apes 3

Mariah 1


You, too can be a part of this insanity. Go to Golden Raspberry Award Foundation to see how you can join the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation.

You can also join the Hastings Bad Cinema Society and vote for the Stinker Awards at Hastings Bad Cinema Society

Seriously—if you are ever in Santa Monica, please visit Magicopolis. They perform wonderful magic shows daily and stunning matinees on weekends. The magicians are INCREDIBLE and I had a very good time at their shows. You can call them at 310-451-2241 for reservations/information.


Fabulous job, Joe! Thanks a million.

(BTW, is your unnamed pal named Virgil?)

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The Envelope, Please

The Winner Of Our RAZZIE Contest

The winner of the 'Fargo' snowdome in our Razzie contest is Sam Hill.

WTG, Sam! (Expect an e-mail for mailing instructions)

And, thanks to everyone who took the time to enter.

Scroll down for much more Razzies, and a BartCopE Exclusive!

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From 'TBH Politoons'

Great Site!

Click Here!


Thanks, again, Tim!

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Day had it's fair share of basketball. Thankfully, tomorrow night will bring the 'Final 4'.

Didn't get to watch that much TV, but, it was still on in the background.



Today, Sunday is the 'Oscars'. E! gets their festivities underway at noon (est)/9am (pst)! Locally, in LA, KTLA starts at 3 pm. KABC starts their coverage at 3:30pm. The big show starts at 8pm (est)/5pm (pst).

CBS starts the evening with '60 Minutes', then a movie, 'Executive Decision'.

NBC has an NBA game that intrudes into primetime, so expect about an hour of local programming & then 2 reruns of 'Fear Factor'.

The WB shows 3 episodes of 'No Boundaries'.

Faux dumps the usual line-up for the movie, 'Independence Day'.

UPN has the weekly rerun of 'Enterprise' followed by a fresh 'Tracker'.

TCM has Howard Hughes' favorite movie, 'Ice Station Zebra'.



Anyone have any opinions?

Or reviews?



(See below for addresses)

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Reader Reading Suggestion

'That' Columnist

From JD

Members of the California congressional delegation raised their eyebrows as high as Ann Coulter's miniskirts recently when the conservative columnist wrote an attack piece about Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta.

Saying the former San Jose mayor and congressman is "burning for hatred with America," Coulter criticized him for refusing to let airport security officials target Arabs and Muslims for inspection.

The son of Japanese Americans held in camps during World War II, Mineta has taken a hard stand against ethnic profiling.

That apparently didn't please Coulter, who has opined in favor of added scrutiny of Arabs. In her column, Coulter wrote that she is sick of hearing Mineta recount the day he and his family boarded the train in San Jose for an internment camp and a military guard confiscated his baseball bat.

"Good God!" Coulter wrote, "A guard took Mineta's baseball bat as a child, and as a result he's subjecting all of America to the Bataan Death March! Someone please give him a baseball bat."

There's more if you have the stomach - Ann Coulter

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The Traditional Version

The Razzies, Part 2

Tom Green holds three of the five Razzies that he won. Photo by John Hayes

Throw out the envelope, please. Tom Green is Tinseltown's top turkey.

Comedian Green and his big screen debut "Freddy Got Fingered" were panned as the worst of the merely bad at the 22nd Annual Razzie Awards, given to Hollywood's most dubious achievements on the eve of its biggest night.

Green, who starred in "Freddy" as a thirtyish, basement-dwelling slacker who dreams of Hollywood fame, was picked as worst actor, co-credited for the worst script and as half of the worst screen couple for his various on-screen encounters with animals.

In a movie that challenged critics to find synonyms for witless and offensive, those included him drinking from a cow's udder, cavorting inside the bloody carcass of a deer and sexually servicing both a horse and an elephant.

In all, "Freddy" took five gold-spray-painted Razzie Awards, first launched in 1980 as a "derby of dishonor" and a parody of "that other award show," the Academy awards, which takes place on Sunday night in Hollywood.

Mariah Carey was named worst actress for the box-office disaster "Glitter," taking 60 percent of the votes cast by Golden Raspberry Award Foundation members, and beating back a challenge from a field that included Penelope Cruz ("Blow"), Angelina Jolie ("Lara Croft: Tomb Raider"), Jennifer Lopez ("Angel Eyes") and Charlize Theron ("Sweet November").

The rest of the annual Razzies was pure monkey business as "Planet of the Apes" took a bow for worst remake or sequel and for featuring two other worst-of-class performances by Charlton Heston and Estella Warren.

Heston, who starred in the original 1968 science-fiction classic, was named worst-supporting actor for his ironic return appearance in Tim Burton's remake, this time as the old ape who curses the ancient humans.

