Bartcop Entertainment - Saturday, 15 December, 2001

(BartCop Entertainment)

Saturday

15 December, 2001

big hammer - bigger hammer

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The Osama Tapes

by Michael Dare


The Osama Tapes

 
Selections from Osama bin Laden's recent videotape, translated from Arabic into English, English to Swahili, Swahili to Chinese, and from Chinese back into English.
 
Osama enters...
 
Man in beard: Salutations and grommet sacks to all who taking relaxed positions of settlers in kugel.
 
Osama: A  pumpkin and a gefilte fish were on their way to heaven when they were stopped by six dwarves who demanded they hand over their ethnicity, pray zallah.
 
Other Man in Beard: Braise challah, and the one with the hangnail shall be smitten till he isn't. 
 
Man in beard: And so it was said, freeze Walla.
 
Other Man in Beard: And again, prey solo.
 
Omar: But there was the thing, with the noise and the pushing,
 
Osama: It is said that when a camel walks into a bar, what does the bartender say?
 
Omar. Such a long face, Troy Donahue.
 
Man in Beard: And the asking how you do that, with the hands and stuff, the fornicators of trepidation take delight in.
 
Osama: But then with the fooling and the thing with the stuff on top, whose youth was blooming with chariots? When the penis of a camel can pass through the eye of a needle, it's time for that needle to wink, pray Zoltar.
 
Man in Beard: Play Mozart, it was so, and was so again.
 
Omar: Well well, ingrate salad, poodle in sanctuary. Nothing to me.
 
Osama: Twas ever thus, pureed llama, Ramadan doobie clusters in the raging infestation of your nicotine patch.
 
Man in Beard: And boy was it fun. You could fondle weathering hamstrings whenever silent partner conniption fit involved sanctuary.
 
Osama: Sanctuary. Sanctuary much.
 
For the complete transcript, send $500,000 to...
 
The road with the rocks and stuff
about the middle
right about here, up the bazooka, 92282
 
 
http://home.earthlink.net/~dare2b There is no way to unsubscribe to Darenet other than repeating HIS name 1,000 times and praying for the worst. Sure, you can send a blank email to " Darenet-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com" but HE'LL know and you'll pay someday. Your only choice is to sneak behind his back and go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/darenet, log on, and remove yourself. You're three clicks away from going to a special hell reserved for all those who Dare unsubscribe.


Many thanks to Michael Dare!

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Nostalgia ruled, and started the evening with the 'real' 'Grinch'. Stayed with the WB for 'Maybe It's Me', where 'Mom' (Julia Sweeney) became the 'Lunch-Lady'.

NBC's 'Dateline' was on, but can't remember why.

Ended up watching lots of local 'news'.



Tonight, Saturday, CBS repeats 'The Story Of Santa Claus', and then has fresh episodes of 'Touched By An Angel', and 'The District'.

NBC has 'Sports Illustrated's Night Of Champions' followed by the ?th repeat of 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'.

ABC throws away the evening with figure skating.

The WB has a 'Soul Train Christmas Starfest', with lots of good music.

Over at faux, there's a fresh 'Cops', followed by a rerun, and then Bill O'Really's contractually-guaranteed first of 4 'specials'. 'Mad TV' is also fresh.

'Saturday Night Live' (which is fresh) is hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, and has Rudy Guiliani, too.



Anyone have any opinions?

Or reviews?



(See below for addresses)

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Elton John's AIDs Foundation Fundraiser

''20 Years Of AIDs''

Jon Bon Jovi & Elton John - 12/12/01

Now that he's a knight of the realm, it's not too much of a stretch to view the benefit concert for Sir Elton John's AIDS Foundation as a kind of royal summit: Some of the biggest names in pop (Sting, Bon Jovi, Leann Rimes, Matchbox Twenty), along with a few worthy newcomers (Pete Yorn, Alicia Keys, Rufus Wainwright, Craig David), answering the call to help his charity.

Add appearances by Jeffrey Katzenberg, John's erstwhile collaborator Bernie Taupin and Elizabeth Taylor, and you have the makings of a memorably star-studded evening -- one that raised over a million dollars.

