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From 'TBH Politoons'
Great Site!
Thanks, again, Tim!
Reader Movie Reviews
Star Wars & Spiderman
By Dave Romm
I usually review music, but it's a long weekend and I saw some movies instead of listening to CDs. On Shockwave, I read this review and we had a roundtable discussion. Others liked Clones better than I did, but we agreed on Spider-Man.
I've been trying to write a review of that avoids the 'a' word, but I can't. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is, quite simply, awful. There are a few redeeming features, and fans will probably want to see it, but overall the movie is pretty bad. I'd say it was worse than Phantom Menace, though it's hard to compare directly. Clones does get one thing right: Less Jar-Jar, more Yoda. But Yoda wrong, they get. Weary 800 year old impatient comebacks, he avoids. True, Yoda has what is likely the best scene in the movie, a light saber duel with the main bad guy. Still, there are very few characters you care about, and if you weren't already emotionally invested in Yoda or anyone, this movie would give you no reason to care.
The plot doesn't make a lot of sense, as befitting the middle of three movies we already know the ending to. The original trilogy had the advantage of clearly drawn good guys vs. bad guys, though precisely why the Empire was so bad was never fully explained. Meanwhile, I still haven't figured out who or what is The Phantom Menace. In Clones, a thousand planets want to break away from the Federation. Geeze, let 'em go. A thousand planets is a lot of people, and they weren't leaving under force of arms or coercion. I'm in favor of centralized government, or at least a place where everyone can go to hash out differences, but at some point the system becomes unwieldy. We never find out a lot about the structure of government of the Federation, though apparently they have term limits on Monarchy. We don't see a lot of television or observe ordinary people doing ordinary things like watch tv. There's a brief news report in Clones, but I wonder who was the intended audience.
Hayden Christianson is awful. There's no way around that. His dialog is flat and his acting wooden. The supposed love scenes between Anikan and Queen Amidala don't work. He's already a bad Jedi, after a decade of training, and one of the few good sequences in the movie is where you see him make the final turn to the dark side when he goes after his mother. The movie doesn't state it explicitly, but we know what happens later, and there it is.
Speaking of what happens later in the series, I'm going to indulge in some speculation. The great unanswered question from The Phantom Menace is not addressed by Attack of the Clones at all, so I'm not giving anything away. The question is: Who is Anikan's father? The only person who makes sense, from a George Lucas Mythic Perspective, is that Darth Vader's father is the Emperor. Palpatine or Darth Siduous or whoever. That puts yet another twist on the final sequence of Return of the Jedi: Darth is not merely seeking redemption by refusing to kill his son, he's gaining redemption by killing his father.
The movie is in three sections of ascending quality. I'll call these sections Blade Runner, Indiana Jones and Gladiator. They get better because Obi Wan and Anikan have less and less dialog. A large part of the opening third of the movie takes place in a futuristic crowded, city; not quite Blade Runner (heck, not quite AI), but still darker than anything in the series to date. Obi Wan and Anikan have some terrible dialog and Amidala and Anikan have some terrible dialog punctuated by an okay car chase. Things pick up when Amidala and Anikan arrive on Tatooine (no, don't ask, it's dumb) and they meet up with C3P0. The android has the only decent dialog of the movie, as he whines with such a British accent. They go off in search of adventure while Obi Wan goes off in search of a plot. Something about clones. Some of that almost works, and if the third movie untangles the twists I may reevaluate this higher. At the moment, it's just a muddle. Finally, the big battle. Several, really, starting in a big coliseum where the bad guys desperately want the good guys dead so naturally they just shoot them and move on... no wait, they give them a fighting chance! And the bad guys didn't read the script! I won't tell you if the good guys live to fight later, that would be telling. Then after the nick of time, during the climactic battle sequence which is most of the last quarter of the movie, a bunch of Jedi Knights are in a circle, willing to face the charge of the enemy. While it was nice to see Jedi who weren't white male humans, the battle made no sense. Throw a grenade! Break out the gattling gun! Use tear gas! Have two people shoot the same Jedi at the same time! We're now five movies into battles with Jedi fighting, sometimes each other. I can understand the warrior mentality where light saber is met by light saber in equal combat, but come on guys this is war, has no one invented a continuous fire weapon or an anti-personnel mine?
While there are good things about Attack of the Clones, ultimately the movie fails because it not only didn't learn from the success of the first three, but it didn't learn from the mistakes of the fourth. The general range of reviews I've encountered peg it a bit higher than Episode I, but still disappointing. Presumably, the reviewers were impressed enough with the big battle at the end that they forgot the pablum that came before. Not me. An awful movie is an awful movie, even if it does try to redeem itself at the end.
