E. Reid Ross: 5 Good Samaritans Who Were Punished For Their Kindness (Cracked)
The measure of a person's integrity is said to be how he or she behaves when nobody's looking (not taking into account all the masturbating). We all like to think that we'll do the right thing when push comes to shove, but it can be hard sometimes, especially when you find out that good Samaritans often wind up on the face-in-the-dirt end of the shoving.
Mr. George Whipple is a fictional supermarket manager featured in television commercials and print advertisements that ran in the United States and Canada from 1964 to 1985 for Charmin toilet paper. In unvarying repetition, Whipple scolds customers (who were mostly women in those days) who "squeeze the Charmin," while hypocritically entertaining such actions himself when he thinks no one will notice. The character and catchphrase were created by John Chervokas.
"Mr. Whipple" was played by actor Dick Wilson, a character actor who also played a recurring role on the television series Bewitched. Between 1964 and 1985, Wilson appeared as Whipple in more than 500 commercials for Charmin.
Randall was first, and correct, with:
"Please don't squeeze the Charmin"
At one point squeezing it
Was likened to squeezing tomatoes. Mr. Whipple gently enjoined us from
squeezing the Charmin.
Alan J answered:
Lois Of The Lavatory said:
Mr. Whipple was the proprietor of your friendly, neighborhood grocery store, in Anytown, USA, who took the concept of "anal retention" to new and disturbing levels. Poor Mr. Whipple was driven to the brink of madness from constant exposure to the public, and in the grips of psychosis, became convinced that his customers were attempting to shoplift toilet paper by compressing it tightly and squeezing into any major orifice. He became obsessed, and squatted over his inventory lest it be flushed away by his regular customers! It came to pass that one especially dyspeptic man finally beat the shit out of him, to the relief of consumers everywhere.
P.S. Dale: Glad you're not smoking anymore. Leave a little for somebody else!
STEPHEN F responded
Jim from CA, retired to ID, replied:
Kevin K in Washington, DC wrote:
The name of the self-loathing grocer who admonished us "Please don't squeeze
the Charmin" while unable to suppress his own Charmin-squeezing tendencies
was: Mr. Whipple.
DJ Useo responded:
I almost instantly recollected his name is Mr. Whipple.
I can't imagine anyone from that era who doesn't remember that.
We were brainwashed into commercials back then.
Nowadays, I shun all ads like the plague.
I also remember him as a regular drunk on BEWITCHED.
He was in guest cameos a lot.
George Whipple ~'Please don't squeeze the Charmin' ~ Fictional supermarket manager featured in television commercials and print advertisements that ran from 1964 to 1985 for Charmin toilet paper.
Patriot Act NSA Spying Unconstitutional Section 215 National Security Letters Must End
My name is Marc Perkel and I have decided to announce that I will not comply with the so called "Patriot Act" laws requiring me to disclose information about my customers. If I receive a national security letter I will immediately photograph it, post it online everywhere I can, and then make a video of me burning it. I will then await my arrest. If you want to put me in jail then come get me mother fucker.
Last 2 nights raccoons have ripped through the plants in the backyard.
Cacti, succulents, tomatoes, lilies, berries - it didn't matter.
Pulled some out of their pots, some out of the ground, chomped on some, flung others around, made a real mess.
Dear old dad said the Babe has some good raccoon recipes.
Another visit like that and I may be tempted to take her up on the offer.
CBS begins the night with a RERUN'Elementary', followed by a RERUN'Hawaii Five-0', then a RERUN'Blue Bloods'.
The programming geniuses at CBS are filling Stephen Colbert's hour with reruns of 'CSI: One Too Many'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJames Corden, OBE, are Jenna Marbles, Tyler Oakley, Kandee Johnson, "The Slow Mo Guys" creators Gavin Free & Daniel Gruchy, "Epic Rap Battles of History" creators Peter Shukoff & Lloyd Ahlquist, and Boyce Avenue.
NBC starts the night with a RERUN'America's Got Talent', followed by 'Dateline'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Fallon are Jason Schwartzman, Tatiana Maslany, and Dan White.
On a RERUNSeth Meyers (from 8/12/15) are Connie Britton, Rita Ora, and Unknown Mortal Orchestra.
On a RERUNCarson 'The Scab' Daly (from 4/20/15) are Teresa Palmer, Borns, and Amanda Crew.
ABC opens the night with a FRESH'We Day', followed by a RERUN'Shark Tank', then '20/20'.
On a RERUNJimmy Kimmel (from 8/17/15) are Halle Berry and Josh Groban.
The CW offers a FRESH'Masters Of Illusion', followed by a RERUN'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', then a RERUN'Penn & Teller: Fool Us'.
Faux has a RERUN'MasterChef', followed by a RERUN'Gotham'.
MY recycles an old 'Bones', followed by another old 'Bones'.