With the bands playing on a revolving stage, the show moved along briskly, without any superstar egos, the performers delivering hit-filled 20 minute sets. Sting started off the night in crowd-pleasing fashion. Performed by a nine piece band, ``If You Love Somebody Set Them Free'' and ``Fields of Gold'' sounded brighter and less self-important than in the past. His only miscue was a rushed ``Every Breath You Take,'' which came off like an ill-advised dance remix.

Wearing a Stetson and cowboy boots, Jon Bon Jovi, joined with Richie Sambora in a suede duster, looked like he was ready to play the Grand Ole Opry. Backed by a bassist, conga player and fiddler, his set had a pleasingly rustic quality. ``Livin' on a Prayer'' could be renamed ``Livin' on a Prairie,'' and his cover of John Lennon's ``Imagine'' had a pretty lilt, but nothing could save the overblown power ballad ``Dead or Alive.''

John's entrance was surprisingly modest -- he simply walked onstage, sat at his piano and thanked everyone for coming. But his hourlong set was an energetic run-though of some of his biggest hits, with a sampling from his new album ``Songs From the West Coast'' (Rocket/MCA), which is a welcome return to form. ``Philadelphia Freedom,'' ``Bennie and the Jets'' and ``Take Me to the Pilot'' proved he is still a joyfully high-spirited performer. Rufus Wainwright joined him for the Matthew Shepard tribute ``American Triangle,'' and Bon Jovi playfully took the stage for ``Levon'' and ``The Bitch Is Back,'' the latter a rousing finale to a three-hour evening that was as successful musically as it was charitably.

Presented by the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Performers: Sting, Craig David, Leann Rimes, Rufus Wainwright, Pete Yorn, Alicia Keys, Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora, Matchbox Twenty, Elton John.

Elton John Foundation's '20 Years Of AIDs' Fundraiser

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New! Updated!

(10 Dec., 2001)

BartCop Astrology

The official BartCop Astrologer, Geneva, has done good, again!

Currently, look at the charts of George Harrison.

Very interesting reading!

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NYC Premiere / Fund Raiser

'Lord Of The Rings'

Gandalf

The hobbits invaded Manhattan last night as "Lord of the Rings" premiered to a star-studded audience at the Ziegfeld.

Gov. Pataki hosted the high-powered gala, which raised $315,000 for the World Trade Center Relief Fund.

Harrison Ford, Glenn Close, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins and Ethan Hawke were on hand for the festivities, which began with a prescreening bash at the Rhiga Royal Hotel.

They were joined by "Rings" stars Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Liv Tyler, John Rhys-Davies and Orlando Bloom.

"Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" - which hits theaters nationwide Wednesday - is the first installment of a $275 million trilogy.

The other installments - "The Two Towers" and "Return of the King" - which were filmed simultaneously with the first, will be released over the next two Christmas seasons.

Also attending the premiere were 200 firefighters and cops. Their $500 tickets were paid for by Neil Hirsch, founder of the Bridgehampton Polo Club and investment banking tycoon Morton Davis.

LOTR Premiere/Fund Raiser In NYC

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Recurring Role On 'Ally McBeal'

Dame Edna

Dame Edna Everage (AKA: Barry Humphries)

``Ally McBeal'' is reaching out to one of show business' most successful cross dressers.

Dame Edna Everage, one of the odder figures in the business, will mesh with the ``McBeal'' cast of beautiful bods next year with a recurring role on the popular Fox television series, a show spokeswoman said.

Details of the deal are still in the works, but the flamboyant Edna, the cross-dressing alter ego of Australian actor Barry Humphries, will reprise a guest role from earlier this season, the spokeswoman said.

In that appearance, Humphries played Claire Otoms, an eccentric woman who was lead plaintiff in a class-action lawsuit against the nation's phone companies over nuisance sales calls.

Here Comes Dame Edna

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Define Naked?

Britney & PETA

Just when you thought Britney Spears and PETA had stopped their catfighting, along comes claims that the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals may not have been so ethical in their treatment of Spears.

The pop thongbird's publicists are fuming at the animal-rights group over a report in the New York Post implying Spears was planning to get nekkid for an anti-fur photo shoot.

It ain't happening. Turns out Spears was just planning to give PETA a regular, clothed photo (which, granted, isn't usually that far from naked). And now, after the media whirlwind, she says she's not going to do anything for the group.