An open letter to George Lucas: I will, for free, help you write the next movie. Your wife left you way back when and that's bad, but woman trouble is an excuse for one bad movie, not two. Let me help. You plot, I'll write dialog. You handle the special effects.
Meanwhile, there's Spider-Man, which is a good movie. It's perhaps the best adaptation of a comic book, along with last year's X-Men. It's an origin story, and they get everything right: the spider, Peter Parker the nerd becoming a hero, Mary Jane, J. Jonah Jamison, even the Goblin is, for a comic book villain, believable. The scenes between Peter and Mary Jane are convincing, Uncle Ben and Aunt May hit the right notes, Spidey's powers seem plausible under the circumstances, and the ending is a typical Marvel Comic resolution of the action while leaving plot threads everywhere. Nicely done, guys and gals.
Indeed, while I recommend Spider man, I want to talk about a couple of other aspects of the movie that aren't necessarily apparent. Watching it, the unsung hero mentioned only once in the credits is Steve Ditko. Ditko, co-creator of Spider-Man with Stan Lee, was the artist who came up with the look of Spider-Man: His costume, his stance, how he flies through the streets of New York. Ditko's influence is apparent in almost every shot of Spidey in costume, as Tobey Maguire's fingers are twisted just right, or in the way Willem Defoe stands on his Green Goblin platform. Someone was paying attention to how the movie should look, and they did a great job. Steve Ditko, who did many other comics including Dr. Strange, was always one of my favorite artists.
The ending of Spider-Man features the Roosevelt Island tram. Roosevelt Island is technically part of Manhattan , but you can't get there from here. The 59th St. Bridge goes over it, and there is, or was, an elevator from the bridge down, used by construction workers. My mother lives on Roosevelt Island. For a long time, the only way there, aside from driving over the bridge and swinging back from Queens, was the tram, the one featured in the movie. It's a working tourist attraction. The tram is part of the NYC Transit System, and costs a subway token to ride it. The view of the New York City Skyline is awesome and you get a bit of that in the movie. Now you can take a subway to the Island, but a lot of people still use the tram to bop over to Manhattan. Further, the comic Spider Man once featured a battle on the tram, which the movie uses, and I had to grab all the copies of the comic and send them to her. Nice to see that bit resurrected.
Dave Romm is a conceptual artist with a radio show and a web site and a very weird CD collection. He reviews things at random for obscure web sites. You can read all his music recommendations from Bartcop-E here and link to some scripts and Top 11 Lists here.
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Tried to see 'Star Wars'. Oh well, there's next weekend.
Watched the Kings/Lakers game. Hoped the Kings would win - would leave them needing only 1 more. Then TV could go back to normal that much sooner.
Traditionally, Sunday night is the most viewed night, TV-wise. Does anyone who programs TV actually ever watch it? (I don't think so.)
Tonight, Monday, CBS has 4 reruns and something fresh (!) First up, the 4 sitcom reruns, 'The King Of Queens', 'Yes, Dear',
'Raymond', 'Becker', and then the fresh season finale of 'Family Practice'.
On a rerun Dave (from 4/30/02), the guests are Debra Messing, Incredible Dog Challenge, and Wilco.
On a rerun Craiggers, the guests are Ben Affleck, Chris Webber, and Angelique Kidjo.
NBC has 'The Price For Peace', hosted by Tom Brokaw and produced by Steven Spielberg and Stephen Ambrose. It is followed by a rerun 'Crossing Jordan'.
On a rerun Jay, the guests are The Rock, Chris Matthews, and Glenn Lewis.
On the traditional Monday night rerun of Conan, it's Josh Hartnett, Bob Balaban, and Greg Behrendt.
Can't tell if Carson Daly is fresh, or a rerun, but the guests are Sofia Vergara, Coors, and N.E.R.D.
ABC bails the night with a movie, 'Moonraker', the 11th James Bond movie, with Roger Moore. The TRT of the film is 126 minutes....6 minutes over 2 hours, in a 3 hour block. Expect some editing, regardless.
On a rerun Bill Maher (from 2/18/02) are Jane Seymour, Jay Thomas, Arlen Specter, and Tavis Smiley.
The WB has reruns of '7th Heaven' and 'Angel'.
Faux has reruns of 'Boston Public' and 'Ally McBeal'.
UPN has 4 reruns, 'The Hughleys', 'One On One', 'The Parkers', 'Girlfriends'.
FX celebrates Memorial Day with a day long 'festival' of 'X-Files'.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
Has A Boner For Anne Robinson?
