Halloween/Election Special


Michael Dare

Hello, and welcome to a special
Halloween/Election Edition of

Join the Million Skeleton March
Vote Republican

Be a good little doggie
Vote Democratic

 Follow your heart
Vote Independently

Follow your dick
Vote Heterosexual

Follow your dick
Vote Homosexual

What the hell
Vote Satan

Don't even think about it
Leave things just the way they are
Don't vote
Hallmark Card from Hell

Sorry I shot your Wife in the Head


The Scariest Thing of All

Everyone's a freedom fighter. The difference between me and other freedom fighters is that some freedom fighters are fighting with their government against false enemies that the government itself has created in order to maintain their power, whereas I am fighting for freedom against the government that has deliberately duped so many gullible souls. You can't imagine how bizarre it is to hear people praise the quality of the emperor's clothes when he's quite clearly buck naked.
Don't go labeling me a liberal or a conservative or a Democrat or a Republican. I don't belong to any Party. The party's over, pal. This is Reality.
What part of "He's not really the President" don't you understand? The highest office in the land has been stolen and I fucking hate thieves. I've had personal things stolen and if the cops had caught the bastards, I would have willingly volunteered to cut off their hands. Thieves are right in there with rapists and murderers as people who belong in prison, not public office.
If you saw someone driving down the street in your stolen car, at what point would you start saying to yourself, "Oh well, I guess it's their car now." Never. Even if you liked them. Even if you were planning on giving it to them anyway. Even if a court had somehow declared that the theft was legal, every time you saw the car, from now to eternity, you'd be saying to yourself "There's the bastard who stole my car." Why can't America get indignant? Come on, liberals and conservatives. Come on, Democrats and Republicans. Come on, all Americans. Stand together and shout "There's the bastard who stole my car."
I don't give a fuck about who was running against him. There hasn't been a President in my lifetime who wasn't a dickhead, and pretty much the same for all the candidates. The very process of election corrupts people because candidates have no choice but to play by the rules of opponents who will do absolutely anything to get elected. I mean what's the point of campaigning at all if the game is already fixed at the voting booth. At the polls. At the Supreme Court.
Are you actually going to tell me that the whole thing wasn't fixed? That the Supreme Court JUST HAPPENED to vote the way they did? That the Republicans JUST HAPPENED to lose a bunch of Democratic ballots? That the Democrats, having no choice but to fight in the same arena, JUST HAPPENED to find a bunch of Democratic ballots? The only possible way to have straightened this mess out would have been for the Supreme Court of the United States to order another election in Florida, controlled by an independent organization with no political affiliations. Easy enough for them to have done, but you know as well as I that it didn't even occur to them. Too un-biased. Their obligation was not to settle the election dispute fairly in the name of justice for all Americans, unless they JUST HAPPENED to give the job of President to the son of the man who gave many of them their jobs. (And just this week, a Senator who voted against giving Bush unlimited war power JUST HAPPENED to die in a plane crash.)
And the whole thing stems from there. Every time I see him, I see the guy who stole my car. So first and foremost, IT'S NOT HIS. I do not accept this man as the President of the United States, and every single argument I have with his policies stems from the position that ANYTHING and ANYONE who lends any form of legitimacy to the Bush Administration is evil.
Congress and the Senate are evil because they stand up when he enters the room. I will not vote for ANYBODY who voted for ANYTHING Bush was behind.
Foreign leaders who have their pictures taken with him are evil because they make Bush look like a legitimate world leader when he's really just a thief.
The UN is evil because they let him speak as though he were the legitimate President of the United States instead of insisting that he offer proof of his winning the election before letting him set foot in the General Assembly.
The major press is evil because an independent agency JUST HAPPENED to recount all the Florida votes, Bush lost, and they still reported that he won.
Thanks to all of the above, there are an amazing amount of people who think that Bush JUST HAPPENED to give a lot of money to the Taliban right before going to war with them (The under-reported story of the decade. What happened to that money?), that another Bush JUST HAPPENED to help create the Nazis before going to war with them, that another Bush JUST HAPPENED to help create Noriega before going to war with him, JUST HAPPENED to help create Saddam Hussein before going to war with him, and JUST HAPPENED to help create Osama bin Laden before letting his son go to war with him. How gullible can people be? I didn't just make this up. Think I'm lying? That I'm the dupe? Here's a clue. LOOK IT UP.
I don't care what Bush is for, I'm against it, even if I'm for it. I don't care what he's against, I'm for it, even if I'm against it. It's completely personal. I'm basing all my opinions of important issues upon one person, and that's scary, but I can't help myself. Whatever makes Bush look the least bit legitimate is out of the question. I wouldn't even stand up if he entered the room.
"To create an art movement, you have to set something up and then destroy it. The only thing to do is what the Dadaists, the Surrealists, did - complete amateurs who are as pretentious as hell - and just fuck it up the ass. Cause as much bad, ill feeling as possible. You'll only create a movement when you have a rebellious cause."
- David Bowie, 1976 -

Many thanks to Michael Dare!

(And many, many thanks to Baron Dave Romm!)

Heh heh heh