"Notwithstanding the meaningful work that PETA does, we cannot be involved with an organization that would distort the truth," Spears' publicist told Reuters, adding that Britney "still feels strongly about animal rights" and would "find another organization to be involved with."

This isn't the first time PETA and Britney have hissed at each other. In September, the group publicly complained over her use of live cheetahs and a snake during her performance of "I'm a Slave 4 U" at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Britney & PETA

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New Franchise For '$6 Million Man'?

and Kevin Smith?

Steve Austin is back. Not the wrestler, but the fictional hero of the 1970s TV series ``The Six Million Dollar Man.''

The 1972 Martin Caidin novel on which the series was based, ''Cyborg,'' is being developed as a feature by Dimension Films and Universal Pictures.

Universal first began developing the feature in 1995, with writer/director Kevin Smith (''Dogma'') turning in a script. While it's possible Smith could be involved with the newest take on the project, there are no writers' deals in place.

The Universal-Dimension pact also includes rights to the three other novels in Caidin's ``Cyborg'' series: ``Operation Nuke,'' ``High Crystal'' and ``Cyborg IV.''

``'Six Million Dollar Man' is a franchisable film that we have been wanting to make for a long time now,'' Dimension co-chairman Bob Weinstein told Daily Variety. ``We're elated to have worked out a partnership with Universal.''

New Franchise For '$6 Million Man'?

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Benefit For The Hollywood/Sunset Free Clinic

Robert & Elton & Sting & Deborah

Sting

Last year's Silver Lining Benefit, the inaugural event, featured Beck, Aimee Mann and Rufus Wainright, among others, as well as host Robert Downey Jr. at the elegant Paramour, a sprawling Twenties mansion perched high in the hills of Los Angeles' Silver Lake district. Downey returned this year, and he brought a couple of his high-powered friends as headliners: Sting and Elton John.

Perhaps as a result, ticket prices -- $250, $500 and $1000 -- were higher than the previous year, and all 1,750 were sold. VIPs were seated on raised platforms to the left and right of the stage, where they were served a multi-course dinner by star chefs, including Lucque's Suzanne Goin, La Brea Bakery's Nancy Silverton and Border Grill's Mary Sue Milliken; other party goers sat on the lawn in front of the stage and grazed on snacks from celebrated local restaurants Cinnabar, NewsRoom, Vermont and Joseph's Café, and sipped sangiovese and chardonnay from Napa Valley's Phoenix Vineyards.

"I'm here because this is such a great event and a great cause," said Elton, who had performed at an AIDS benefit at the Universal Amphitheater the night before.

"It's a wonderful honor -- and the mother of all challenges to follow Elton John," said Sting as he sat on a stool with his acoustic guitar. Despite a large band featuring three backing vocalists and a pair of keyboardists, Sting kicked off his set with "Until," a new song from the Meg Ryan film Kate & Leopold, backed only by his guitar. As with John's solo set, it lent an intimate feeling to the performance, as if he were playing in someone's living room.

Looking to one of the VIP sections, Sting called out to his wife. "Trudy, darling, where are you? Ah," he said, scanning the tables, "I can see the diamonds from here."

Pulling off his sweater on this very chilly night, Sting revealed his well-muscled arms. As John had before, Sting played a set heavy on favorites, from a frenzied "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" to a spirited, high-energy "Roxanne" pumped up with Latin-style percussion and thumb-slapping bass playing.

"If anybody saw the Osama Bin Laden video today," Sting called out, "nobody could be under any illusion that the guy is anything but an unctuous, fucking prick. Fuck him!" To cheers, Sting then led the swaying crowd in a sing- and dance-along version of "Englishman in New York."

Downey, having switched his suit jacket for a fur-lined denim coat, was brought back out to add his voice to "Every Breath You Take." "Last year I got in to some complicated legal problems and got a lawyer," Sting joked, referring to his appearance with Downey on Ally McBeal.

"Elton and Sting were just the warmup bands," Downey joked near the end of the evening. "You're going to enjoy what you hear. I thought she was so great that we had a kid together," he said, introducing Deborah Falconer, who played a pleasant, if undistinguished set of guitar rock.