Ozzy Speaks
Rocker Ozzy Osbourne has made an astonishing personal attack on Camilla Parker Bowles.
He said Prince Charles's lover, "looks like a horse's ass", and demanded: "Why is he seeing that woman with a face like a sack of sh*t?"
The singer, invited to appear at the Queen's Golden Jubilee concert at Buckingham Palace next month, also professed he'd a crush on Weakest Link host Anne Robinson.
He told a US magazine: "I've got a boner for that woman. I like the strictness. Turns me on. I'd give her one."
Earlier this month Ozzy and wife Sharon got a round of applause at a charity dinner for President Bush at the White House.
Ozzy Speaks
Useful Link
The Chickenhawk Database
The Chickenhawk Database
Cannes, 2002
List Of Winners
Prize Winners at the 55th Cannes Film Festival
Palme d'Or (Golden Palm)
"The Pianist" directed by Roman Polanski (France-Poland)
Grand Prix (runner-up prize)
"Mies Vailla Menneisyytta" ("The Man Without a Past") directed by Aki Kaurismaki (Finland)
Best Actress
Kati Outinen in "The Man Without a Past" (Finland)
Best Actor
Olivier Gourmet in "Le Fils" ("The Son") (Belgium)
Best Director
Shared by:
Im Kwon-Taek for "Chihwaseon" (South Korea)
Paul Thomas Anderson for "Punch-Drunk Love" (United States)
Best Screenplay
Paul Laverty for "Sweet Sixteen" (Britain)
Special Jury Prize
"Yadon Ilaheyya" ("Divine Intervention") directed by Elia Suleiman (Palestinian)
Special 55th anniversary prize
"Bowling for Columbine" directed by Michael Moore (United States)
Winners At Cannes
Film clips from Michael Moore's ''Bowling For Columbine''
Interesting Link
New Coin
New Coin Of The Realm
Big Dog Watch Continues
Bill Visits Brunei
Bill Clinton made brief stop in Brunei on Sunday, spending the day playing golf at the plush Empire Hotel and Country Club in the capital city of this tiny oil rich sultanate.
He was to attend a dinner hosted by Brunei's ruler, Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, before departing for New Zealand late Sunday.
Clinton last visited Brunei in November 2000 to attend the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation Forum, or APEC, when he was president.
Accompanied by American businessmen, Clinton arrived in Brunei from Thailand where he met Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra on Saturday.
Bill Clinton In Brunei
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Gibt es Schwarze in Brasilien?
US-Präsident George W. Bush wird nachgesagt, vor dem 11. September habe er die Taliban für eine bayerische Blaskapelle gehalten. Nun hat sich der Präsident der mächtigsten
Nation der Welt dank seiner umfassenden Bildung wieder einmal kräftig in die Nesseln gesetzt.
Washington - Es war Condoleezza Rice, Nationale Sicherheitsberaterin der USA, die ihrem Chef aus der peinlichen Lage half. Bei einem Gespräch der beiden Präsidenten George W.
Bush, 55, (USA) und Fernando Henrique Cardoso, 71, (Brasilien) hatte Bush seinen Amtskollegen mit der Frage verblüfft: "Do you have blacks, too?" ("Haben Sie auch Schwarze?")
Rice, 47, die bemerkte, wie erstaunt der Brasilianer ob der Frage war, rettete die Situation, indem sie Bush aufklärte: "Mr. President, Brasilien hat wahrscheinlich mehr Schwarze
als die USA, man sagt, es ist das Land mit den meisten Schwarzen außerhalb Afrikas." Brasiliens Präsident Cardoso urteilte hinterher: Was Lateinamerika betreffe, befinde sich
Bush "noch in der Lehrzeit".
Bushs Allgemeinbildung: Gibt es Schwarze in Brasilien? - Panorama - SPIEGEL ONLINE
Very roughly translated, before 9/11, Dubya thought the Taliban was a Bavarian (oompah) band. (1st paragraph)
Condi bailed Dubya's heinie when he asked the president of Brazil if they had Black citizens, too. President Cardoso was somewhat taken aback. (paragraph 2)
Condi told Dubya that Brazil not only had more Black citizens than the US, but also more than any country not in Africa. (paragraph 3)
Can someone do a better translation - please?
Useful Link
Who Served?
Who served?
AKA: Dr. Seuss
Theodor Geisel
The New England city where a zoo superintendent's son named Theodor Geisel grew into children's book author Dr. Seuss is preparing to unveil a national memorial
to the man behind the Grinch, the Lorax and the Cat in the Hat.
Every child knows a staid, bronze bust just wouldn't do for the author of "Green Eggs and Ham."