Warren, a synchronized swimmer, turned model, turned actress, was picked for her supporting work in "Planet of the Apes," where she played the human love interest, and her role in Sylvester Stallone's "Driven."

The latter role was honored by Razzie organizers as "the character equivalent of a hood ornament ... in (a) formulaic Formula One drama."

The Razzies, Part 2

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A Little Different Spin

The Razzies, Part 3

Tom Green is dragged off stage by cast members while performing a harmonica solo. Photo by John Hayes

Tom Green needs all five fingers to count the number of movie booby-prizes he received for "Freddy Got Fingered."

His much-reviled comedy was named worst picture of last year on Saturday at the Golden Raspberry Awards, an annual spoof held on the eve of the Academy Awards.

Green also was chosen as worst actor and director for "Freddy Got Fingered," shared the worst screenplay award with co-writer Derek Harvie and was cited for worst screen couple - "Tom Green and any animal he abuses."

Razzies founder John Wilson said the awards cost $4.79 each and that he "made them the other day on my patio."

"I'd just like to say to all the other nominees in the audience, I don't think that I deserve it anymore than the rest of you," Green said as he accepted the worst picture award. "I'd like to say that, I don't think that it would be true though." Green, dressed in a tuxedo, rode up in a 1960-era luxury car, stepped out of the back and then rolled a length of cheap red carpet to walk on as he entered The Magic Shop, whose small theater was the site of the awards.

Mariah Carey was dishonored as worst actress for "Glitter." The singer's cleavage also had been nominated for worst screen couple, running second in that category to Green, whose antics included a lewd act involving a horse.

For worst picture, "Freddy Got Fingered" handily out-polled Sylvester Stallone's "Driven," Carey's "Glitter," the war epic "Pearl Harbor" and Kevin Costner's "3000 Miles to Graceland," Wilson said.

Green "set out to make something stupid and offensive. It's got bestiality, incest, child abuse. Uggh," Wilson said. "If it is an intentionally bad movie, it is the 'Citizen Kane' of intentionally bad movies."

Other Razzies "winners":

- Worst supporting actor: Charlton Heston, "Cats & Dogs," "Planet of the Apes" and "Town & Country."

- Worst supporting actress: Estella Warren, "Driven" and "Planet of the Apes."

- Worst remake or sequel: "Planet of the Apes."

The Razzies, Part 3

Razzies.com

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Liberal Radio !

Erin Hart



Liberal radio - what a concept!

Join Erin Hart at regulation time (9 pm to 1 am [pst] Sat & Sun ) on www.710kiro.com or www.kiro710.com (It's a browser thing).

And there's a chatroom, too!

For more details, visit Erin's fan page (courtesy of 14Dem), http://www.erinistas.com/, or to join her mailing list, drop a note to erinistas@aol.com

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Heading To Hollywood

Janet Reno

Janet Reno is headed to Hollywood.

The former attorney general is booked for NBC's "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno on Tuesday, capping off fund-raisers in three California cities to build her campaign war chest for Florida governor.

Reno spokeswoman Nicole Harburger said the candidate will also be the guest of pop star Elton John at his swank, post-Academy Awards party Sunday in Los Angeles.

She'll wrap up the trip with a Tuesday afternoon taping of the "Tonight Show" where she will appear with actress Jodie Foster.

Janet Reno

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Ashes Entombed At Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame

Alan Freed

The late, legendary disc jockey Alan Freed has been enshrined at the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame — literally.

A brass urn containing Freed's ashes have been sealed in an undisclosed wall at the rock hall.

Freed, who died in 1965 at age 43, popularized the term "rock 'n' roll," and Cleveland staked its claim to the rock hall on his legacy.

His remains had been interred at a mausoleum in Hartsdale, N.Y. Freed's four children and third wife approved the move.

"I'm sure some people will find it unusual and others might find it morbid," said Terry Stewart, rock hall president and chief executive. "It's certainly appropriate in a rock 'n' roll sense to have his final resting place here."

The ashes were delivered Wednesday, and a brief service was held Thursday, the 50th anniversary of his Moondog Coronation Ball at the old Cleveland Arena, an event widely regarded as the first rock concert.

Freed was part of the first class of rock hall inductees in 1986.

Alan Freed

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IFP/West Independent Spirit Awards Host

John Waters

Patty Hearst & John Waters

Film director John Waters, master of ceremonies for the 17th annual IFP/West Independent Spirit Awards, arrives for the event with Patricia Hearst in Santa Monica, Calif., Saturday, March 23, 2002.
Photo by Chris Pizzello

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IFP/West Independent Spirit Award Winner

Steve Buscemi

Steve Buscemi

Actor Steve Buscemi holds the award for best supporting male during ceremonies at the IFP/West Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica, California, March 23, 2002. Buscemi won the award for his role in the film "Ghost World".
Photo by Win Mcnamee

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Very Pricey Chocolate

Prince Charles

Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, is selling his own brand of luxury chocolate Easter eggs, the Mirror reported on Saturday.