Most of the crowd, though, had already begun to head home, as nothing could possibly follow Sting and Elton John in such an intimate setting.

Benefit For The Hollywood/Sunset Free Clinic

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New!

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

In The Kitchen With BartCop

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Newest Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE)

James Galway

James Galway, MBE

More than five decades after he began performing, Belfast-born flutist James Galway went to Buckingham Palace to receive a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II.

The 62-year-old son of a shipyard worker, styled ``the man with the golden flute,'' has sold more than 30 million records of everything from Christmas carols to Celtic melodies and pop numbers.

``It's not bad for a boy from Belfast.''

Galway, who entertained other award winners at the palace with an impromptu tune on the penny whistle, said he thought he was dreaming when the palace informed him that he had been awarded a knighthood - ``but when I came to I was delighted.''

James Galway, MBE

James Galway official Web site


Once of the most entertaining concerts I ever attended was James Galway at the Hollywood Bowl back in the very early 80's. The Penny-Whistle demonstration, alone, was worth the price of admission.

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The Poor Girl Just Can't Win

Britney

Britney Spears can't win in Vegas. Her concert costumes got heisted from MGM Grand's backstage area before her HBO thing. Her party style gets cramped when she tries to get into over-21-years-of-age clubs. Her bodyguards, all the size of SUVs, make her celebrity non grata in restaurants. Now her limousine got towed during a video shoot. A stret-t-tc-c-ch limo, natch. At the Bellagio. Waiting in a no-parking, no-standing, no-idling, no-waiting, no-good zone.

She was at the hotel filming her Billboard Awards job on the dancing fountains. But despite her clout, her fame, her face, her name, her star status and her belly button, her wheels got towed.

Poor Britney

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She's Just A Material Girl

Madonna

Madonna says Londoners are lazy. "I can't believe how people don't like to work," she told msn.com during a live chat the other day. "I'm renovating a house right now and the work week starts at noon on Monday and ends at noon on Friday.

I'm a bit spoiled. I'm used to people in America working 7 days a week. It's highly irritating. They leave work at 5 and there are bank holidays every minute here. When you hire an employee here they remind you that they get four weeks paid vacation."

She's Just A Material Girl

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Still In The Hospital?

Arnold's Ribs

Arnold Schwarzenegger's motorcycle accident in Los Angeles may have left him with more serious injuries than he admitted.

When the story broke Sunday, a rep for the 54-year-old actor said he had sustained "several broken ribs," but was "in good spirits [and] otherwise fine."

A report in Army Archerd's Daily Variety column suggested that Schwarzenegger was back in his Santa Monica production office yesterday doing interviews in connection with the Feb. 8 release of "Collateral Damage." Arnold's rep backed up the item.

But sources insist that "The Terminator" won't be out of the hospital until the weekend.

"I spoke to him [Wednesday]," said the source, "and he was still in the hospital."

Wherever he is, Schwarzenegger missed his production company's annual office party Tuesday night. His wife, Maria Shriver, put in an appearance.

Arnold's Ribs

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No Charges Filed, Yet

Winona Ryder

Winona Ryder's arrest for allegedly shoplifting at a Saks Fifth Avenue boutique is the result of a ``misunderstanding,'' the actress' lawyer said.

``It's a misunderstanding on the part of the store,'' said attorney Mark Geragos, who added that Ryder was merely carrying items between store departments, not trying to steal them. He said she has a valid prescription for the painkillers found in her possession and receipts for the items she allegedly stole.

Gilmond said Ryder may have a prescription for the drugs but was booked because she couldn't immediately produce it. He said store security officers saw her remove security tags from the items, worth $4,760, then place them in her bag and leave the store.

Ryder also has been known for her social activism. In 1993, she offered a $200,000 reward to help find Polly Klaas, who was kidnapped at age 12 from Ryder's hometown of Petaluma, Calif., and later found dead.

Winona Has A Good Lawyer


The part that most interests me is about the drugs. Have had a bit of experience where large quantities of legally prescribed pharmaceuticals have made their way home. Does this mean one can't decant 3 or 4 of whatever it is, and go about their business? The 'Pill Caddy' is illegal? One MUST carry the whole bottle(s)?

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First Jewish Playmate?