So, in keeping with his special magic, Geisel is being remembered with a sculpture garden of the fantastical creatures he brought to life in his colorful books.
A 14-foot high Horton, carrying the thistle on which tiny Whoville rests, squats on a massive open book. Also spilling out of the book are Thidwick-the-Big-Hearted-Moose,
Sam-I-Am with a plate of green eggs and ham, Sally and her brother, and Thing One and Thing Two.
Yertle and a teetering 10-foot high tower of turtles rise from a reflecting pool by the art museum. The Lorax, carrying the environmental warning "Unless ...,"
stands guard outside the science museum.
For a lot more, Memorial To Dr. Seuss
www.catinthehat.org
For a little different spin on the work of Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears A What?
Film Board Disbanded
Provo, Utah
The mayor disbanded a city film board that has kept score for 25 years on the amount of sex, violence and profanity on movie screens around town.
The nine-member Provo Media Review Commission has reviewed more than 5,000 films since 1977, when "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" — a film about a promiscuous
teacher — caused a stir in conservative Provo and led to the board's appointment.
Mayor Lewis Billings said he was cutting the board to help balance next year's $129 million city budget. The board's portion was $6,500 a year.
Members did not pick or pan movies. They simply noted the types and amounts of sex, profanity and violence on screen. Using a review form and tickets paid
for by the city, commissioners screened almost every movie that played in Provo.
Film Board Disbanded
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Austin Powers & Blaxploitation
Mike Myers
Mike Myers says he likes the style of 1970s blaxploitation films, and he's borrowing from the genre for the third "Austin Powers" movie.
"It's such a yummy flavor — the language, the music, the cinematography — and the clothes are so cool," Myers said.
Beyonce Knowles of Destiny's Child co-stars as Foxxy Cleopatra with Myers in "Austin Powers in Goldmember," which opens July 26.
Mike Myers
Useful Link
Members Of Congressional
Congressional Members with Military Service
On The Road To New Forms Of Travel
Quantum Wormholes
All around us are tiny doors that lead to the rest of the Universe. Predicted by Einstein's equations, these quantum wormholes offer a faster-than-light
short cut to the rest of the cosmos - at least in principle. Now physicists believe they could open these doors wide enough to allow someone to travel through.
Quantum wormholes are thought to be much smaller than even protons and electrons, and until now no one has modelled what happens when something passes through
one. So Sean Hayward at Ewha Womans University in Korea and Hisa-aki Shinkai at the Riken Institute of Physical and Chemical Research in Japan decided to do the sums.
They have found that any matter travelling through adds positive energy to the wormhole. That unexpectedly collapses it into a black hole, a supermassive region
with a gravitational pull so strong not even light can escape.
But there's a way to stop any would-be traveller being crushed into oblivion. And it lies with a strange energy field nicknamed "ghost radiation". Predicted by quantum
theory, ghost radiation is a negative energy field that dampens normal positive energy. Similar effects have been shown experimentally to exist.
For more, Quantum Wormholes
BartCop TV!
Woman With An Opinion
Heidi Mark
Playboy Playmate Heidi Mark, ex-wife of Motley Crue singer Vince Neil, says the rocker abused her for the 10 years they were together. "I have all these battle
scars," Mark tells the National Enquirer. "But I didn't call the press [because] I didn't want to be known as just another Playmate who was getting her ass kicked
by a Motley Crue guy." Mark says Neil once kicked her in the stomach in the middle of a posh Beverly Hills restaurant "Jackie Chan-style," and claims she caught him
making out with another girl at his own daughter's funeral.
Heidi Mark
26 May, 2002
Paris
A protester holds a placard during a protest against the visit of President Bush, Sunday May 26, 2002 in Caen, Normandy. Bush landed in France on Sunday for a two-day
visit, and is expected to attend WW II memorial ceremonies in Sainte-Mere-Eglise and the Normandy American cemetery and Memorial at Colleville-sur-mer, Normandy on Monday.
Photo by Franck Prevel
Auction News
Perry Como
Perry Como fans have a chance to bid on the late crooner's monogrammed cardigans, golf shoes and candid snapshots with other celebrities.
All items are from the Florida home that Como, who died last May, shared with his late wife, Roselle. His will decreed that their belongings be
sold at auction, with proceeds going to his estate.
On the block are photos of Como with 20th century icons ranging from former President Eisenhower to entertainer Dean Martin.
There's a gag shot of Como giving actor Kirk Douglas a shave. In another, "Honeymooners" star Jackie Gleason playfully makes an obscene gesture on
a golf course, apparently in Como's direction.