AMC offers the movie 'Back To The Future Part III', followed by the movie 'Back To The Future', then the movie 'Back To The Future Part II'.
[6:00AM] Cash in the Attic - Season 18 - Ep 35 - Douglas
[7:00AM] Cash in the Attic - Season 18 - Ep 36 - Scott
[8:00AM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares Revisited UK - Season 3 - Ep 1 - Revisited: La Parra de Burriana
[9:00AM] Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares US - Season 1 - Ep 3 - Sebastian's
[10:00AM] Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned
[11:00AM] Doctor Who - Season 4 - Ep 1 - Partners in Crime
[12:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 7 - Unification (Part 1)
[1:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 5 - Ep 8 - Unification (Part 2)
[2:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 6 - Ep 26 - Descent (Part 1)
[3:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 1 - Descent (Part 2)
[4:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 2 - Liaisons
[5:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 3 - Interface
[6:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 4 - Gambit (Part 1)
[7:00PM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 5 - Gambit (Part 2)
[8:00PM] The Matrix Reloaded
[11:00PM] The Matrix Revolutions
[2:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 1 - Descent (Part 2)
[3:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 2 - Liaisons
[4:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 3 - Interface
[5:00AM] Star Trek: The Next Generation - Season 7 - Ep 4 - Gambit (Part 1) (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Real Housewives Of OC', followed by a FRESH'Bravo First Looks', then the movie 'Baby Mama'.
Comedy Central has the movie 'Tommy Boy', 'Futurama', another 'Futurama', 'South Park', and another 'South Park'.
FX has the movie 'Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol', followed by the movie 'Real Steel'.
History has 'Ancient Aliens: Special Edition', 'Ancient Aliens', followed by a FRESH'Ancient Aliens', and 'Outlaw Chronicles: Hells Angels'.
[10:30AM] TITAN A.E.
[12:30PM] SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW
[5:15PM] SCREAM 2
[8:00PM] THE MIST
[10:45PM] THE MIST
[1:30AM] SCREAM 2
[4:15AM] THE THREE STOOGES-THREE LONE WOLVES
[4:40AM] THE THREE STOOGES-LISTEN, JUDGE
[5:05AM] THE THREE STOOGES-THREE SMART SAPS (ALL TIMES EST)
[6:00AM] Rectify-Thrill Ride
[7:00AM] The Manchurian Candidate
[10:00AM] National Lampoon's Vacation
[12:00PM] National Lampoon's European Vacation
[2:00PM] Vegas Vacation
[4:00PM] Law & Order-Remand
[5:00PM] Law & Order-Teenage Wasteland
[6:00PM] Law & Order-Phobia
[7:00PM] Law & Order-A Losing Season
[8:00PM] Law & Order-Swept Away: A Very Special Episode
[9:00PM] Law & Order-Bronx Cheer
[10:00PM] Law & Order-Ego
[11:00PM] Law & Order-White Lie
[12:00AM] Law & Order-Whiplash
[1:00AM] Law & Order-All My Children
[2:00AM] Close Up with The Hollywood Reporter-Episode 3
[3:00AM] First Blood
[5:00AM] The Professional (ALL TIMES EST)
SyFy has the movie 'Sinister', followed by a FRESH'Defiance', then a FRESH'Killjoys', followed by a FRESH'Dark Matter'.
Democratic presidential hopeful Lincoln Chafee thanked comedian Conan O'Brien on Thursday, after the late-night talk show host came up with an unsolicited song for Chafee's longshot campaign.
O'Brien said on his Wednesday TBS show he wanted to raise the former Rhode Island governor's poll numbers from 0 per cent to 1 per cent because "it seems like the nice thing to do." Musicians Aimee Mann and Ted Leo wrote and performed a song, set to the tune of the Fine Young Cannibals' "She Drives Me Crazy."
"You don't have to vote for him, just get him to 1 per cent," they sang. Of Chafee's push for the metric system, they sang it has "zero grams chance of success."
"I want to thank Conan for the attention," Chafee wrote in a statement released by his spokeswoman. "He's a good sport and I would definitely come on the show to help his ratings."
The world broke new heat records in July, marking the hottest month in history and the warmest first seven months of the year since modern record-keeping began in 1880, US authorities said Thursday.
The findings by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration showed a troubling trend, as the planet continues to warm due to the burning of fossil fuels, and scientists expect the scorching temperatures to get worse.
"The world is warming. It is continuing to warm. That is being shown time and time again in our data," said Jake Crouch, physical scientist at NOAA's National Centers for Environmental Information.
The month's average temperature across land and sea surfaces worldwide was 61.86 Fahrenheit (16.61 Celsius), marking the hottest July ever.
Buried deep in the Antarctic ice, an observatory has spotted ghostly, nearly massless particles coming from inside our galaxy and points beyond the Milky Way.