Lindsey Vuolo

Playboy's first Jewish Playmate - that we know of - is set to debate "Kosher Sex" author Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Miss November Lindsey Vuolo's rabbi in her Pennsylvania hometown advised her that stripping for the magazine was OK, but Boteach disagrees.

On Wednesday, the pair will debate pornography. "Once people talk to me, they realize I not only had the guts to take my clothes off but I'm intellectually prepared to defend myself," Vuolo tells New York magazine.

Miss November, Lindsey Vuolo

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More Commercials Pitching 'The City So Nice They Named It Twice'

''Come Back to New York''

Now that we've seen those TV commercials showing Woody Allen doing a triple lutz and Henry Kissinger sliding into home plate, we're starting to hear from other celebrities who love New York.

Whoopi Goldberg, Charlie Sheen, Bernadette Peters, David Hasselhoff, chef Daniel Boulud, Fran Drescher, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee have recorded 30-second sound bites for NYC & Company, the city's convention and tourism bureau.

Launched last week, the ''Come Back to New York'' campaign can be heard when a telephone caller to the bureau is put on hold. Instead of ''elevator'' music, callers hear:

Robert Wuhl ("Arliss") — "It doesn't matter if you root for the Mets, the Rangers, the Knicks or the Yankees. Well, okay, maybe it does."

Fran Drescher ("The Nanny") — "You probably can tell from my voice, but I'm a New Yorker. Don't worry, we don't all sound like this. Well, okay, most of us do."

''Come Back to New York''

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MTV & CNN Join Forces

Jason Goes To Afghanistan

MTV and CNN are working together for the first time, however. The cable networks on Friday announced a collaboration, sending MTV ``Street Team'' member Jason Bellini to Afghanistan to interview young people in the war-torn country.

Bellini will pose questions to Afghan youth asked by MTV viewers.

His reports will be shown on MTV's daily news segment at 8:50 p.m. EST and on CNN's ``NewsNight'' show with Aaron Brown at 10 p.m. EST.

CNN has one of the oldest average audiences in television, but has attracted more young viewers since Sept. 11. MTV says its audience has become much more interested in the news over the past three months.

MTV & CNN Join Forces

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''My 3 Sons'' Becomes ''My 3 Daughters''

Chevy Chase

Chevy Chase is going back to his comedy roots, teaming with former ``Saturday Night Live'' boss Lorne Michaels to develop a half-hour comedy for NBC.

Chase will star as a modern-day Fred MacMurray, playing father to three teenage daughters in a twist on the classic 1960s sitcom ``My Three Sons.''

Chase and Michaels are expected to serve as executive producers on the potential series, targeted for fall 2002. The deal for the project is still being hammered out, but NBC is expected to order a script for the concept.

Best known for his ``SNL'' work and feature pictures such as ``Fletch,'' ``Caddyshack'' and the ``Vacation'' series, Chase also hosted a short-lived Fox latenight talk show.

Chevy Chase As Fred MacMurray?

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Updated!

BartCop TV!

BC TV

Visit the site at BC TV

The 'Vidiot' never seems to rest - and doesn't let little things like laundry or housekeeping get in the way!

Damn near every show on TV must is listed - days & days worth of great reading.

If you have any questions about nearly any tv program, check out BC TV!

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Honorary Doctor Of Music

Joe Walsh

Rocker Joe Walsh will receive an honorary doctorate from Kent State University during a commencement ceremony on Saturday.

Kent State spokesman Jim Szatkowski said Walsh's wife contacted the university about the honorary degree, saying Walsh regretted that he never graduated.

Walsh, 54, will receive an honorary doctor of music in recognition of his musical achievement, as well as his involvement in environmental and humanitarian causes.

He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1998 with the Eagles.

'Dr.' Joe Walsh

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Gloria Allred Enters The Fray

George Harrison

Just days after it was learned that George Harrison's death certificate was peppered with misinformation, the camera-friendly Gloria Allred has thrown herself into the fray to, she says, make a point (and if she also winds up on TV, we're guessing that's just a happy coincidence).

Falsifying public records is a misdemeanor crime in California, but someone must make a formal complaint before the Los Angeles County District Attorney can investigate and decide whether to file charges.