Perry Como
26 May, 2002
Paris
Demonstrators protest against the United States' international policy in the streets of Paris, May 26, 2002. Denouncing U.S. President George W. Bush as a terrorist and
an evil bogeyman, some 4,500 young and old protesters -- including a strong contingent of French of North African origin -- assailed Bush as he met his newly re-elected
French counterpart Jacques Chirac.
Photo by Xavier Lhospice
From The Mail
''John, John, John''
From MaebSpirit
The following is a letter read by Claire Braz-Valentine, the author, at this
year's In Celebration of the Muse, Cabrillo College. It is worth knowing that
the author is a conservatively dressed woman of 60+ years.
AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN ASHCROFT, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES
On January 28, 2002, Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that he spent
$8,000 of taxpayer's money for drapes to cover up the exposed breast of The
Spirit of Justice, an 18 ft aluminum statue of a woman that stands in the
Department of Justice's Hall of Justice.
John, John, John, you've got your priorities all wrong. While men fly
airplanes into skyscrapers, dive bomb the pentagon, while they stick
explosives into their shoes, and then book a seat right next to us, while
they hide knives in their luggage, steal kids on school buses, take little
girls from their beds at night, drive trucks into our state capital
buildings, while our president calls dangerous men all over the world
evildoers and devils, while we live in the threat of biological warfare,
nuclear destruction, annihilation, you are out buying yardage to save
Americans from the appalling alarming, abominable aluminum alloy of evil,
that terrible ten foot tin tittie. You might not be able to find Bin Laden,
but you sure as hell found the hooter in the hall of justice.
It's not that we aren't grateful. But while we were begging the women of
Afghanistan to not cover up their faces, you are begging your staff members
to just cover up that nipple, to save the American people from that monstrous
metal mammary. How can we ever thank you?
So, in your office every morning, in your secret prayer meeting, while an
American woman is sexually assaulted every 6 seconds, while anthrax floats
around the post office and settles in the chest of senior citizens, you've
got another chest on your mind. While American sons arrive home in body bags
and heat-seeking missiles fly around a foreign country looking for any warm
body, you think of another body. And you pray for the biggest bra in the
world. John, you see that breast on the Spirit of Justice in the spirit of
your own inhibited sexuality.
And when we women see our grandmothers, our mothers, our daughters, our
granddaughters, our sisters, ourselves, when we women see that statue, the
Spirit of Justice, we see the spirit of strength, the spirit of survival.
Every day we view innocent bodies dragged out of rubble, and women and
children laid out like thin limp dolls and baptized into death as collateral
damage, and we see the hollow-eyed Afghani mother whose milk has dried up
underneath her burka in famine, in shame, and her children are dead at her
breast.
While you look at that breast, John, that jug on the Spirit of
Justice, and deal with your thoughts of lust and sex and nakedness, we see it
as a testimony to motherhood. You see it as a tit.
It's not the money it cost. It's the message you send. We've got the right
to live in freedom. We've got the right to cheat Americans out of millions
of dollars and then just not want to tell Congress about it. We've got the
right to drop bombs, night and day, on a small country that has no army, no
navy, no military at all, because we've got the right to bear arms. But we
just better not even think about the right to bare breasts.
So now John, you can be photographed while you stand there and talk about
guns and bombs and poisons without that breast appearing over your right
shoulder, without that bodacious bosom bothering you and we just wanted to
tell you in the spirit of justice, in the spirit of truth, John, there is
still one very big boob left standing there in that picture.
~~ MaebSpirit
Thanks for sending this, Maeb
In Memory
Jack Kruschen
Jack Kruschen, a character actor who received an Oscar nomination for best supporting actor for his 1960 role in "The Apartment," died April 2. He was 80.
Kruschen appeared in more than 75 movies, including the original "Cape Fear," "The Unsinkable Molly Brown," "The Ladies' Man" and "McClintock." He had 20 years of radio, TV and movie roles behind him when he was cast as Jack Lemmon's kindly but annoyed neighbor, Dr. Dreyfuss, in Billy Wilder's classic comedy "The Apartment."
In the Army during World War II, Kruschen was assigned to the Armed Forces Radio Service. After the war, he moved to New York and returned to radio by doing an Alka-Seltzer commercial in Yiddish.
He became a regular on the radio and TV versions of "Dragnet," and, in 1949, he landed his first small movie part in "Red, Hot and Blue." A string of other film jobs followed.
Kruschen worked steadily in television after "The Apartment," including playing the Greek grandfather in the 1980s sitcom "Webster." His final role was a part in the 1997 romantic comedy "Til' There Was You."
Jack Kruschen
Still Seeking Volunteers
'The Osbournes'
Page 2 !
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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