Finding these cosmic neutrinos not only confirms their existence but also sheds light on the origins of cosmic rays, the researchers said.
The IceCube Neutrino Observatory is made up of 86 shafts dug 8,000 feet into the ice near the South Pole. The shafts are equipped with detectors that look for the telltale light from high-energy particles plowing through the surrounding ice.
Neutrinos have little mass, and zip through matter so easily that a block of lead a light-year across wouldn't stop them. These elusive particles come from high-energy sources: exploding stars, black holes and galactic cores among them.
Diver William Bartlett had just started exploring a 300-year-old shipwreck with a metal detector late last month in the waters off Florida's Atlantic Coast when he found his first Spanish gold coin. Then one coin became two and two became so many he had to stuff them into his diving glove.
When he resurfaced, "every fingertip was stacked with gold coins, and we knew then we were into something super special," the captain of his boat, Jonah Martinez, said Thursday.
Over the next two days, Martinez, Bartlett and another treasure hunter, Dan Beckingham, found 350 coins worth $4.5 million, the most valuable find from the 1715 shipwreck site in recent decades.
Eleven treasure-laden ships that made up the 1715 Fleet were heading to Spain from Havana on July 31, 1715, when they encountered a hurricane off Florida's central coast. The winds and waves smashed the ships onto reefs, claiming as many as 1,000 lives in one of colonial Spain's biggest maritime disasters off Florida.
The Vatican on Thursday played down the significance of Pope Francis agreeing to pose for a picture with a placard calling for Britain-Argentina talks over the disputed Falkland Islands.
The Argentinian pontiff was handed the sign on Wednesday during his weekly walkabout in St Peter's square. The Spanish text read: "The time has come for dialogue between Argentina and the United Kingdom on the Malvinas" - using the Spanish term for the Falklands.
A Vatican spokesman suggested that the Argentinian pope may not even have been aware of what was written on the placard.
"It happened during a general audience when many believers present the pope with all sorts of objects, often to have a photograph taken," said spokesman Ciro Benedettini.
Archaeologists have found the main trophy rack of sacrificed human skulls at Mexico City's Templo Mayor Aztec ruin site, scientists said Thursday.
Racks known as "tzompantli" were where the Aztecs displayed the severed heads of sacrifice victims on wooden poles pushed through the sides of the skull. The poles were suspended horizontally on vertical posts.
Eduardo Matos, an archaeologist at the National Institute of Anthropology and History, suggested the skull rack in Mexico City "was a show of might" by the Aztecs. Friends and even enemies were invited into the city, precisely to be cowed by the grisly display of heads in various stages of decomposition.
Paintings and written descriptions from the early colonial period showed descriptions of such racks. But institute archaeologists said the newest discovery was different.
Part of the platform where the heads were displayed was made of rows of skulls mortared together roughly in a circle, around a seemingly empty space in the middle. All the skulls were arranged to look inward toward the center of the circle, but experts don't know what was at the center.
This undated photo provided by Sotheby's shows an jacket from "The Simpson" from the collection of Sam Simon, a co-creator of the animated series. Sotheby's announced Thursday Aug. 20, 2015 that it will be selling Simon's entire personal collection of memorabilia, fine art and other objects in a series of sales through the fall and next year, including this "Simpsons" jacket decorated with the show's favorite characters for an estimated $600 to $800.
Walking into Mexico at the nation's busiest border crossing with the United States is no longer an uninterrupted stroll for foreigners.
Starting late Wednesday, pedestrians going to Tijuana from San Diego at the San Ysidro crossing must choose between a line for Mexicans who get waved through, and a line for foreigners who must show a passport, fill out a form and - if staying more than a week - pay 322 pesos, or roughly $20, for a six-month permit.
About a dozen foreigners stood in line Wednesday night, directed by English-speaking agents to six inspection booths where they got their passports stamped. It took about 10 minutes.
Travelers have long followed similar protocol at Mexican airports, but the new border procedure marks a big change at land crossings that weren't designed to question everyone. Pedestrians and motorists have generally entered Mexico unencumbered along the 1,954-mile (3,145-kilometer) border with the United States.
For Mexico, it is a step toward closing an escape route for American criminals who disappear in Mexico. Border inspectors will tap into international criminal databases. Motorists will see no change, and if lines get too long, officials will also wave pedestrians through.
California's first gray wolf pack since wild wolves disappeared from the state nearly a century ago was spotted in the woods in the northern part of the state, wildlife officials said on Thursday.
The pack appears to include a wolf photographed by state fish and wildlife experts last month, then believed to be alone.
Pictures of the wolves - five pups and two adults - posted on the department's website show the family in a meadow with tall trees behind them.
Officials said the pups appear to be a few months old. Officials learned of their existence thanks to cameras posted in remote parts of Siskiyou County near Mount Shasta, which snapped images of the pups and adults, the statement said. Officials have named the group the Shasta Pack.
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