According to his death certificate, the 58-year-old Harrison passed away from "metastatic non-small lung cancer" on November 29 at 1:20 p.m. at 1971 Coldwater Canyon in Beverly Hills--an address listed as the residence of Harrison's wife, Olivia. (Olivia's family resides in the L.A. area, but she and Harrison spent most of their time at homes in Europe and Hawaii.)

But that address doesn't exist. Harrison was believed to have died at the home of family friend and noted celebrity security expert Gavin de Becker, the person who broke the news of the death. But de Becker doesn't own any property on Coldwater Canyon. (Sources say Harrison died at a rented home on Laurel Canyon Boulevard in nearby Studio City--a property that de Becker does own).

So why the lie?

The main reason most likely has to do with the family's desire to thwart the inevitable pilgrimages from Beatlemaniacs eager to glimpse the place where the rocker died and prevent it from being another stop on Hollywood's ghoulish celebrity death tours. Olivia Harrison and son Dhani have managed to lay low since the ex-Beatle's death. They've also managed to keep the site of Harrison's ashes a secret--it was reported they would be scattered on the Ganges River in India, but the family never showed.

While Allred says she understands the desire for privacy, she doesn't think messing with public records is the way to go. "Celebrities and/or their supporters are not above the law, even if they are acting with good intention, for example, to protect the privacy of loved ones," said Allred.

Of course, this is not the first mystery involving death in the Beatles family.

Paul McCartney's wife Linda, who died in 1998 of breast cancer at the age of 56, was originally said to have passed away in Santa Barbara, California. It later turned out that the family had fibbed for the purpose of privacy and that she likely died at McCartney's ranch in Arizona.

Gloria Allred Enters The Fray

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Just A Nice Jewish Boy From Queens

Ron Jeremy

Ron Jeremy is sleeping on the job.

Leaning back in a silk brocade chair on the 15th floor of a downtown luxury hotel, the "clown prince of porn" slumbers peacefully, eyes closed, mouth open, generously rounded midsection rising and falling under a Sexhound.com T-shirt.

The interview began promisingly enough with the actor, in town to promote the new documentary "Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy," generously offering to display his famous appendage and enthusiastically fulfilling his duties as semi-official ogler of any woman under the age of 95.

But when the talk turned to the art of acting, the 48-year-old veteran of 1,700 adult films grew sleepy, very sleepy, a perplexing development in light of the fact that in "Porn Star" Jeremy reveals himself as a serious artist dreaming of a career in mainstream film.

"There was a lot of fluff," he says of the documentary, which informs us that Jeremy began his life's journey as a nice Jewish boy from Queens -- Dad is a physicist, Jeremy says, and little bro' graduated from Harvard Business School. The film explores Jeremy's pre-porn life, including a master's degree in special education, but dwells heavily on his fans, his porn-related accomplishments and his physical attributes.

Similarly, he regrets the absence of the late comedian Sam Kinison: "Now Sam would have been in this documentary in two seconds, but he's dead. I mean, Sam would not have hesitated to be in this."

The Always Entertaining Ron Jeremy

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Liberal Radio !

Erin Hart



Liberal radio - what a concept!

Saturday and Sunday 9 p. to 1 a. Pacific Standard at www.710kiro.com or www.kiro710.com (It's a browser thing).

For more details, visit Erin's homepage, http://www.erinistas.com/.

Say 'Hi' to Brian, the Webmaster, and, while you're there, check out his computer tips!

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It's A Family Affair

Bayreuth Festival

The grandson of composer Richard Wagner appears to have won the battle for control of the Bayreuth festival, appointing a longtime friend and supporter to succeed him as director.

Wolfgang Wagner, 82, said 54-year-old Klaus Schultz, currently director of the small state theater on Gartnerplatz in Munich, will take over as interim director of the festival in January.

Singers and musicians have lately been turning their back on Bayreuth, complaining that Wolfgang Wagner is autocratic and offers them only one-year contracts. The board would also like to see someone younger take over the directorship, amid complaints Wagner is too conservative.

Bayreuth Festival

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A Musical Mystery

Is ''The Messiah'' A Strad?

Dr. Henri Grissino-Mayer's expertise is trees, not musical instruments.

But the University of Tennessee professor and his colleagues may have helped prove the authenticity of one of the most celebrated instruments in the world - the rarest Stradivarius violin in existence.