The prince's organic chocolate confections have gone on sale at London's swanky Fortnum & Mason's grocery store for $43 each.

The 14 oz. eggs, made from dark Belgian chocolate, are being sold by the prince's natural food company, Duchy Originals, with all proceeds going to charity.

The Easter sweets, made for Duchy Originals in London and each embossed with the prince's crest, will also be sold over the Internet.

"This is a luxury egg for serious chocoholics," Duchy Originals spokeswoman Fiona Gately told the Mirror.

"It's made with 70 percent rich dark chocolate and has a distinctive flavor," she said.

Prince Charles

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New Internet Worm

Clinton Cartoon

An Internet worm, disguised as a screensaving cartoon of former U.S. President Bill Clinton playing the saxophone, that can delete files and slow network connections is spreading, antivirus software vendors say.

The worm, dubbed "MyLife.b," was rated a medium risk because of its demonstrated ability to lure users to open it and the way it tries to delete files, said April Goostree, virus research manager at McAfee.com.

It affects Microsoft Outlook users. However, the Outlook E-mail Security Update, downloadable for Office 2000 and 98 users and included in Outlook 2002, blocks executable attachments, Microsoft said.

The worm is embedded in an executable file in the attachment that comes with an e-mail with the subject line "bill caricature."

The e-mail also attempts to mislead people into thinking it has been scanned by an antivirus vendor and found to be safe. In the body of the e-mail is the message "No Viruse Found" (sic) and "MCAFEE.COM." However, Goostree said anti-virus messages are never delivered to customers that way.

Once the attachment is opened, the worm drops a copy of itself in the computers' system folder and if the computer is rebooted between the hours of 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. it will try to delete all files on the C, D, E and F drives and certain files in the Windows system directory, according to Goostree.

A Clinton Cartoon To Avoid

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My Guesses

Best Supporting Actor - Ian McKellen
Best Supporting Actress - Helen Mirren
Best Actor - Tom Wilkinson
Best Actress - Halle Berry
Best Director - Ron Howard
Best Picture - In The Bedroom

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Oscar Nominees

2002

Oscar Nominees

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In Memory

William Scholl

William Scholl, who made foot care fashionable during the 1960s and '70s with a contoured wooden sandal designed to exercise the muscles, has died at age 81.

Scholl died March 15 from a rare form of pneumonia at a hospice in Douglas on the Isle of Man, an island off the northwest coast of England, said his wife, Susan. He was a dual citizen of Britain and the United States.

Scholl's "Original Exercise Sandal" — known as Dr. Scholl's, the name of his family's foot care company — was worn for nearly two decades by millions of women worldwide.

An orthopedic specialist, Scholl came across a simple wooden sandal during a trip to Germany in the 1950s. He carved it to fit the foot, added a leather strap across the toes and sold it in the United States with the slogan, "Looking good and doing you good."

The clog — still being produced and sold — was designed to exercise the feet and legs, toning muscles and ostensibly preventing podiatric ailments. The touted health benefits, the sassy clip-clop sound and the simplicity of the style charmed the hippie generation.

"The miniskirt was in and the sandal just appealed to them," his widow said.

Scholl was born in London on Sept. 24, 1920, the third son of Frank Scholl. He majored in modern languages at Cambridge University and used his language skills as an intelligence officer in World War II, interrogating German and Japanese prisoners of war.

He then returned to the family shoe business begun by his uncle, an American physician who began selling podiatrists' equipment in 1906.

Scholl took Dr. Scholl's public in 1971, and it became a brand of Schering-Plough Health Care Products in 1979. He became president of Schering-Plough's international consumer products division and worked for the company until his retirement in 1984.

He is survived by his wife; their daughter, Lucy Jane; and the children of his first marriage: Michael, of Berkshire, England; Paul, of Redding, Conn.; Peter, of Devon, England; Tony, of Cambridge, England; and Mary, of Gloucester, England.

His funeral service is scheduled for March 26 at St. George's Church in Douglas, followed by a private cremation.

William Scholl

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BartCop TV!

BC TV

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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

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Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop

A New Look & Even More Information!

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BartCop Astrology


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Welcome !


You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.

Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, amused or entertained?

Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
A picture of yourself clad only in panties and sitting on Forrest Sawyer's lap?
This is your place.

Send it to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )

Don't send it to BC....



Or send it to this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )

Please, don't send it to BC!



Or send it to this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )
Please, Do NOT send it to BC!


You can even send it to this Marty
( Marty@suprmchaos.com )


Thank you

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