Never used in a performance, not played in a century, this instrument reputedly kept by Italian craftsman Antonio Stradivari until his death in 1737 has become known as "The Messiah."

Housed in the Ashmolean Museum in Oxford, England, the violin is said to be worth $15 million to $20 million. That is, unless it's a copy made after Stradivari's death, which is what Stewart Pollens, conservator of musical instruments at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, alleged in a 1998 report that shook the insular world of art and collecting.

"They took it out of the case, took the strings off, took the bridge off and pretty much stripped it down to just the violin itself and then handed it to me," Grissino-Mayer said.

"I was sitting there thinking - I get excited holding a $100 bill, much less a $20 million violin. Of course, I wore gloves."

While Grissino-Mayer can't say for sure the violin is a Stradivarius, he was impressed. "It is as pristine as if it had just been made by Stradivari," he said.

Is 'The Messiah' A Strad?

Violin Society of America:

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BC Entertainment Favorite Link

Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop

http://geocities.com/mooseandsquirrel1

What a great site! Information and reference materials of the first order!

Between 'Moose & Squirrel' and 'Google', who needs 'refdesk'!

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Another Case Of 'Friendly Fire'?

Glen Miller

On the night of December 15, 1944, American big-band leader Glen Miller, the hottest pop star of the wartime era, left an airbase in southeast England to entertain U.S. troops in Paris. Within minutes, his plane had disappeared in fog, and Miller was never seen again.

Wild theories about his demise sprang up -- from his torture and death at the hands of the Nazis to the less respectful rumor that he had died in the arms of a Paris prostitute and it had all been hushed up.

But a documentary to air on British television claims to have unraveled the mystery: Miller was the victim of ``friendly fire'' -- his single-engine Noorduyn Norseman plane blown out of the sky in a hail of British bombs, the Guardian newspaper reported in its Saturday edition.

Documentary-makers believe that a fleet of 139 Lancaster bombers returning on the fateful night from an abortive mission over Nazi Germany dumped their payloads into the English Channel -- unwittingly raining the bombs onto Miller's plane.

The documentary is to be broadcast on Britain's Channel Four on New Year's Eve.

Glen Miller Mystery Solved?

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No Charges To Be Filed

gary busey

Prosecutors won't file spousal abuse charges against Gary Busey, who was arrested at his home earlier this month after his ex-wife said the actor left her bruised.

Deputy District Attorney Michael Wilson declined Friday to file charges, spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons said.

"We can't prove that a crime occurred. There are no independent witnesses. There is insufficient evidence for a prosecution," Gibbons said, adding an additional factor in the case: "No one knows the whereabouts of the alleged victim."

Busey's ex-wife Tiani called deputies to the home, alleging a confrontation with the actor left her battered. The couple's nearly four-year marriage ended in divorce in June 2000.

Busey is no longer represented by manager Herb Nanas or attorney Arthur Soll, who handled the actor's divorce case and said this week that he didn't know how to reach the actor. Busey has no representation listed with the Screen Actors Guild. Busey and Tiani were married Sept. 23, 1996, about a year after paramedics were called to Busey's Malibu home by his future bride, who said he had collapsed after using cocaine. Authorities filed drug charges, but they were dropped after he enrolled in a drug-rehabilitation program.

gary busey

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More Changes For Ally McBeal

Buh-bye 'Glenn' & 'Jenny'

Rookie ``Ally McBeal'' cast members James Marsden and Julianne Nicholson will exit the Fox comedy in early February.

Marsden, who plays Glenn Foy, and Nicholson, who portrays Jenny Shaw, were signed on this season for 13 episodes each, with an option to extend for an additional nine. The extension was not picked up for either actor. Nicholson may pop up later in the season, however, said a spokeswoman for the show's producer, David E. Kelley Prods. Marsden and Nicholson played former lovers recruited by Ally's law firm.

Upcoming guest appearances scheduled for the remainder of the ``Ally'' season include a nine-episode run with Jon Bon Jovi starting with the Jan. 14 episode, as well as appearances by Jami Gertz and Mariah Carey Jan. 7.

More Changes For Ally McBeal

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Kid Rock Interview

Excerpts

Like the title of his new album, Kid Rock is cocky. When he spoke to The Post, he interrupted questions, slagged bubble-gum pop stars and boasted relentlessly about his own talent and staying power.

AND

Rock, a single dad, is trying to live the simple life in rural Michigan with his son. During this interview, he said he doesn't need much: "You should be comfortable. I have enough now . . . I have more than enough. I'm happy, and I pay my bills."

AND

Rock: I've got no problem with it, or even being a pop act, but if I am, I want to be listed as a credible pop act. An actual musician. I play my instruments. I sing my songs. I wish Radiohead the best, I wish Britney Spears the best, but I just don't get what they're doing. I just don't understand it.

Lengthy Kid Rock Interview

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Lengthy Interview With Michael Jackson

Excerpts

What was billed as a no-holds-barred interview at times entails jousting with two fiercely protective handlers determined to keep the focus on Jackson's artistry, despite earlier assurances by an Epic Records publicist of unfettered access. All topics were declared fair game except ''the pedophilia issue.'' The settlement of a 1993 suit against Jackson, alleging sexual abuse of a 13-year-old boy, forbids parties to discuss details. Jackson vehemently denied allegations at the time and has not addressed it since.

AND

Today is no exception. Onlookers at the Beverly Hills Hotel strain to glimpse Jackson as a path is cleared and he's swiftly ushered into a bungalow, his face concealed under a hat, sunglasses and black surgical mask. He spends 40 minutes ''settling in,'' as Green puts it.

Finally prepared for an audience, Jackson greets his visitor with a handshake, a shy smile and the odd comment about his complexion. The makeup seems confined to his cheeks and jaw line. His eyebrows are darkened and groomed; the deep brown eyelids could be eye shadow or vestiges of his original skin tone. Vitiligo, an autoimmune disorder characterized by loss of skin pigment, has left much of his face and hands pale. His tiny nose is bandaged. He offers no explanation, and questions later about his skin condition are summarily shot down by Green.

Tall and slender, Jackson wears a brown leather jacket, red shirt, pinstripe trousers and his signature white socks with black loafers. Prince, his dark hair bleached blond, is clad in similar footwear and a kiddie police uniform, complete with plastic handcuffs hanging from a belt loop.

AND

Q: But what about your trademark crotch-grabbing moves?

A: I started doing that with Bad. Martin Scorsese directed that short film in the subways of New York. I let the music tell me what to do. I remember him saying, ''That was a great take! I want you to see it.'' So we pushed playback, and I went aaaah! I didn't realize I was doing that. But then everyone else started doing that, and Madonna, too. But it's not sexual at all.


Michael Jackson Interview

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Interview With O'Really

Excerpts

'' My job as a reporter/analyst is to cut through all the propaganda and all the stuff that they put out and get right into the heart of the matter. And to do that you've just got to plow through people because they don't want you to get to the heart of the matter usually. ''

AND

'' AU: Are you going to run against Hillary in 2006? You once said you might.

BO: No. The only way I would do that is if I was just so fed up with television that I didn't want to do it any more and there was nobody else to run against her. I mean, I would hate to see her unopposed.


AU: Isn't that a Hillary doormat under your desk?

BO: Yeah, it's right there. (He stamps his boot on it.) I got a Hillary doormat. I got all kinds of stuff. All the liberal writers make a big deal out of that. But they don't make a big deal out of my other kinds of political memorabilia. It's ridiculous. ''

Put On Your Boots & Grab A Bag...

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Specials Included In New Contract

Number 1

The host of ``The O'Reilly Factor'' is launching a documentary series Saturday with ``In Defense of America,'' a series of stories about military heroes. It airs on Fox at 9 p.m. EST.

Given four prime-time Fox specials as part of his new contract, O'Reilly said he wanted to bring his opinionated take on the news without rehashing what he's doing elsewhere.

His second special is already filmed. Called ``The Corruption of the American Child,'' it's about entertainers like Marilyn Manson and professional wrestlers.

o'really special

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"Boondocks" (9 Oct 01)

Boondocks: The Best Comic Strip Today

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Still MISSING


Over Vitebsk

Marc Chagall's "Study for 'Over Vitebsk'"

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Is It Just Me, Or Does Big Boy Look Like Tom Ridge?

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